The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

EmmaR 09-18-2012 09:45 PM

I had arguably the worst day of my life. And all I want to say about it is:
I'LL SHOW YOU, MR. KRUS. I'LL BE THE BEST F***ING GODDAMN 3RD CHAIR IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.

Moogle 09-18-2012 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EmmaR (Post 341673)
I had arguably the worst day of my life. And all I want to say about it is:
I'LL SHOW YOU, MR. KRUS. I'LL BE THE BEST F***ING GODDAMN 3RD CHAIR IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.

Umm...I'm guessing that you got put as third chair in band or something? Last year I was put as the 2nd, 1st violin, scoring one tenth of a point, ONE TENTH OF A POINT, behind the concert master who wasn't even a good player, but the teacher favored him over me :P But it's ok, you'll do good where you are and maybe he'll even move you up :D

Sandy 09-18-2012 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 341598)
First of all, no. No, it's not back. But something else is. And the thing about it is that I can't tell anyone and I hate keeping secrets like this but I can't, can't, can't say anything or even write anything because there's that chance, and I can't even risk that. And I just can't do this anymore and I don't want this anymore because it's all just one big, effing vicious cycle. So YAY. It's just going to go on and on and on and I know they'll never consent to stopping it, so why bother? And I was thinking about this last night, lying awake in bed because I can never go to sleep like a 'normal person' within a span of seven minutes, and then I thought about how the time it takes for my life to pass doesn't even amount to the blink of an eye in the universe's perspective, and how my problems are petty and stupid compared to the rest of the world who has poverty and unemployment and starvation and slavery and kidnapping and awful awful things like that. But in the end, even that doesn't matter, the world's biggest issues and your most trivial problems don't matter, because humanity is finally going to be wiped out one day, and the whole universe is going to breathe a sigh of relief like that one bug bite it was being annoyed by just stopped itching and nothing matters, nothing matters, nothing matters at all, and who cares if you're famous or notable because only humans will remember, and then they're all going to die anyway, you're going to die anyway, it doesn't even matter and all your writing won't matter because it'll all go up in flames, it's not worth trying to be remembered when no one's going to be left to remember you. And that's what's keeping me going, going through life, because even though it seems like horrible things after horrible things, nothing will matter and none of science or technology will matter, none of it none of it none of it, and that's what makes it all okay, that's what makes our mistakes all right, because it's all going to end anyways, just some days I wish it would end sooner than later.

This, I believe, is what went through the mind of the person who created the concept of the afterlife.
I know how that feels... so I'm living my life like nothing matters anyways, so who the heck cares? 8D And when THAT gets to me, I just imagine myself high-fiving Jesus or Satan or whoever or ascending to the sixth dimension or meeting all the people I was in my past lives or whatever the heck happens. 8D It actually really gets my spirits up. But on a more physical level, I'm living for the day I meet the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. It's gonna be so freaking awesome.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 341608)
I cry, too. My tears are of frustration and annoyance. I cry so, so easily when I'm frustrated, and it annoys me to hell. But there's nothing we can do about this... /sigh

Quote:

Originally Posted by meerkat (Post 341639)
Is it normal to always want to end your life? I've tried to kill myself countless times already and my parents are going to send me to the scariest psychologist ever if this continues but i seriously hate myself and you don't have to read this if you don't want to because i'm just another insignificant blob.

... I know this sounds totally insane, but the sad thing is, it's normal.
This is actually good, though, because you can get reassurance that you're never alone.
For most of my life I wanted to end my life, but I believed I was too worthless for even death, so... ._.
My parents have dangled lots of psychologist bluffs in front of my eyes, too. Don't let them convince you that getting help is a bad thing--this may even be something that you just need to wait out. Don't get too worked up about anything bad, don't think about how much you hate yourself... just relax by a fire and tell yourself nice things, even if it's painful, and just calm down. Do you have any favorite bands you like to listen to when you feel really, really low? I can name a song that's saved my life--and it isn't even in a language I can understand. ._.

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 341661)
You know, I was cleaning up my room, cause my mom asked me too, and suddenly I look up at the ceiling and I think what a few kids must've thought during their toddler years: Huh, I wonder why the ceiling isn't slanted like the roof? And when I remembered that I knew why, I started crying, and laughing hysterically. I stopped crying altogether and was just laughing hysterically, gasping for breath and I realized what was to me. Death. I found death terribly awfully, disgustingly hilarious. I wonder how many people died while shingling a house? I wonder how many deaths there are because of an age old tradition. I wonder what death feels like. It's so funny. And you know what? Now I don't care anymore. I don't want to be in eighth grade, I don't want to have to deal with ANYTHING I don't want to have to be nice and polite, I don't want compliments, I don't CARE about ANYTHING anymore, except for this tugging in my stomach whispering Sophia, you do care you care a lot. But I don't and the pain I inflict on myself, the bruises that are getting increasingly closer to creeping past my sleeve line, the pride that mind carries, it's all mushed and squished like some dead ant. And my brain is sort of trying to murder me, jeering, What's next? Oh, is the little baby Sophia going to hurt herself? Ohhh too bad. And I really have these moments when someone looks at me and I don't want to be seen as anything.

That was pretty much me, last year. I started having intrusive violent thoughts, totally unwanted, unexpected, they would just fly into my head and pop out at random times and I would start to laugh and cry at the same time because it was so hilarious... either it was hilarious, or it was just strange. I would get these crazy thoughts, and these horrible gory images would burst into my head, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
I had to sit this out for a couple of months... ._. But it did pass. My brain was trying to self-destruct too, and even now, when I feel someone's eyes on me or if someone touches me, the skin all over my body just crawls and shivers, I just kind of try to ignore it.
Best of luck. <:^/

EmmaR 09-18-2012 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moogle (Post 341678)
Umm...I'm guessing that you got put as third chair in band or something? Last year I was put as the 2nd, 1st violin, scoring one tenth of a point, ONE TENTH OF A POINT, behind the concert master who wasn't even a good player, but the teacher favored him over me :P But it's ok, you'll do good where you are and maybe he'll even move you up :D

You got it!
Here's what I wrote explaining on another thread:
I worked my ass off for a seating audition (and I mean I worked my ASS off. Easily 4 hours of just working on that little 16 measure section), played my absolute best, got moved back where my friend who started playing 2 years after I did was moved into my spot, had to sit through the entire orchestra class without bursting into tears, then had to go through the rest of the day, including soccer practice. I swear to God, I've never wanted anything as much as I wanted that 2nd chair. This just proves that you can't get anything you set your mind to.
And I'm on my period.

Yeah. Bad day.

EmmaR 09-18-2012 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EmmaR (Post 341698)
You got it!
Here's what I wrote explaining on another thread:
I worked my ass off for a seating audition (and I mean I worked my ASS off. Easily 4 hours of just working on that little 16 measure section), played my absolute best, got moved back where my friend who started playing 2 years after I did was moved into my spot, had to sit through the entire orchestra class without bursting into tears, then had to go through the rest of the day, including soccer practice. I swear to God, I've never wanted anything as much as I wanted that 2nd chair. This just proves that you can't get anything you set your mind to.
And I'm on my period.

Yeah. Bad day.

Oh, and I've been in the orchestra for 3 years and stuck in 4th chair, but this year I'd be in 2nd chair by default (the 2nd and 3rd chair graduated), and I can't stress enough how much I worked and how much I wanted it. I have never wanted anything, ANYTHING in my life as much as I wanted that chair. Also, I deserve it. 3 years of working to get that chair. 3. Years. And I'm better than the girl who got it.

GabiDi 09-18-2012 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CACrools (Post 341671)
That sad moment when you've had one of the better days in a while, and then you come to the EV thread to try and help someone else feel better, but you end up feeling worse about what you think are your problems. Anyways... Does anyone else wonder how their life would be without KP? I think by going on KP every day, I've made something to look forward to, something to be excited about. And I've also matured in the past, what is is, 5 months that I've been a member. This is like the only site I'm on, and I've noticed almost everything is attached to KP, my writing, my computer habits, sometimes even my dreams. It's almost hard to remember being without KP, and I'm still one of the newer people!

Don't say that, tomorrow's my last day. So we'll see, right? :P

LaurenM 09-19-2012 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 341613)
But lots of people won't. And besides, those who do will just die anyways. Perish. Vanish. Whatever. And I don't think you quite get what I mean, because, rather than depress me, this fact that we're all gonna die eventually and are insignificant and vanish eventually is actually cheering me up. Because when I'm depressed about a certain thing, this knowing that my life won't matter in the end and that nothing matters in the end cheers me up. It really does. Because then I know it doesn't matter how many mistakes I make, it won't matter in the long run. I have come to terms with this fact and fully embrace it. Sometimes, as I noted, it makes my life worth living to know that it'll end.

Ah, I see.
But nearly, if not everything, has an end. You don't want to end it that quick, do you? It matters. Through the entire process to the end. Life is the process.
/ohmygodamIdepressingyou?Sorry!

cheezemziez 09-19-2012 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CACrools (Post 341671)
That sad moment when you've had one of the better days in a while, and then you come to the EV thread to try and help someone else feel better, but you end up feeling worse about what you think are your problems. Anyways... Does anyone else wonder how their life would be without KP? I think by going on KP every day, I've made something to look forward to, something to be excited about. And I've also matured in the past, what is is, 5 months that I've been a member. This is like the only site I'm on, and I've noticed almost everything is attached to KP, my writing, my computer habits, sometimes even my dreams. It's almost hard to remember being without KP, and I'm still one of the newer people!

I imagine I'd sort of drift through my days. This thread is one of the more depressing parts of KP, and just because some people's problems seem worse than yours, it doesn't mean that yours don't matter, or that you should feel bad.

LaurenM 09-19-2012 05:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 341716)
Don't say that, tomorrow's my last day. So we'll see, right? :P

D8888
Again, I'll miss you...

Ruza 09-19-2012 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 341723)
Ah, I see.
But nearly, if not everything, has an end. You don't want to end it that quick, do you? It matters. Through the entire process to the end. Life is the process.
/ohmygodamIdepressingyou?Sorry!

“I used to get a big kick out of saving people’s lives. Now I wonder what the hell’s the point, since they all have to die anyway.”

“Oh, there’s a point, all right,” Dunbar assured him.

“Is there? What’s the point?”

“The point is to keep them from dying as long as you can.”

“Yeah, but what’s the point, since they all have to die anyway?”

“The trick is not to think about that.”

“Never mind the trick. What the hell’s the point?”

Dunbar pondered in silence for a few moments. “Who the hell knows.”

~Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"


I thought it seemed fitting for the mood.


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