| july3girl |
09-20-2015 09:06 PM |
I need to vent. You do not need to read, but I need to vent.
Do you ever associate certain songs with these different moments in your life? A crush, an event, a time you felt a deep emotion? Well I do. ANd it kinda sucks. I'll assign this song to a thing, a song that most of the time I really like, and then if the thing is sad whenever I hear it I just sit there listening, freakin crying, because I feel like I would be turning my back on that thing, that PART of me by skipping the song. Take "See You Again," that song in Fast and Furious or whatever; The later part of that spring I really liked that song, and one day I heard that my teacher, a guy who had been just the most awesome person ever, this really freaking awesome teacher whom I had had for three years, I hear that he is joining the marines. Of course, if that makes him happy, I'm cool with that, but I just-- That day my friend and this kid started singing that song, "See You Again," maybe doing the same thing I was, associating this bittersweet moment to a song to help cope. To assign a time for my sadness. When they started singing that, I cried, I'm not ashamed to admit. That teacher, he had been this beacon, this big rock in a sea storm, a person who had helped me out, helped our entire class out, had been this really important figure in our lives for three years. And now we had the news that he was joining the marines, and as amazing and noble as that is, I was scared. I'm still scared. He hasn't even started training yet, though he's moved to Boston to begin in January, but I already just... I break down whenever he's mentioned, whenever that song is mentioned, because I can't ignore the elephant in the room, that knowledge that he could die. That he would promise he would come back to see our graduation and not come. That he would leave us, in a much bigger way then he had by moving to Boston. So yeah, I assosciate songs to events, to people. And it sucks, but it's my way of trying to control my emotions.
"Say Something." Oh my frick I have so many-- I can't even. I will, but I just-- *scoffs* His name is Preston. If you look at my track, most of my poems are about him. Well guess what? They're not anymore. Preston, he, ah, I had a crush on him since second grade, and guess what? I'm a 7th grader. I mean, it's not like I liked him for five years STRAIGHT, but added up I'd say I was a lovesick puppy for him for about four years. Why? He was funny. He made me laugh, and he was friends with my friends. He plays basketball, and he's one of our school's few MVPs. But most of all, it was cause he was a flirt. He still is a flirt. And second grade me, well, I didn't understand that a whole lot. I just understood that I got all nervous around him. He joked around with me, and it was fun, cause none of the other guys did that. I guess eventually I just got into the habit, liking him, cause I guess for a while it was something that most of the time was steady, was something that I though would never change. But guess what? It did.
He dated one of my close friends, or at least 7th grade city dated, which is basically just texting. He broke with her over a text, which seemed a bit jerkish, as at the very least he could have called or facetimed her. His reasoning for breaking up with her was really stupid too. Anyway, that probably was the beggining, but I think the main thing that changed my mind was this new kid. T, I guess I'll call him. He's sweet, charming and he treats me like I'm a valuable person in sports, a trait not so often found at my school, as most of the girls just sit and talk. T and I played capture the flag at night, we were on the same team, and we partnered up, running around with our flashlights, relying on each other. He's just a lot more down to earth then Preston, and just a better person over all. But T didn't save me from the four year crush. I saved myself, it's just I had to see that there are way better people out there then Preston. Like T. Anyway, "Say Something." I assigned that in fifth grade, promising myself that when I decided to end it my imagined realationship with Preston, I'd listen and dance and sing to that song. I have memories of me making jokes about that song to him and a couple other people, and that just makes it worse, because I actually have a memory of that person with that song and it's not just my own. I still need to do that. I still need to sing and dance and listen to that song. I've promised myself that I'd write about it too, and post it, but now that I've vented I don't want to anymore. He's taken up too much of my track. I don't think you'll see him again.
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