@cloudwriter hold ur head up high you'll make it through :3 You're a great person.

i'm just really effing hormonal rn i was really angry and now i just want to curl up in a ball and cry and sleep for ages but i have a test in an hour and i'm probably going to fail it and i just want to sleep and cuddle and maybe write but there's reality and parents and school and ufighsfdla.
i just want to build a blanket fort full of books and read and pretend like life isn't happening.

so so relatable omg ;3;

apologies to anyone that actually reads this whole thing
 

Dear blank,

You deserve some answers. I guess I should start from the beginning. Do you remember that day, well over a year ago, when the five of us were hanging out at R’s house? That’s when it all began. As we sat there on the couch next to each other watching movies, it slowly came to my attention just how gorgeous and sweet you are. It only got worse when later that day you told me to sit on your lap. Of course looking back on it, you were just being a nice friend. There is virtually no chance in hell that you meant anything by it. So I moved on with my life. Occasionally reminded of my little puppy dog crush on you, I just brushed it off. Just a phase, I thought. But then, June 19th, 2014 happened. (That’s right; I’m so much of a creep that I remember the date.) June 19th was the day that we were having a casual conversation over the phone (it should be mentioned that at this point my crush was pretty much gone as we hadn’t seen each other for quite a while), and you said something that scared me.

“This is going to sound really weird, but it’s really nice to hear the sound of your voice.”

You tried to laugh it off and make it not a big deal, while I had a fucking stroke. I stuttered back something stupid in return that pretty much just thanked you and told you that I missed you too. When we hung up, after I had banged by head against a desk multiple times, I decided that maybe I should text you. I remember that it was something along the lines of the following: “Sorry I got weird on the phone. I just wasn’t expecting you to say that it was nice to hear my voice, and it was so sweet that I didn’t know what to say. I miss you so much, and it was lovely hearing your voice too.  <3”

The next 20 minutes were some of the most gut wrenching and terrifying of my life, as I awaited your reply. I thought maybe I had taken it too far, and that you were freaked out by what I said. But you weren’t. You sent back this huge book of a text message about how much you loved our friendship and thought that I was a great person. I then sat in the bathroom on the floor, weeping, typing back a book about how much I loved you in response. We then talked on the phone for a good hour and a half, and the whole time, I was trying my hardest not to break down in tears, and I could tell you were struggling too. Even after we hung up, we sent more mile long texts to each other, and eventually both fell asleep. I was the happiest I had been in years. My family was legitimately concerned by how inexplicably happy I was. We kept it up for two weeks or so, by texting and talking on the phone one or two times a day, and even setting up a date to go swimming together. I almost wish we hadn’t have done that, because it seems that that’s when everything plummeted. At the pool it was awkward. There’s not amother way to describe it than that. Because my mom and siblings were there, it’s not like we could do what I wanted to, which was hug and cuddle for hours on end, and for another thing, you probably didn’t want to do that either. After the pool day, I would text you asking how you are, I’d get one word answers, and that was the extent of the conversation. I was pretty upset that I lost what we had. Though it was short lived, it was my ideal friend ship that I’d dreamed about having for years upon years.

When school started back up again, we were kind of back to the way we were before June 19th. We were friends, but not best friends. It almost seemed like you realized that it was too much and decided to take some steps back. And while it may have been necessary, I was heartbroken. Nothing has really changed since then, except that my infatuation with you has gotten stronger. We text occasionally, but it’s no where near what it used to be. And now we’re up to current date. A little over a year after June 19th, and it’s never been the same. So here is when the creepiness starts.

Okay, real talk. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but recently, I’ve become fucking obsessed with you. And no, this isn’t like you’re my friend and I want to spend more time with you, this is a full on infatuation. I literally find myself multiple times a day on your Instagram looking at all of your pictures. I can’t even begin to think of the right words to describe the way I feel about you. I’m terrified. First of all, I don’t mean to state the obvious, but you’re a girl. I’ve never had feelings for a girl before. I’ve had lots of crushes in my time, all of which have been on boys, including the most intense one from just recently. I’m most definitely not straight, but most definitely not completely gay. For now, I’m going with bisexual, but I’m almost certain that that will change at some point. I hate labeling sexuality. Why do we have to do it? Why can’t we just love people rather than loving men or women? Ugh. I just don’t know. Another reason for me to be terrified is that if you EVER figure out about this, unless by some stretch of the imagination you feel the same way, nothing will ever be the same again. God. WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP?

I honestly have no clue how you feel. You’re a closed book, my dear. Some days I think maybe you do feel the same way, but most days I feel as if there is not chance in hell. But that doesn’t stop me from over analyzing every text from you, every word you say to me, and every movement when you’re around me. Because I’m a fucking creep.

Well. I could probably sit here and think of a million more things to write, but I think I’ll save myself and everyone reading and just end this as soon as possible. I don’t want to end this with an “I love you” because that will open up a whole other can of worms as I desperately attempt to steer completely clear of the word love, but I really want to. I’ll just change it a little bit. Make it more cute than real.

Love and hugs,

Camille <3

asjdkfl; idk what to say but crushes on straight girls are the absolute worst and also sexuality labels are a bitch

You didn't have to end it as soon as possible :)
 

Hey Gurl :)

You don't know me, and that's not what matters. What does matter is the fact that, you don't fuck everything up... You are completely natural. Your friend is a lot like one of my closest friends (not best friend, but really close.) She has a huge crush on her best friend and at times, we just bunk class and talk because she is so emotionally paranoid. The ironic part is, the girl who she crushes on has the same feelings for her. They are just too afraid to take things forward. I think it's the same case for both of you... Just imagine, the same way you are feeling, she's feeling too. It's a huge thing (sadly) to admit at our young age about what your sexuality is. It must be really hard for you, and dang I shouldn't be preaching cause I've never felt that way for anyone but, I think you should just text her. Make her feel a 100% safe with you... It's hard to open up to people, especially when you like them so much. We are humans. Heck, we are kids going through huge hormone+society+school+parents+freakin life stress. Being afraid is kinda a side effect to life :P Just... keep believing in yourself. And become friends with her. If she's going through what you are going through (and I'm pretty sure she is) then she needs a best-friend she can talk to... I think even you do too :) And at the pool, maybe she realized that she was taking a bigger bite than she could handle. Love is a scary thing...

By the way, if you call yourself for being a creep for loving and caring for someone, than I guess everyone's moms are creeps (>.<)

My thoughts are now with you,
Rue

Thanks so much! You're 100% correct. I guess I'm just not quite ready to open up to anyone that I actually know in real life yet, because as you said, it's a very scary thing especially for someone so young. Maybe someday if this continues, I'll be able to tell her at least a part of how I feel. Thanks again. :)
(and thanks for the creep comment haha, I guess I just meant because I kind of low-key stalk her social media but whatever)

You speak the truth.

I'm feeling pretty for the first time in...???

And I just feel really hyper and bursting with positivity right now everything seems brighter.

I guess I'm just happy, carelessly happy for the first time in a really long time. :) i hope you guys are all safe and good because you're honestly so amazing and radiant and I've looked up to all of you. Stay safe and try to sleep and drink some tea, idk, just do what makes you happy.

Honestly you all are so great, as writers and as people. Stay safe!

aw this made me happy :']

(ignore the fact that this is the third time today I have used the word 'aw')

ahhh being happy is amazing and im glad you feel pretty and positive c: this message was awesome heehee thanks for sharing and i hope you stay happy!! ^u^