We all sell our souls to capital at some point.

You'll find people eventually v.v It may take some time and it will surely be a lonely amount of time but there will be people, if there aren't already c:
I remember you! It's been so long :o but don't leave yet v.v summer has just started and more people will be online and you can meet new people along with conversing with the old c:

super happy cause i got a nice anon :D i keep getting nice people, i could get used to this

im taking on this: http://clayterran.tumblr.com/post/88...ime-one-of-the
i love this guy he's so cute and positive and aw!awW!1!! i want to look like him. i want to be as positive as him. ahh im just gonna pretend i am him ok im creepy but !

yeah well



OUAT feels ;_;

Recently saw The Fault in Our Stars.

Felt compelled to write about my cancer scare a couple years ago.

Also I feel compelled to write about my thoughts on death and love and my trust issues and depression and how that's affecting my writing and daily life.

Part of me wants to post it. Very very badly.

But, another part of me thinks it'd be pointless. Who cares what my opinions are? Who cares about the facts of death and life? Who would read several thousand words about my operation and my stupid, pathetic issues? Do I even want anyone to know such details? Would anyone even sit down and read the whole worthless thing?

And yet, writing it just to delete it later seems like such a waste of energy, even though I know it would probably help me.

I don't know. I'm just going through another spiral of self-loathing. Not exactly self-hate, just...loathing. To quote a favorite song of mine, "I'm terrified of no one else but me. I'm here all the time; I won't go away...I can't get myself to go away."

If you don't feel comfortable posting it then you shouldn't post it, but i know there are people on here who would read it. Personally, I would read it! It sounds like something very serious that you went through and someone would surely have advice for you v.v

:( Please don't feel that way. I know it's hard. I have been depressed before, and I know how it feels. I'm here for you babe. <3 If you don't feel comfortable posting, that's perfectly okay. Just know, a lot of people would read it because unlike what you think, people value your opinions and stories a whole lot. I know I do.

stay strong, chickita.

dude i'd be really glad to read it i heard a little bit about it when you mentioned it briefly once so if you wanna post it here good if you wanna write it just for yourself great if you wanna write it and send it to me via tumblr i'd be willing to read it and share my insight/opinions

I have never been angry enough to hurt someone (other than myself) before. This is an interesting feeling. I would really enjoy taking the person and throttling them right now. Or just saying stuff I know would completely destroy them.

Let's write a letter because I can't find the thread where you write letters to people.



Ahem.


Dear C,

Just to clarify, I'm not bringing you to summer camp. I don't want to ever see you again, but honestly I don't care and I'll be fine with returning to school. You think I'm taking a year to homeschool for your benefit? I'm not. And honestly, I don't give a shit whether you want me back or not. Your opinion is something I give less than nothing about. I know you think I should respect what you think because you're my "best friend", but guess what darling, you're not. You're a fairweather friend- oh, are you not acquainted with that term? It's someone who is your bestest friend and wonderful and loves you to death when it's all sunny and happy, but as soon as storm clouds gather and you actually need them, no matter how much you think they cared about you, they're gone. That's you. Believe me when I say that you "giving me space" to "deal with my problems" is not how it's going to work. You want to ignore me for a summer so I can get through the stormy weather? That's fine, but don't expect me to take you back. If you are going to be my best friend when I'm perfectly fine and healthy, you are going to be my best friend when I'm not because that's what best friends are, and you my dear are not one. Is that how you think relationships work? Funny, I've regarded you as some kind of best friend in the whole world bla bla for almost seven years, and I knew you were a pain in the ass, but I never could have imagined you'd do this. Was this the plan? Is this how all your relationships are going to work? Yeah, I know I have stuff to deal with. Right now I'm going to therapy for self harm and depression and being borderline suicidal and hallucinatory and trying to recover from fucking anorexia, but you are not supposed to ditch me while I'm working out my shit and then take me back when I'm okay. I could deal with you ignoring my problems or telling me you didn't want to think about them because they were depressing, but this is too far. Of course I'm hurt that you abandon me when I most need you, but I could deal with that if you weren't fucking stupid enough to think we can resume our friendship as normal. Sorry, but if you gave a shit about me, you wouldn't be scared of "catching" something from me. Do you really think friendship works like that? I always stood by you, always, always, and now you just ditch me with a snap of the fingers and the words "I really can't be friends with an anorexic person, so you need to get better so that we can get back to bffls". You know what caused my eating disorder? Body image, and I got a big part of that from you. You bitched about your body constantly, and I assumed that then I was fat, which led to me quietly skipping lunch, and then breakfast, and then dinner, and then all of a fucking sudden I was ninety pounds and purging what little food I had and I could barely walk and then you started taking notice because you didn't want to be friends with an anorexic person. And then when you realized that I wasn't going to snap my fingers and all of a sudden be okay, you decided to leave me while I worked out my problems. I know you don't want to be the best friend of an anorexic. I don't want to be an anorexic, for that matter, but what you are trying to do is inexcusable. I thought you were my friend. I thought you were my goddamn best friend and you think I'm crazy but this is not. fucking. acceptable. Best friends do not leave their best friends when they most need them and then take them back when they are okay, and maybe it hasn't entered your thick skull, but your leaving in no way helps my chances of recovering from any of this. I was your best friend, even though you ridiculed me for being smart and had no faith in me when I sang. I got you a fucking kidpub account which I am damn glad you never use because this is the one place where I have people who don't decide to leave me because I'm depressed or anorexic or whatever the fuck is wrong with me this time. I was always fucking there for you and you had a family with my family and when everyone else hated you I stood by you and now you have lost all that. So you know what, fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you.

*huggles* you are right kidpub loves you and we will stand by you no matter what. just promise me one thing babe ;) do not go back to that girl. EVER. i don't know her, but i don't care. you are way too fabulous for that bitch. thanks for sharing by the way. you are very brave to do so. sometimes you need to just let that rant out. feel better now? i hope so. :p