._. I know, right? *sigh*

I don't go on this thread anymore. I hate it.
Not because I think venting is bad; I think venting is wonderful for those who like it (I don't). It's because I see all of you guys so sad and torn apart and I want to run to you and hug you and kiss you and say that you're perfect and beautiful and everything will be okay but I just CAN'T and it kills me inside to know that you have nobody in your life who does that. I'm bad at comforting people in person, how can I possibly do it over the internet? So I don't go on here anymore, because the frustration of not being able to DO anything makes me sick.

... just needed to share that.

What do you do when you're in a situation where you can't do one thing because you'll hurt someone but if you do the opposite, you'd hurt the other person? ;-; Why do I always get stuck in these situations?
It's so stressful I wanna rip my hair out and scream and kick walls and collapse and die. And that's just one of the stressful things e.o
So I chose one of the sides and now I hurt someone and now they're asking me if it was something they did wrong.... I dunno how to respond. I'm a jerk. A freaking jerk.
/wandersaway

Things just seem to be getting shittier, my insecurities thrown back at me, my breakdowns/panic attacks/freak-outs are happening more frequently, my thoughts darker, but frankly I’m just proud of myself for turning to music instead of blades.

It's savage and angry and sad and raw and I don't think conventional beauty can be found in such things. Maybe if you look into something that sad or angry, you can eventually learn to find the beauty in that sort of thing. But by doing so, you've taught yourself to see something dangerous and depressing as wonderful and enlightening, which could, in turn, be the end of you.

Conclusion: Everything is doomed.

I'm pushing people away .-. I didn't even realize it. I don't want to push people away. I don't know how to stop though . . . .

Emilie Autumn is so freaking epic.

I've given up diving. Way too far out of my comfort zone for now. I'm taking the exam later.

I freaked out in the Great Barrier Reef when I was six to go down and see the fish even though I knew the duck dive and everything, because the water was too salty and made me itch.