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Ugh. I just feel really moody and annoyed lately. Meh. -_-
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FUCK MY PARENTS ARE SO OVERPROTECTIVE AND OVERBEARING AND THEY NEED TO BE DIVORCED LIKE NOW BECAUSE THEY ARGUE SO MUCH BUT THEY DON' TEVE N 'B L EI V E ' IN D I V ORCE BU THeY JUST KEe P FIHGINTG?????????? why |
bro im concerned for all of u
i want to give u guys fresh italian food and warm toasty blankets and a bunch of pillows and free netflix to watch whatever shows u want just please be ok folks ily all <3 |
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ack I know what parents like that are like. imao it's pointless to keep persisting in a marriage that obviously is not working out but idk what people do is their own business until it starts screwing up their kids' lives so yup Ugh. Okay. I am thirteen years old. I am supposed to be enjoying life. Well, I'm not. I'm sorry, but I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be homeschooled because I need to work out my crap. I don't want to be in therapy. I don't want to be another screwy teenager. I have begun to hate my house so much. It's a prison cell, and I know I'm supposed to be cherishing the moments I have at home, but I have no freedom. I have no life. I can do nothing; I can't even take on a job or go abroad on a missions trip because I'm too fucking young. You know what sucks? Being a kid. Especially being a thirteen year old girl who is supposed to have besties and crushes and drama and instead has- nothing. I have a "best friend" who is a flaky little bitch and a crush who barely sees me anymore and is in love with another girl. It's supposed to be summer. I'm supposed to be happy. What's wrong with me? you see I do not want to be thirteen. I want to be an age where I can actually do something that someone gives a shit about and not babysitting or lawnmowing. I want to travel abroad, tour the world, I do not want to be stuck doing nothing in the middle of fucking new mexico. I want to have a life outside of my parents and my home and my mental incapabilities. Is there something so wrong with wanting to be twenty one and in college and poor and independant and saying what i want and doing what i want and being who i want? It's raining. Eh. |
i spent the week at a teen camp at a monastery and it was so peaceful and amazing. i thought meditating and practicing breathing mindfully would be boring but i actually felt so connected there. it wasnt just about meditation and buddhism and i genuinely think i will make it past 18.
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that's so awesome!!! i'd wanna do that. you will make it past 18 yes |
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I mean, it is raining, probably, or it was. It's not wrong about wanting to be twenty-one and etc. I personally have a life that's 80% based on school and therefore I'm scared of leaving it because where the fuck will I go? Quote:
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SEXUALiTY IS CONFUSING AND I AM FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY ROOOOAAAAAR BUT OH WELL
i am also tired |
My hand still hurts
It’s throbbing actually And my limbs- - they’re shaking All I can ask myself is why Why the fuck was that necessary It wasn’t necessary It was an overreaction Why why why why I didn’t mean to break the goddamn glass And of all the things I could have broken I broke a wedding gift Because I’m such a fuck up My voice can get so loud So so so so so loud And I yelled at my little brother And I yelled at my mother And why why why why I love them It was an overreaction I promise I can’t explain I can’t explain and so I get mad Mad mad mad mad Mad as fuck I don’t know why I feel bad I broke the glass The glass was a wedding present Fucking fuck I broke a fucking wedding present And all the glass looks sad and shattered now In a little pile I didn’t use my fist because I’m a coward I used a ball I broke the remote too Or at least all the batteries popped out and they Scattered on the floor My hand still hurts It’s throbbing a little And maybe there’s going to be a bruise I’m all silent And I have to write a letter that I’ve promised Myself I’d write every day I can’t explain myself Or no one understands or something And I don’t want to be like every other fucking teenager Who’s decided that no one cares about them Because I know people care about me a lot Who’s decided that no one understands them Because I know there are people like my mother Who understand as much as an external mind can I can’t even tell in my twisted-up thoughts whether All of that breaking was drama I feel shaky Why why why why I had no reason to break that glass It was an overreaction Why why why why what the hell I can’t convey what I’m trying to say So I guess my emotions have decided To just get angry Because angry is so easy I yelled at my little brother I yelled at my mother I didn’t mean to It just all came bloodying out I’m not like this I’m shaky Because I didn’t mean to break that glass Or hit the wall with the palm of my hand I don’t want my little brother Remembering his older brother as an angry Person because I don’t think I am Oh god what was I thinking I wasn’t even thinking I broke that glass That mirror because it was the easiest thing to break When I threw the ball a little bit of me Thought that maybe it wouldn’t even break But it broke I was mad I’m not mad anymore My hand hurts And I’m shaky Why why why why I don’t know what I doing It was an argument again I felt like my character was being attacked I don’t know I just want it to stop We’ve had the same goddamn conversation Over and over and over and over again And I’m tired of it It’s useless Storming out I don’t know I’m mad mad mad mad But why why why why Did I break that glass That mirror What the fuck was I thinking I’m shaky shaky shaky shaky I need to wake up tomorrow So I can figure out how to balance myself Gahgahgahgahgah I didn’t mean to break the glass I want to scream and not in the good way Wtfwtfwtfwtf I didn’t mean to break the glass I broke my computer too Break break break break It wasn’t necessary It was an overreaction They must all think I’m crazy Or the fact that I was watching a tv show My mom didn’t approve of meant a lot to me My hand hurts It’s not throbbing as badly anymore I’m still shaky Shaky shaky shaky shaky What the hell was that That wasn’t me I was so mad But what was I so mad at Gahhhh I didn’t mean to break the glass I feel like crying |
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