so apparently everyone was only nice to me because they saw the scars

ironically enough i don't think anyone's noticed the cuts i've been covering up with headbands wrapped around my wrist

although i could be wrong

who knows





...



it just pisses me off that I genuinely thought people were being nice to me because they thought I was cool until my friend disillusioned me like yeah we only were nice to you because we saw the cuts and we didn't want to be the reason why; well JOKE'S ON YOU because they were the reason why, all of them, because you can only be so nice before you start being someone's FRIEND and god forbid any of them be my friend

oh yeah and today at lunch at the middle school table apparently they were discussing some random kid that used to go here that was completely mental and this one kid piped up "oh you're talking about esther" like wtf dude thanks

^ Esther, a lot of people suck. A lot of people of horrible inconsiderate a**holes and they don't deserve you. Look, I hardly know you, but you have friends here who love you so much and they don't need to see your scars to know that. I promise you that you will meet genuine people and they will see you as they should, as a person with amazing qualities.

Also, speaking as a middle schooler, middle schoolers are stupid and repeat lies and rumors to try an be popular. Every middle schooler knows that your better then them and you should know that too. It is the circle of life.

I know I'm just like a weird random KPer who comes on like once every month to vent on here but I'm not stupid enough not to see that people on here care for you. Keep that in mind.

thanks c: the middle school thing is really just stupid and I'm trying to not focus on it, but anyway I'm glad you care.

You are freaking awesome bro remember that, they just make judgements based upon shit they don't understand. I'm still known as the weird mental kid from both of my schools, that's what I'm known for and kids were nice to me out of pity bc they didn't want me on my own. But that's just it. People misunderstand and they behave like fools but that's just how they are. If they can't appreciate you it's stupidity.

Also, I'm totally your friend bro. Just saying. You have got friends here for you (also one of them is me and I'm rlly hella cool - source: me) and hey I'm on skype if you want to talk so hey.

I do want to fight those people but I realise that's a bad idea bc they smols and I'm tol. And it is mean to hit childern.

I never want to play the flute again

So I’m sure at least a few of you remember the dark time in my life when I was legitimately OBSESSED with a boy who I referred to as "my perfect specimen" and cried every single time he even looked at me. Well, even though he goes to a different school now, I follow him on instagram (he doesn’t follow me back which I’m still bitter about). Today he posted something that alludes to the fact that he’s gay and has a huge thing for a male friend of his but this friend likes a girl. For some reason, I was honestly torn apart after reading this. It hurt but it helped. It obviously hurt a little bit because the first really die hard crush I had was on a boy who’s gay and because that kind of assures the fact that he never liked me back. Not to mention the fact that it hurts me to know that he’s hurting. I still feel for him and think about him and it upsets me to know that he’s not okay right now. But on the other hand, it really helped me too. It comforts me just to know that someone that I know personally is going through the exact same thing as I am. He was obviously confused for a long time (he had a girl friend for like two years), and at the young age of 13, he has a thing for a straight boy. It just felt good to know that someone is going through this too. I mean, of course I know that this is sort of a common situation to be in, but this felt more real to me because I know him personally. It’s not like I can really talk to him about it or anything but at least I know. It’s so weird to think that he probably doesn’t even remember me that well but I’m still kind of in to him and stalk his instagram, but was also greatly affected by what he posted earlier. I just wish that he knew that he kind of helps me in some weird and twisted way even though we haven’t talked for about a year and a half now. It’s actually kind of amazing what an affect someone can have on you even if you’re not at all involved with that person. It was just kind of a weird experience. I physically broke down in tears because of what he posted and he’ll never know that. Hm.

hey you c:

//grabs by shoulders - look, you have no idea how much you're loved, okay? Like, idek, but you really light up my life for some reason. You're adorable, your nose is perf, your hair is life. And listen to me, screw them. you don't need them, shouldn't need them to feel good about yourself. Jesus loves you, esther, and you know it. He died for you; not out of pity, but out of love. Pure, unconditional love. and somewhere out there, He created someone, boy or girl, who is going to love you almost as good as that. they'll find everything about you just absolutely irresistible and frustrating and wonderful and amazing at the same time. you are worthy of interest, awright? and there are always going to be people who care about you <3333 you're flipping amazing, and sweet, and adorable, and beautiful, and a fantastic writer, and I have you to thank for introducing me to the fray, btw.

shoot idk what to say

thank you...? that doesn't cover it but yeah thanks and I'm glad u like the fray :3

idek what this poem is about but i kinda like it

http://www.kidpub.com/story/photodro...ght-1857155954

i have no idea what's wrong me except that I'm untalented and overweight