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Thanks. XP Would you like a link to the edited version?
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I FINISHED it today. :D I can't believe it. This is the last post of Un-edited version of Book 1: http://www.kidpub.com/book-page-or-c...ears-making-sp |
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Anyway, I left my USB in the classroom, but oh well. It's not like I'll be able to write something AND go on KidPub in, like, ten minutes. |
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my life is extremely fucked up. not that everyone else's isn't, or that i have a special right to complain, i'm just stating a fact. my emotions are out of control. i can't do anything properly. i don't understand anything, i just follow the patterns and follow the crowd and follow, follow, fucking FOLLOW. i want to do something more than follow but i can't because i've been following all my life and if i stop now i won't even know what to fucking do. i'm seriously just a pet to my parents. i'm a little dog they feed, buy random shit for, occasionally dress, etc., etc. but i don't get it. i had such a good relationship with my parents and i was proud of it and i don't even know where that fucking time WENT. it just disappeared and i don't know if it was gradual or all at once because i didn't even notice at first that i wasn't telling them shit. i wasn't telling them anything anymore and we weren't friends and maybe breaking up with your parents is worse than breaking up with your boyfriend (not that i would know) because parents you actually RELY on. but i can't do anything right anymore and i can't fix anything worth a shit and i just want to give up. giving up is the best option right now. because sometimes when i'm bored and in the car with my dad i still talk to him and we were talking about what provokes suicide one day (yes, our topics are always like that, it's normal for us, at least that hasn't changed even if my emotions have) and i was saying how in some cases it's acceptable: like when you feel you are really alone, when you feel you mean nothing, are worthless. when the only option is to disappear for good because you don't exist anyways. suicide is all about it NOT MATTERING. and i don't really feel like i matter anymore. people still talk to me and trust me with stuff but at school i only really get involved in stuff to feel like i'm important, like i'm worth something. because otherwise it would be so, so easy to just give up. but no, i'm trying. i'm grasping at the little things because the big things i just don't get anymore. the little things are keeping me alive right now but i don't want to live that way. i want to be big and spontaneous and awesomely beautiful and right now i'm kind of just feeling like gum on a shoe, no one really wants me around but they're too lazy to pick me off. and i KNOW that's not true, that's the worst part of it--i know i'm loved and special and MATTER, blah blah blah. i know all that. yet i can't stop myself from feeling this way, like i'm emotionally unstable, a volcano due to erupt any minute and anyone who's in the way, watch out. which i guess is mostly my parents. they've been most in the way when my emotional torrents are released and i guess that's partially why we're drifting. that and i'm a 'teenager,' shit, blah blah whatever, 'take care of yourself because i don't fucking care anymore,' blah blah blah. and that's another problem: my parents always were hovering and overbearing and now they're trying to stop. which i would be perfectly okay with except for this emotional shit which is completely weighing me down and i need someone to dump it on and i tried for that to be my parents. but now they're all 'blah blah high school blah blah initiative blah blah take care of yourself blah blah shit.' so that's not really helpful. my friends... guys, don't feel guilty. i haven't been telling you this for a reason. mainly, i HATE being a burden. and even when i need to vent desperately it's super-hard because i just don't like burdening people. this thread was my escape from that for awhile, then my dad banned computer times going past my laptop curfew and my life got really fucking busy, as in, HIGH SCHOOL busy, and i just didn't have the time so there was all this emotional sludge draining around in me, pushed to one side and kind of just left there looking gray, like old snow. so please, please don't feel guilty about this. it's not your fault. it's mine. and you're hopefully not going to read this anyways, so whatever. but my relationship status with my emotions right now is stuck permanently on 'it's complicated.' i just don't know how to change that.
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This is how I feel right now....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-2iDdR9ihg IDGAF about the haters right now. :D |
I don't know why that I'm ALWAYS the person people like to prank. It's aggravating. And what's more aggravating is that I keep falling for it.
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Nope. They're my friends.
I'm very sensitive, too. Like the time my friend took my book away and I didn't notice. I was scrabbling at my schoolbag and she was laughing on top of the stairs. |
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I am SUPER sensitive. :( People say that I'm either an idiot or a retard and I get really irritated and kick them. ;_; I don't get why they have to be so...mean, cruel. I'm sorry for you. T_T Don't mind 'em, Lauren. I feel the same way too. |
WRITERS are supposed to write new story ideas and collect information from other authors for ideas. =_= Then, there is me; the person who is sitting at my laptop, thinking of a new idea that will be a classic on KidPub...and I am failing. ._. I AM trying to do it but it just won't come. Blehdkasdsa. ~_~ I need to try to think. I have been sitting here for a few hours and still, nothing will come to me. It just...#_# It makes me look like a crappy writer, just sitting here, mind blank.
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I can't explain it— =_= When I get pranked, I occasionally laugh a bit—more like chuckle. Then when it comes to...real pranking, I...cry. #_# |
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And in reply to your other post, nope, I don't. An idea comes to me, I keep it inside my brain, guarding it with a mental Minotaur like it would dissolve if exposed to oxygen. Different things happen and I add bits to the idea. Plot holes and difficulties, I work them out myself. As for characters, they some time come to me as vague as the idea, or maybe I'd have to make them up. But I can't make out an idea from scratch. It'd be like building a tower out of toothpicks: brittle and me straining to keep it from falling to bits. |
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My god, parents are the WORST. I can't wait to move out.
it's a really weird feeling when you look up in a crowd and realize you're alone and it's okay because you're going to be that way for the rest of your goddamn life |
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You know, it's really more like an interactive movie than a video game. You feel like you actually know these characters; it's incredibly well-written. Also, how can you not love this: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9...tbn7o2_400.png |
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Gosh, yeah I know your better then me, you can shut up now. Let a girl have a little self confidence. You don't have to rub it in my face.
I've realized there's only one thing I'm okay at, and that's writing. Because writing is the only way to talk without being interrupted. |
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You like the walking dead. New BFF. :P |
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Andy St. John: A salt lick. Clementine: But don't lick it, it tastes bad. Lee: Did you lick it? Clementine: I don't know. |
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Lee: Did you put a bug on his pillow? Clem: ...Maybe... If she dies in episode 5 I am going to be really upset. ._. |
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Have you played the game/watched Pewdiepie or Cry play it? |
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He's freaking epyk. :cool: |
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Also CarLee is my OTP. Best pairing ever. Spoilers: Even though Carley is dead. |
o_o I despise Algebra with every fiber of my being.
Who cares if I'm an “A” student in all my other classes EXCEPT Algebra (and Spanish but that doesn't count it's just an elective anyway)? When I'm doing my Algebra work, I feel like a total failure. "A chemist wants to make [insert number here; the test told me what it was, but I don't want anyone trying to solve it for me, that would be cheating] liters of a 7% acid solution by mixing a 9% acid solution and a 4% acid solution. How many liters of each solution should the chemist use?" I'm sorry, but, here’s where the whole right-brained left-brained thing gets in my way. (A person who is "left-brained" is often more logical, analytical and objective, while a person who is "right-brained" is more intuitive, thoughtful and subjective. Left-brained people are better at Math and Science. Right-brained people are better at Reading and Writing. I’m a right-brained person, so it's hard for me to submit to following steps I don’t understand for the sake of solving the problem. I NEED to grasp the meaning behind why each step is taken, or my brain goes off on a tangent.) The immediate thought tangent I went off on after reading this “acid solution problem”: This chemist person seems to have something better to do than doing all this crazy percentage work. Is that why he's making me do it for him? Sheeish. Why can't he just go out and buy the [insert number here] liters of 7% acid solution? Is he stranded on a deserted island with me and we have an unlimited amount of 9% acid solution and 4% acid solution, and desperately need to make it into the [insert number here] liters of 7% acid solution or we're going to die? o_o (I'm NOT trying to mock this, I'm serious. O_O) When am I going to need this kind of math to help me get a job and keep it? And what KIND of job would this be useful for? I can tell you now, I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up, but I certainly won't be a chemist. So…um…what? D: I'm so stupid. o_o I started to get angry at myself. All I wanted to do was rip my Math notebook to shreds. HOWEVER: Doing that would be a real waste of paper. (sorry, trees). Not to mention unhealthy. Such a surge of adrenaline and stress hormones takes a toll on your heart after the years go by. And getting angry never solves the problem. It just makes it worse, actually. When I realized I was stumped, and felt the anger beginning to simmer inside of me, threatening to boil over, I asked myself, “How are you going to react to this, Ash? What’s the best way to do this?” In short, I wrote a nice note to my teacher saying I haven't the foggiest idea how to answer that problem, and I've tried my best to understand it with my textbook and using online Algebra help, but I still don't understand how to solve that problem. I also mentioned that I'm getting an Algebra tutor. (Thank GOSH someone in my family understands this crazy foreign mathematical language. X_x) Me. Getting a tutor. ... Half of me wants to scream, the other half just wants to go take a nap and forget about all this. ;w; *headdesk* |
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