Stoners, druggies, and drunks used to freak me out but now I just find them funny...


:^I
That's my school for you.

OH MY GOD!

(*lower case characters here*)

...

That face reminded me of the grinch for some weird reason.... O_e

http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/imgx/1...g-13021741.jpg

Does that not look similar to you guys? XD Besides the whole "being green" thing? xDDD

They look shockingly similar xD

May be triggering ... :/ don't read if you're going to get mad
 

... My brother is so angry...
I guess he's going through the time in his life when he learns to control his temper, since he's a little young, but still...
He blew up at the tennis courts the other day, threatening his buddy and everyone jumped in to defend him while my brother just kept turning around, screaming, "Shut up! Shut up!" ...Even I was telling him to calm down...

It made me sick to see him so miserable and so outcasted... by his own doing.

I'm embarrassed to go back to the tennis courts now, I don't know what they'll think of me... Even though it was all my brother, I feel like I should take the blame from the entire group for what my brother did and I want to apologize for him but I can't. He doesn't deserve that: he doesn't deserve to never learn to take responsibility for himself.

But I noticed something weird when he came home and we finally got him to talk about it... All this time (as his anger problem has been persisting for about a month now) I had been expecting him to say that his anger had been stemming from issues he had with himself, like me... I guess I was expecting him to be just like me. I was getting ready to explain some stuff to him if he said that he DID hate himself, if he DID say that he feels guilty and doesn't know why, if he DID say that he deserves to be shunned, and if he DID try to punch or hit himself or wanted to die... I was shocked when it had nothing to do with that. Absolutely shocked.
I realized that... no, not everyone feels like me. Not everyone grew up waiting for the next time they were going to have to run and hide in the closet. Not everyone cries in their sleep, not everyone has trust issues, not everyone is messed up. Most people have had supper in the past month, most people don't hear things calling their name through their computer. And sometimes the only thing that helps me to keep functioning is looking at the people around me and thinking, "... They all feel the same way you do." But now I realize that that's not the case and now I'm more certain than ever that no one in my real life can ever know this stuff, no one can ever know the thoughts I have to deal with every day, the thoughts that I've worked so hard to keep at the back of my head but even there they gnaw away at me and whisper to the part of me that's just trying to get by, to get to next year, to live a normal life and get a good career and get married one day.
I know bad things happen to everyone, and so do bad thoughts, but this is the first time I've realized that not many people have them at the same intensity that I do, because if anyone would, it would be my angsty, angry, short-tempered, disconnected little brother and he doesn't. And I'm so glad... but I wish that I could have someone else's brain for just a little while... someone else's personality. I don't know...

I dunno if this is teenage melodrama. I doubt it. I've had problems like this since I was just a little kid, starting with whenever I tried to close my eyes and go to sleep and as I got older, it began slowly devouring the rest of my day until every waking moment, I'm afraid that something is going to go wrong with me and I have to always be prepared.......

(*sigh*)

It's just me and you, emotional venting thread.

Why would I get mad after reading this? O.o Why would anyone...?

D: You don't have to feel embarrassed. You weren't the one that blew up, your brother did. You can't always take the blame for him--he needs to take responsibility for his actions. He can't have his well-meaning sister always bailing him out and taking the hit for him.


*reads the rest of your post* Well...um.......djnhfkjhdf. x_x

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0lln0E4Kz1qcw5fd.gif

Um....uh..... >_< How the heck do I word this?

Okay, I think I got it. Forgive me if I ramble and it takes me a while to get my point across.

Look, Cass....I know, misery loves company. It's nice to have someone who's in the same boat as you. But the thing is...you're a unique person. So you have unique problems. But, no matter what, even if you don't know anyone in person who has the same issues as you, know that there IS someone out there in the world who's going through the same thing. You're not totally alone. I know, you wish you could identify with someone. I feel that way, too. But just...just....try to focus on being glad no one's hurting like you are. Be glad that your brother doesn't have a serious mental issue or his problems stem from the same weed that yours do. Be happy that this will blow over for him. Focus on the people you love being happy. It doesn't always work, but it helps, trust me.

And, I know this isn't much but...you know that you always have me. I at least have an IDEA of how you feel. We share a bunch of common problems. I really wish that there was some way I could comfort you more. Make you see that despite the fact you want someone else's brain and personality for a while, the one you have right now is pretty freaking amazing. So what if you feel a bit rough around the edges? You'll get through this. You've gotten through much worse issues in the past. <:^J I know that you can work through this. You're stronger than you think.

I care about you, Sandy. And so does your family. And your KP family. Just keep telling yourself that you're not alone, even if not many people know how you feel to the letter. You still have wonderful friends and a loving family. Tell yourself you can get through this.

"If you aren't just a little bit depressed, then you aren't paying very much attention to what's going on in the world."

Mom is in the hospital again. Stupid diverticulitis. I'm just really scared she's going to die, because the medicene she has makes her sick. I don't know what I'd do without my Mom. D: She's already been in the hospital once for it, and now this...

I'm trying not to focus on the negative, and I keep trying to tell myself she'll get better soon, but the thing that bothers me the most is that I don't know if she will.

If you pray, please keep her in your prayers. I'm sure she'll appreciate them. :/

I don't know... people seem to get really mad when someone vents about something lately. o_O
And oh, believe me, at the same time I am VERY, VERY glad that no one else/not many people feel the way I do, even if it leaves me isolated. I am really grateful for this, I would rather take it than someone else, ESPECIALLY not my little bro.
And no, it's okay, you don't have to feel like you should comfort me more... I don't always need comfort... I just need answers. I don't understand why all of this is happening to me... like, when I look at my life, there's no reason I should have developed like this. No one died, no one brutally abused me, I was never horrifically bullied or teased like some kids, we're a well-off family in a nice house, I get good grades... I guess I'm that kid that no one would suspect. :/
I'm not particularly heartbroken over the fact that it's starting to "come back"... I know how to ignore it, I know how to keep my mouth shut (except on here, haha... ha... ha... ._.), so most of the time I'm listening to what my brain is telling me like this ----> 8^I But it never means that the stuff goes away, telling me... telling me that I'm worthless (this particular thing is getting... well, I don't want to say out of hand because I can keep it under my skin, y'know... but it's getting... intrusive? I dunno), telling me that I might as well just lay down and die because my life is never going to go anywhere so why waste energy, that although I may not be (entirely) ugly on the outside (thank god I've gotten past that... <_<) but that I'm ugly down to the bone, in my heart...
I find it sad that one of the main reasons I'm going into the IB programme is so I have something special about me, something I can finally say I did, y'know, like, "Guys, look what I did! I got the IB diploma! I guess this means I have some value, right?" but I know that eventually that will fade and I"ll be just another IB graduate who is necrotic and insane and that's the only way they were able to do all that schoolwork, from being an absolute raving nut.


(I can't remember if I already said this but whatever) I guess I'm not desperate for help at this point, I'm just complaining, I suppose... Complaining about how all this (*gestures at all this stuff*) crap is haunting me and hanging over my head like a dead goose. Am I sick of it? Yes. Can I deal with it and tough it out? Yes. Is there a chance that it will ever be gone for good? Hardly. But I accept that.


I guess... thanks for listening, Ash... but I'm so sorry that you have to deal with me, I don't know if anything is triggering for you but when I was trying to help out my brother, pretty much everything that happened was a trigger for me... You can bail on me anytime, you know? <:^/ I understand.

I don't pray, but you and your mom will DEFINITELY be in my thoughts, and I wish you both the best of luck... 8^( I'm so sorry for what you're going through... again, best of luck, you sound like you're doing an AMAZING job dealing with this so far! >_< Hang in there, both of you, I'm sure things will turn out!