The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

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- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Quote:

Originally Posted by strawberry (Post 590779)

im such a fucking idiot i know i have a project worth two major grades due potentially tomorrow and i could potentially fail because of this when ive been somehow passing up until the last freaking day of this grading period and if i dont pass im ineligible for choir stuff and if i cant do choir stuff then bye bye life no more reason to stick around this is literally everything rn and??? i should do this fucking assignment?? but??? i cant bring myself to get out of bed??? my bag is two rooms away?? i hate myself bye

The tiredness is valid and the tiredness is real. The done-ness is valid and the done-ness is real. I haven't learned how to fight it properly. I can't even begin to imagine your workload. All I know is that fighting it is probably the only thing that is good for you to do right now. Is there any way to lighten your load without sacrificing choir?

EDIT: I also have a major thing due tomorrow and i'm working on it at almost midnight, let's suffer together

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gracithe1andonly (Post 590780)

i sent an email to my counselors saying that i want to drop the class but im paranoid that if they dont reply soon enough my grade will be a fail..and itll be too late
agh good luck. i just cant function and i cant concentrate or fathom how to process or finish this and im staking everything on being able to drop this class. which is also why im terrified. wow

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesse (Post 590741)

I know a little bit about this so I'll do my best to answer
Honestly, I sometimes feel like I'm never going to get married. I know I'll never have kids. There are lots of times when I think that I'm too socially anxious to ever meet a soulmate, especially among gay guys. Obviously, your situation seems harder, but nothing should stop you from finding a partner if you surround yourself in the right environment. Will it be difficult? Sure, but it's doable.

Since you're trans with some feminine characteristics, pansexuals would make a perfect fit. The door is actually open to straight guys, gay guys, straight girls, bi people, etc; and even if you *still* can't find a match, there's plenty who would be happy to be in a platonic relationship.

If it's still an issue, you could consider gender reassignment surgery when you're older, but even if you don't want to there's still lots of options. Maybe you could join some LGBT groups or a dating app?

Sorry if this wasn't helpful :/ I'm not good at advice. but good luck!

im mostly attracted to dudes but i just feel like with dudes, cis guys esp, so many of them are just not into trans guys? esp fem trans guys? and it fucking sucks. idk if its because of the whole hypermasc / masc4masc thing but its so frustrating.

and i'm already in an lgbt youth group but im not attracted to anyone there. also i have to be 18 to use dating apps and apps like grindr are scum lol

but thanks it means a lot

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 590742)

I don't experience sexual attraction, but plenty of people do.
Sure, I'm so so scared that I'll never find a 'soulmate', be it platonic, romantic, whatever. But there are 7 billion people on this planet-- some might say too many-- and let's say only 0.05% of the population are people you could be both sexually and romantically attracted to. That's still 3.5 million people. So maybe that's less than the total population of Puerto Rico, but it's still a damn lot of people.

ALL PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL. Yeah, sure, humans are ugly-- especially inside. But they're also FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, and that includes ALL trans people. Just because you're trans doesn't mean you're any less valid. If a cis guy who's 'feminine' can have someone attracted to them-- and I personally know occasions like this-- then so can you. I know (not 'am friends with' because I don't do that, but know) a good chunk of "feminine" guys, and I think I know two trans guys who would be considered "feminine", and one of them has a boyfriend and one of them's not looking for a partner, if that means anything.

I fear not being able to find the person whom I would consider my "soulmate". But I believe that there is someone out there who is just right for you, be it in a familial sense, a platonic sense, a romantic sense, whatever. You CAN find that person. They're out there somewhere.

(there may be multiple soulmates, too. if there are 1750 people (0.0025% of the population) who could be your soulmate, you can find one of them. If they're your soulmate, they'll be easier to find, because you'll have common ground. )

thats a lot of math but its really comforting
thanks ena it really does mean a lot, esp coming from you (:

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 590749)

I know exactly how you feel. I don't know how to fix it other than to tell you what I think - I genuinely think there is someone, or multiple people, out there destined to fall in love with another. No matter gender identity, sexual orientation or gender expression, there is someone out there. I know you're a great person, you're cute too - there is going to be someone out there that loves you for who you are. And even if you never find them, it's not the end of the world.

im so glad somebody else knows the feeling
good luck to you too buddy

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 590758)

hi um

first of all a disclaimer: i identify as bisexual because i'm not like gender blind per se, but i am also attracted to folks not in either box. so I guess I'm technically pan in that respect. generally when I talk about bisexual folks, I mean bi or pan.

-first of all just as a bi cis girl, I just wanted to say that I find you hella attractive in every way possible because you're brave and smart and beautiful and really really fucking cool. of course you are into your fellow dudes, of which I am not, but my point is that from a bi/pan perspective, a trans guy who happens to be feminine can totally be attractive as fuck. i'm just taking shots in the dark here, but I'd guess that there are a bunch of gorgeous bisexual boys that are going to fall head over heels for you in every way possible... that's not even counting all the gay boys that are gonna fall for you as well.

i'm cisgender and of course I don't know how you must feel, but from an outside perspective, Elliot, you are kind of a super duper attractive human bean and you're also hella brave and an amazing writer and brilliant with makeup and tbh I do not have the time to list all the reasons why you are fabulous so yeah

ok this really means a lot and im really flattered u think im attractive
thank you so much esther this makes me feel better <3

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 590738)

i know nobody's gonna love me cause im trans

and i know some of yall dont think sex is a big deal but my thoughts are frequently hypersexual and

i'm so so so scared i'm never gonna find anyone that i'm both sexually attracted to and romantically attracted to and they are attracted to me both ways as well

idk if i'm still demiromantic

but i'm so scared nobody i'm attracted to will find me attractive just because i'm trans. and also because i'm trans but i don't fit expectations. i'm a trans guy who also happens to be feminine and i'm so scared nobody will find me attractive because of that .

i promise that your gender/sexuality/how you present yourself will not stop you from finding someone who really loves you. someone people are not used to it and might be confused but if they dump you for it, they aren't worth it. if they try and understand you, it will be ok. there are also people who couldnt care less and are just in it for who you are, not what your body looks like compared to how you feel. you're young now, so you've got plenty of time

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 590713)

I tried to kill myself. I didn't get far. I didn't end up in the hospital. No one found out. But I did try. I just ran out of water.

dude i know i can't change your mind set but seriously honestly think about this. i know you want out so badly and it hurts really bad but i think depression and suicidal thoughts are really blind. i don't know how to explain it to you because i still want to kill myself often but i've reached a level at which i understand it better. and it feels really different to what you feel now. i stopped feeling like i was actually going to kill myself in about april/may, but in august last year i totally did. that's about eight months. obviously it was a process before august as well but like now i feel like there is something bad that i've lost? like i still think sometimes fucking hell i don't want this but it feels lighter? you'll get there. you seriously will. if you hold on i think in a year or maybe even less than that you will feel different. not cured per se, but not the same.

not to mention the amount of people you'll devastate by killing yourself. think about this. you are forcing yourself to no longer exist. you will never come back. you will never be able to do anything ever again. you will never be able to listen to your favourite tunes or take part in hobbies ever again. your parent won't be able to go into your room without feeling fucking awful. every reference to you will make their chest tighten. your friends will feel fucking awful. think about people like madie and other friends you may have. i don't know about your friends but i assume madie won't stop crying for a long time. all you have to do is not die. that's it. literally that's all we can ask of you. start with that and build up from there.

ugh. I was on the bus to day and the sun was at this awkward angle like it was setting and it was turning the world golden and some of the windows were open giving this pleasant chilling breeze. And the people were so beautiful. The sun made their eyes dance and their words brighter and smiles wider. it was so fucking beautiful. and it made me want to kill myself even more. because the girl sitting in front of my looked like my mom when she was a kid. because I wouldn't be able to go home and hug my mom and tell her how much I love her. because my mom wouldn't be able to see anything beautiful again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 590790)

If you die you won't be able to see beautiful things agai either. And then someone else will be sitting on a bus, or on a hill, and they'll think about you and how you can't see anything anymore. You can't kill yourself because someone else has. Death and especially suicide are awful and terrible things. No one should ever have to go through losing someone they care about to suicide. And I'm so sorry it happened to you. But you can't make other people feel that pain because you killed yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 590769)

Stop. Don't you dare blame your self for any of this. This is not your fault. If I ever do kill myself, you must know that no matter what you did or did not do, it was not your fault. I love you too much, and I NEVER want you to feel like you did anything to cause any of this. Come on, I feel like we should have seen this one coming. I knew it was going to happen. Just a matter of time. Just one more straw. It happened. At least I haven't cut myself in some time.

Swallow~
Thank you so much you have no idea how much this means to me. I love you so much.

Everyone else~
I love all of you so much, thanks for trying to make me feel better

this isn't about me. this is about you. as much as it isn't my fault, it is a thousand times not your fault, okay? and, please, don't you dare say it was bound to happen at some point. you can do this. you can stay strong, but i think you need to admit you need to get some help, stormy. i can only do so much. ultimately, it's up to you. i love you. please stay safe, and please stay alive.

and i was just wonder, what did you mean you ran out of water?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frostblaze (Post 590794)

second this you seriously need to get someone to help you out cos this is not a groovy time you're having at the moment

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frostblaze (Post 590794)

you can "drown" yourself if you drink too much water. I guess it will overwhelm your organs and they'll shut down or whatever. I ran out of water.