i'm stupid i'm never gonna get smarter

ok so i'm back to being logical meera

pros of going to place:
--colleges would love it and maybe i might go somewhere decent
--i'd be convinced i'm not a failure
--doing what i love
--like-minded people and all that stuff
--jenny

cons of going to place:
--really expensive
--no time for either of my jobs (which i also love)
--no time for summer horn lessons if i'm allowed to (or other music)
--how will i work out like i planned to
--band camp??????????????????????????

alternatives to pros:
--write sappy essay about how this affected me and how i moved on. colleges love that
--i have my other thing too even though that's low profile compared to this
--i love music and i love my jobs
--idk maybe there might be people at the other internship
--jenny's gonna be at school too

in conclusion: ????????????????????

yo great idea I'll make a list thing like this too (but not to post)

also my dad walked in and told me it was a bad idea but screw him
he's making my mental health worse as usual

shoutout to leslie and dw for being amazing humans and distracting me <3 you guys are way better friends than i deserve and i mean it okay

i'm fine now because MY DAD IS GONNA GET ME SOME HORN LESSONS HELL TO THE YEAH

can i just disappear forever

shh it's ok just text me alright i'm here
you better not be threatening to hurt yourself ok

no you're better now i don't want to spam you with my melodrama
in fact it'd be better to just do a vent about all this but i can't rly write right now and bringing my problems to the nsp prolly isn't a good idea and just
can i just teleport to a place where everything is ideal and perfect and
can people care
i ask too much and am satisfied with too less
screw life and a future

don't hurt yourself ok