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8D So, I have a buttload of important stuff I have to do tomorrow/oncethesunrises. And it's nearly 4 A.M., and I can't sleep.
I'm in for another lovely sluggish tired day. ^_^ What I'm going to look like tomorrow/oncethesunrises: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mak78bwTYe1r3n85p.gif What I seriously wish I could do right now: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m46jqj0FyB1rp6gwm.gif |
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Everyone. Here. Must. Really. Be. Annoyed. With. Me.... -_-
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I once posted thrice on Forum Game and no one even acknowledged my presence.
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It's like "I bought some bath salts and ate all my kids. They're always eating my food." o_O Sorry, that was probably offensive somehow... sorry... I'll escort myself out... Quote:
And everyone else seems to have gotten there before me: you are an exceptional debater. Your logic is effective, your points are clear and valid, and HECK OF COURSE YOU'RE SMART ENOUGH. I would have thought you were TOO smart. o_o Quote:
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(... o_o HOLY CRAP GOD I JUST REALIZED THIS ENTIRE THING IS DIRECTLY RELEVANT TO RAMMSTEIN'S "MUTTER" = "MOTHER"...) I am still not very familiar with JW beliefs... but if you believe that she is still with you in spirit... perhaps that can offer some relief from pain? |
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I know what it IS, technically speaking, but......what...I just...my brain....it just can't....why..... OTL I have no words. Thanks for trying, anyway. No...we believe that when you die...you die. o_o That's it. You don't feel anything, you don't think anything, you don't do anything. It's like you're asleep. Thus the term "fall asleep in death." My only solace is that one day, if I just work hard enough for it, and do what's right, I might just meet her in Paradise, when she comes back... ^_^ |
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I know the feeling. Mreh. |
I can't f*cking do it anymore.
I hate choir. I hate those stupid girls who chit chat and gossip and are the best of friends. I hate people who have no problems in their lives. I hate music that is all really depressing and good and then they start blurting out JESUS LOVES ME AND IT'S ALL OKAY or something like that. I hate my friends. My friends hate me. It's messed up. |
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I am so incredibly fucking happy.
It's amazing. Just yesterday I felt like a whiny bitch (well, I WAS a whiny bitch, but beside the point) and the entire week was perfect until I realized that I'd basically been as emotionally charged as a non-haywire robot the entire time. And then Friday, the sadness came back and overwhelmed me. But here I am. Happy. It's kind of weird to feel happy like this. I'm not really used to it. But I sure as hell am enjoying it while it lasts. :'D |
This cat is sitting on the fence between sanity and truth. He's not sitting like a cat, with its paws curled into its chest and its tail curled into his paws, he's sitting with one leg on each side of the fence, with his bleeding tail stump wriggling haphazardly because most of it got ripped to pieces by the thorns on the bush it had to jump on to get to the fence. It's not a comfortable position for a cat, but this cat doesn't care. Not because this cat wanted to get on the fence, but because this cat just doesn't feel anything. This cat is a zombie, living with no functioning brain, and this cat is just lumbering around trying to find one. But since he has no brain to think, he eats the brain he finds instead of screwing his head opening and popping it in. All the while, his bleeding tale is splashing the fence red like a garden hose left to its own devices. This cat watches everyone from his lonely post (but he doesn't know it's lonely, he's too brainless and stupid to know that) and sees people suffer and people laugh and people who suffer laugh and he doesn't know what to make of it. It's possible he can't make anything of it, and what he sees just flies out his other ear, but for Pete's sake, let's assume he can even though he can't. He sees people crying and screaming and kicking at the world on the grass beneath him on the dark side, their wrists sore and their parents angry, and he sees happy people. But the happy people are normal people, and he's not a normal person. And the thing is, he isn't even a person; he's a cat. He's sitting on the fence between sanity and the truth and he doesn't know what(how) to think. Because people are happy and people are sad - how happy is he, and how sad is he? How can he tell? He has a heart, but he doesn't feel anything. He wants to disappear, his lack of a brain is strained to ribbons and gore after centuries of frustrated thinking on his thinking post (he thinks he may be going insane.. but he doesn't think), he feels he can't cough up his carcass of a heart and it's making him choke, he knows there is no reason for him to feel him and every reason for him to be like the normal kids or the sad kids, but he does. And he does disappear in a sense, but it doesn't help him anything. Everyone can see him, flailing, stump spurting with color, but he doesn't see himself. He's Charlie Brown after Snoopy performed his phony magic tricks on him, and he needs to paint mud on him to be able to see himself temporarily. But then the mud dries and falls off and it's over and he's left even more invisible than before. And he doesn't know what to do he doesn't know what to do but just crawl further into the abysses of his throat and settle beside his nonfunctioning intestines and wait till his body drops dead on the fence and the centuries pass and the flesh rots off his bones and the meat rots away and the bones dissolve into cocaine and he's left alone in the apocalyptic setting of the fence, 1000 light years in the future. And he still doesn't know what to do, and he can't disappear anymore. He's just stuck and confused and brainless and tailless and stupid and his heart is still stuck in his throat and he keeps smiling, stop smiling, the story just got sad.
im so happy cuz today i found my friends in my head |
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You won't lose all of them. Quote:
Thanks… And it really doesn't mean a lot. :'3 The same to you… you're an amazing person and a great friend, even if I've never met you. And I'm sorry you have the same problems, too. Quote:
*can also pretty much relate* Quote:
If you ever need to talk to someone, you can email me, if you want. Quote:
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no dad i can make friends for myself and think for myself. yes, i am atheist. im not buddhist, and never will be. atheist, you got that? A-T-H-E-I-S-T. nope, no religion. and also, i don't need your fkking lies. two years ago you said, "we aren't going to force you to be friends with anybody." but that is a straight-up lie. First grade-fifth grade, you pestered me to talk to C and E. You bothered me saying "talk to them! be their friend! why don't you be their friend!" Sixth grade, T and me stopped being friends. You yelled at me and told me i should just be her friend and continue talking to her. And now, seventh grade, you're screaming at me and trying to make me be friends with CJ. Why can't you see I don't want to be friends with CJ? i'm not going to be friends with CJ. yeah, we used to be best friends, not anymore. Why do you lie and say you won't force me to be friends with anyone? To make yourself look better? to install false trust? give up, i see right past through it.
this is why i don't trust you at all. this is why i never tell you anything. i wonder how you'd react if i told you i like a girl. yes, my own gender. you say you support gays, then laugh and joke and make fun of gays. how can i trust you to tell you about her? how would i know that you wont ridicule me? |
and i lie every single day, i say im happy but overall i'm not. i'm really only happy around her but other than that, i feel like shit and i rely on my music and you're threatening to take away my music because what? "they are loud and screaming and heavy and they are bad. i don't know what they are saying, but they are a bad influence!" these people that you call "bad" are the reason i'm still here. Sick Puppies, Three Days Grace, My Chemical Romance. I trust them more than I trust you. they are here to comfort me when nobody else is, and you're threatening to not let me listen to them? what, do you want me to relapse and start lying again about the cuts on my arms? because that is what will happen if you take away my music, i need them.
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Okay, I know this sounds really childish and stupid and self-conscious and a lot of you are probably going to think "Jeez Stephanie, get over it! It doesn't even matter what you look like in high school!" but this is kind of important to me.
I just feel so... ugly. I have acne, and even though I know it's not like terrible or anything, every time I talk to someone, I don't even want to look at them in the eye because I know that they're staring at me and judging me and I probably look really rude and stuff, but I'm NOT. This one time, my mom was talking to this girl and I said hi and went away because I was having a huge breakout and my mom was like "Stephanie, you seemed so cold" and I couldn't tell her the real reason. I mean, I know I'm not ugly, I've had people tell me that I'm pretty before but... every time I just look in the mirror, it puts me down. it seems like all the girls at my school are more clear-faced, social, and better than me. |
I'm part of a leadership program at my school...a secret leadership program. Our first mission was to make friends with the sixth graders at our school because they're new and don't really know what to do. About a month ago I met this sixth grader at quick recall practice named Luke, and how he's like my bestfriend. Actually, I treat him more like a little brother. I've always wanted a younger brother, and now it's like I have one. :) I am actually really happy. Today I went to his quick recall competition to work consessions and we hung out and him and all his friends said I was the Team Mom. XD So now he calls me Mom. Haha.
But yeah...today was a good day. :) |
I'm sick of everyone lying to me. My parents, my friends, the people I thought I could trust, but really, all they do is use me. They don't even seem to realize I'm a person and that I actually have this thing called feelings.
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Luke, the sixth grade friend ^^, just texted me and said I <3 MY MOMMY! :D
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Oh my gosh he's a freaking manipulative jerk. He lied in front of all my friends about what i said and im sick of him. I do not think he's attractive; i never said that, and frankly, i never will. What the f*** is with him.
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Can someone help? :( |
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We've both got lying, hypocritical dads, then. My dad lets me have my own beliefs, doesn't care about who my friends are, but he lies about the stupidest things that make me very het up for no reason. |
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And don't be afraid to look them in the eyes! Don't be afraid of them judging you! I know, it's easier said then done, but you've got to be yourself. You are who you are and they should accept you for who you are :) And you say you have acne, but don't worry, you're probably not the only person they know who has acne. You aren't alone :) Just remember to be yourself and don't let them judge you |
I can't believe it.
I can't believe YOU. I should've known this was too good to last. |
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