So wish me luck for tomorrow. I have to survive the bitch-who-should-not-be-a-bitch again. And get to my spot first. And not kill the aforementioned bitch. It's illegal, last I heard. And it would prove all those retards right about me. I have violent impulses, yes. I just want to be left alone without anyone taking my spot in the library to read a book on mythology. Asian cultures here I come.

We haven't discussed Chinese New Year in my family this year at all, which is really unusual, but I don't want to say anything about it.

D:
I'm really sorry, Heather. I hope he gets better, for what it's worth.

any way the wind blows
nothing really matters


dad
please stop asking me if i'm okay
do you think i like lying to you?



parents in general
please stop talking about me behind my back
i do not like crying when i hear what you say
i just had to turn up my music almost full volume
because i couldn't listen any longer



parents in general, again
please stop asking me about my writing
yes it's great that you finally accept that i like writing
and writing is my thing
and i'm apparently quite good at it (?stilldebatable?)
but
when you guys get involved in the contests
it is HELL
having you henpeck me
and lean over my shoulder
i want my f*cking privacy
and some of the things i write (allofthem) are personal
and i don't like you checking up on my 'progress'
it was better when i was a just-for-fun writer
i f*cking hate competitions
but now
everyone expects so much of me
i'm not even gonna enter at this rate
and i really don't care
because
writing isn't something i do so you can critique it
and flaunt it
and brag over me when i win something
"look our daughter isn't a failure after all"
may not be your exact words
but that's what it feels like
and i just hate it
i don't like you guys anymore
it's fine to be supportive
but don't use me
i'm not your f*cking pet
i'm your daughter
i have feelings
and i only write in particular circumstances
checking up on me like you do with my homework does NOT help
because writing is not my homework
writing is my life
and yes, i'm writing now
and you assume i'm working on the contest entry
because i'm not allowed
to work on anything for fun anymore, i guess
and maybe that's not what you mean
but again
it feels like it
and now i'm crying
and you're going off to something at church
and i couldn't give less of a f*ck
and i'm just turning up bohemian rhapsody again
because
i can't deal with you right now
i'm glad you're gone
i don't like you hanging over my shoulder every f*cking minute of my life
you don't trust me
which is fine
you really have no reason to trust me
and i've never given you one
but i've always come through in the end
and i'm reliable
don't you see that i've nearly never let you down?
you just like to highlight my flaws
and only the really big things that i do
like winning some godforsaken contest that i really don't care about at all
and getting over 100% on a math test
i mean
whatever
that's not important to me, really
and it shouldn't be important to you
mom, you once told me
that you like the small things in life
and you appreciate them
but
you don't appreciate the small things about me
at all


so you think you can stop me
and spit in my eye
so you think you can love me
and leave me to die

Oh sweety. Heather. At first there's no appreciation, then Anne has you enter that cintest ad kaboom. You just need to hold on, and the current will be pulling you, but you won't be trying to get away, just hold on.

So I was in a car today for over 4 hours, just so I could go to my Aunt's house, to, for what I had thought to be just to see their basement, which they remodeled. Then we go downstairs, and she announces that's she's pregnant (yay!), and we go out for lunch/dinner. We come back an hour and a half later because the place was slow, and then my parents announce we had to leave... I'm just kinda pissed that we drove for 4+ hours total, just so my two brothers and I could learn that we're going to have another cousin... I mean, I love that I can babysit, but I just wish she didn't want to have us find out over the phone, rather than in person...
Bleh, just needed to get that out...

nO, i need to get away, because my parents are just using it as excuses and such and they're stressing out over it when DO THEY REALIZE THE LAST ONE I WROTE THAT WON THE SECOND PLACE PRIZE WAS WRITTEN IN ONE ENTIRE F*CKING NIGHT AND EDITED IN THE TWO DAYS AFTER GODF*CKINGDAMMIT


sadg;ksdghsd;g

well
i skipped breakfast
and was thisclose
to not eating dinner
but
i'm eating dinner
and
i hate myself

DON'T HATE YOURSELF! You're being strong and you're making the people who love you happier. So why should it make you hate yourself?