I had plans for today and for the life of me, I can't remember what they were. But I do remember not crying last night which worries me. I really needed to cry LAST NIGHT because I simply didn't want to the past few nights and I'll be sharing a room with my sisters over the weekend, so I can't cry then either. Gosh darn you, hormones.

im just sad bc feels u know im not even SaD anymore its p good but feels

I don't even know how to describe how I feel right now. It's like I'm screaming inside but no one can hear me. It's like someone has placed a barbell over me and I'm too weak to lift it. And I can feel the heaviness weighing down on every part of me. I feel hopelessly lost, like I'm driving myself to insanity. Maybe I'm going insane.

But you don't understand. Imagine this. Imagine that you like someone a lot. And you have their number and text them a lot. And you're trying to tell them how you feel.

Now imagine that all of a sudden...they disappear. You text them. A week later and no reply. You text them again stating that you have a question to ask them. And they still don't reply. And you have no idea why they've disappeared without an explanation. Maybe it's a new number or vacation or even they lost their phone. But regardless, you have no idea and it kills you inside.

Imagine that this is your only form of contact with them. They have a Facebook but they haven't used it in months. And if they don't text you back, you won't get to talk to him until August at the very earliest.

Yeah. This is my life. And it's killing me inside.

ooops and those anxieties came rushing back
but like fuck this shouldn't be making me feel like this but i'm kind of terrified now
and my heart is like physically aching again it hasn't done that in forever and i want to cry and cut what the fuck jesus fucking christ

Have you had the nights where you can't get to sleep? You stare at the sky, terrified of every little thing. I will start panicking about death. It's stupid but I do. LST, take a deep breath. I'm right here. I know what you're going through.

Terrified of your own mind. I live like that every day

The sky seems black, the stars seem almost out of place. You're stuck in the endless night trying to find the street lamps for even a breath of illumination from the dark. A nightmare you can't ever wake up from.

self harm tw
haha i walked into the kitchen to get some yogurt and i really wanted to get a knife and just like stab myself in the leg and/or cut with it

this better fucking not be coming back i s2g

LST, please don't. Draw on yourself. Write. I'm not trying to be one of those stupid counselors that Try to help but really make it worse. Write don't use the knife.

Oh my gosh!! D: Isaac, that sounds SO terrible. ;_; I'm so sorry, buddy!!!! Please don't cut; you've been doing so well and if you can fight the urge, please do!! Just focus on the good things, please, okay? Think about the stuff that's been going right in your life. Remember that things have been worse, and that you'll feel better eventually.

And, if you wanna talk/vent, you know I'm here to listen!