The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

Reasons I'm Mad/Sad:

~My friend is a liar.
~I'm crushing on my best guyfriend, but he has a girlfriend.
~I have a big project due Monday and me and my friend have to get together over the weekend to work on it but my parents won't let me skip church. *eyeroll*
~I'm NEVER allowed to skip church.

Reasons I'm Happy/Excited:

~My group's KYA bill got picked.
~I get to see my best guyfriend twice a week.
~My best guyfriend is going to KYA, too.
~I have finally mastered The Cup Song. :D
~Mom is bringing home pizza tonight for dinner.

What I Hate About Myself:

~My nose is too big.
~My teeth and gapped out.
~My soccer thighs are huuuuge.

What I Love About Myself:

~Personality
~Choice in friends
~Body
~Attitude (for the most part)
~My Laugh (or "cackle" as my friends call it XD)

I don't know...my feelings are all over the place. I'm trying to tell myself I'm happy, but it's honestly back and forth. Things just don't seem worth the effort anymore. I wish people didn't change, and everything didn't get so difficult. This kinda helped me, though. Making those lists ^^. It's Friday, and I'm just going to try to enjoy it.

Yay! I’m glad you feel good! And I can't believe that your KYA bill went through! I'm so happy for you now!

HeatherB

11-16-2012 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 363991)

YAY. You love me. :D

I finally broke out of it. Every single time I saw someone post on here, my heart broke into smaller pieces. But now- pity- no. Last night, I thought I wold have to do the sound for the play all alone, and I broke. I cried hysterically into a pillow, and killed several pieces of paper, by the way of crumpling and throwing them with force into the trash. But it's gone. All gone. Now, I AM happy, I couldn't be happier. The play was amazing, the actors were perfect, on cue, the sound went perfectly, and Heather showed up- THANK YOU HEATHER- and I want to cry, because life is so perfect.

YOU'RE WELCOME SOPHIA. xD

i

lvhamsters

11-16-2012 07:24 PM

I thought I had someone who cared.

I lied to myself.

I need someone who will listen to me, in person, and be with me when I'm depressed or who will listen to my problems, such as right now. The person who I 'thought' was someone I could talk to is always comparing to my best friend, whose been cutting and having suicidal thoughts. Such as when I'm depressed he says, "Oh, you're sounding like _ And you don't want to be like her, do you?"
IM SO SICK OF IT.
I'm always being compared to her and people don't seem to understand that I'm my own person!
Did it ever fricking occur to you that maybe I am depressed!? That I'm not copying her?!?! I have problems too.
I just need someone who can listen and be there.

HeatherB

11-16-2012 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 364050)

Well, I was about to be super helpful and cheery and tell you you could talk to ME, but then I reread it and saw the 'in person' part. I can't help you with that, but... if you ever need a listening ear, I'm right here and willing to hear whatever you need to say. :')

MaryElizabeth

11-16-2012 07:53 PM

vSwearing

My HSPT is tomorrow morning.

Holy shit.

lvhamsters

11-16-2012 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 364083)

I will listen to ANYONE. (sorry about in person :C)

*cough* why would anyone copy someone of being depressed O_o

you are an individual, not her, and maybe you just need to tell him to listen, not judge, not say a word. Just listen. I writ in a notebook as if I'm telling my friend all of these things running through my head, and then scribble an chuck it out. That does a world of good.

Just remember that it WILL get better (:

Thank you :')

And, I know right? That's what I don't get. It's really stupid. I don't know why he would think that O_o

Thank you again, I shall try that and hope and pray nobody finds and reads it or else im doomed :')

Emaafre

11-16-2012 11:20 PM

AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! Why doesn't anyone understand! School is so stressful, I'm sad all the time, and my STUPID STEPMOM DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HELPING AND STRESSING ME OUT! THAT'S WHY I CUT MYSELF, 'CAUSE NO ONE'S THERE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rockshadow

11-16-2012 11:52 PM

I did it.

I told my friend how i felt about her. I don't know if she'll respond. i don't know what her reaction will be like.

But I'm scared I'm going to lose her...even though I need to let go of our friendship.

TheAshWolf

11-17-2012 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emaafre (Post 364120)

;w; I know how you feel when it comes to school and people trying to help but end up stressing you out. I go through that all the time.

I know we're all probably just faceless and voiceless screen names on here to you, but we really ARE here for you, Emma. I'm here, Sandy's here, and so many other KPers are here for you. <:^J I wish there were more people in your life off the computer that could help you out. D: Please don't cut....I know it can make you feel a bit better, but in the long run, it just makes things worse...

LaurenM

11-17-2012 08:35 AM

Guise guise guise.
I think I might've gotten a new PB for 800 m!
/spaz
I'm not sure, though, since the sports ground timer went faulty (just terrific timing, WAC. Simply terrific)
But I THINK it might be 0.7 seconds faster if my coach's timing was correct...I haven't reached the 2:40's for a long time.

meerkat

11-17-2012 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 364154)

Lucky... you get to run... I miss track season :'(

LaurenM

11-17-2012 11:00 AM

I get to run too much. WAY too much. We'd better take average. /nods

Rockshadow

11-17-2012 11:03 AM

I'm going to have to let my best friend go. She's hurt me way too much. It's time to move on.

I'm sorry.

wildwolf

11-17-2012 11:59 AM

So my father and I are walking up to the post office. He just... ditches me at one point, on purpose. To cross 4 busy intersections. I could've been hit by a car, kidnapped, mugged, or raped.
He didn't care.
I hate him.

lvhamsters

11-17-2012 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockshadow (Post 364127)

:( I hope that goes well . . . .

Rockshadow

11-17-2012 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 364247)

:( I hope that goes well . . . .

me too. :/ she has rosie, at least..she doesn't need me.

lvhamsters

11-17-2012 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockshadow (Post 364282)

me too. :/ she has rosie, at least..she doesn't need me.

Have you gotten a reply yet?
Aww :( She'd be really missing out, though, to not have someone as amazing as you are for a friend!

lvhamsters

11-17-2012 04:09 PM

What's your problem?
You get depressed when you find out your crush has a boyfriend! And then you say f*** my life. And then you just leave. You don't even say bye.

That's right, just spread the pain.

lvhamsters

11-17-2012 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 364295)

D:

What happened?

:(

Ugh. My friend found out his crush has a boyfriend when we were talking online and then he started cursing at me and letting out all of his anger and then he just left abruptly without saying bye.

Rockshadow

11-17-2012 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 364284)

Have you gotten a reply yet?
Aww :( She'd be really missing out, though, to not have someone as amazing as you are for a friend!

aw thanks. :) and don't worry about the crush thing, he'll get over it.

lvhamsters

11-17-2012 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockshadow (Post 364306)

aw thanks. :) and don't worry about the crush thing, he'll get over it.

Haha XD Yeah, it's true. But the thing is, he goes through crushes really fast. And it happens every single time -_-

Rockshadow

11-17-2012 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 364307)

Haha XD Yeah, it's true. But the thing is, he goes through crushes really fast. And it happens every single time -_-

Then talk to him about it.

lvhamsters

11-17-2012 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockshadow (Post 364316)

Then talk to him about it.

I'm horrible at words DX Not to mention I hate letting out my feelings to my friends I see in real life. I'm scared they'll hate me. Especially after what happened a while ago . . . . O_o

Rockshadow

11-17-2012 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lvhamsters (Post 364322)

I'm horrible at words DX Not to mention I hate letting out my feelings to my friends I see in real life. I'm scared they'll hate me. Especially after what happened a while ago . . . . O_o

Look..I know it's hard to tell them what you really feel, but trust me, it makes things 100x better.

lvhamsters

11-17-2012 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockshadow (Post 364347)

Look..I know it's hard to tell them what you really feel, but trust me, it makes things 100x better.

I guess so. I'll give it a try. And if I do say something mean, he kinnddd of deserves it after what he said to my best friend.
~comes to a sudden realization~
WHY AM I EVEN FRIENDS WITH HIM!?!?

CosmoCat

11-17-2012 07:33 PM

We watched Brave today...I almost cried. And not because I'm the kind of girl who cries at every movie she sees. No, it was because of some of the things that Merida was saying about her mother. My mom and I actually have that kind of relationship; she's shaping me to be like her, which in some ways is good, but that is not what I'm meant to be. I don't think she is emotional enough to realize that I'm hurting and that I need comfort. She doesn't care; she tries to do a good job, but I don't think it's working right now...I would gladly turn my mom into a bear if it meant that it would fix our relationship. She's always telling us that she and her mom never really had a good relationship and she's trying hard to raise us right. But she isn't extremely emotional; instead of saying "it's okay" she'll give you a lecture as to why you were wrong. It really hurts, especially since I'm sensitive and I take things seriously. I'm just really having a bad day. Thursday night was bad, most of Friday was bad, and today hasn't really helped...Listen to me, Mom...

lvhamsters

11-17-2012 07:50 PM

TWLOHA . . . .

~nods~

lvhamsters

11-17-2012 09:27 PM

"How are you?"

Broken, hurt, ugly, betrayed, feeling like the world's against me, depressed.

"I'm fine."

EmmaR

11-17-2012 10:07 PM

My emotional vents are so lame compared to most people, but I just have to rant about A Separate Peace for a minute here. There's some light swearing.

Goddammit Gene Forrester. God-effing-dammit. Screw you.
Y'know, this always happens. There are these friends in books, like Dart and Tamar (Tamar) or Gene and Finny (A Separate Peace) who I always fall in love with, then one goes all bitter on their ass! Look, I get really invested in fictional relationships, kay? GENE FORRESTER YOU BITTER BASTARD! What the hell is wrong with you? FINNY IS NOT TRYING TO SABOTAGE YOUR GRADES! He's your BEST FRIEND (though I *cough* think they have a bit of a thing for each other), for God's sake. Oh my God. Shut up. Shut up now before I go track down John Knowles and either kill him or have a tantrum at his feet.
Goddammit Gene Forrester.

Rockshadow

11-17-2012 10:53 PM

I hate hormones.

I hate that I get so angry when my mom asks me to do something simple. I hate that I get so emotional over the tiniest thing. I hate that I experience these emotions. I hate it, i hate it, i hate it.

Ruza	11-17-2012 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildwolf (Post 364208)

I highly doubt that your father would purposely put you in danger. e_e

evasong

11-17-2012 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockshadow (Post 364475)

Me too. And then you feel really bad. Then you try and say sorry and then your parents say you don't mean it because you'll just do it again but you can't help it. D: It's so bad.

My latest rant:

My crush is going out with my best friend but my best friend didn't know I liked him and the other day, I told her that I has liked him for a while and then she got all angry at me. She won't tell anyone, I know that for sure, but she told me that they were forever and that they will never ever break up but everyone else says that he still likes me and he spends more time with me then he does with her and he tease me, like flirting and all. I don't know what to do. I wish he would just tell the truth. He probably doesn't like me... he is going out with someone after all. *sigh*

It's so pathetic, I know. D: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Rockshadow

11-18-2012 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by evasong (Post 364484)

They'll break up. You're in middle school. They won't last.

lvhamsters

11-18-2012 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 364465)

That is exactly what runs through my head when someone asks me that.

No-one even suspects that maybe, for once, we AREN'T okay.

I haven't met or seen you, but I know you're not ugly. And KP is not against you. You know that (:

It's so true ;~; I guess some people just can't . . . see past their own feelings? Know that there are others who aren't okay? That's how my friends are. If we just keep smiling, they suspect we're okay . . . . but really, it's the inside that is being torn up. You can't see it from the outside all the time.

;~; Thank you.

lvhamsters

11-18-2012 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 364615)

Yeah...

my teacher saw me crying in class the other day. "I'm okay."

:l

D: what happened?
And you'd expect the teacher to realize something was wrong :( people these days....

lvhamsters

11-18-2012 05:05 PM

I just want to write hate all over my arms.

HeatherB

11-18-2012 07:03 PM

Saturday dentist appointment, in the waiting room with my dad, my mom is having her teeth checked in a room down the hall.
Dad: Are you okay?
Me: ...yeah?
Dad: I mean, are you feeling okay?
Me: (thinks this has something to do with my passing stomach bug) Yes.
Dad: ...
Me: *reads the newspaper*
Dad: Are you happy?
Me: ... *looks at him* *looks back down at the newspaper* ... *reads the newspaper*

...okay, so maybe the last time he asked me that, it didn't have to do with the Holocaust Museum after all.
Or maybe it did.
I don't know.
The bad (good? not so good? whatever?) part is that I can't answer that--can't answer that honestly. I mean, I write depressing poetry and all this stuff about death and I go on Tumblr to look for inspiring quotes everyday and email back and forth with my friends like nothing's wrong, my mom complains about everyone in the household being on the computer all day but she doesn't know what I do, she doesn't know that when I listen to Glee songs (and certain ones in particular) it's because they're my refuge, that when I'm typing I'm normally at the Quiet Place or the Thoughts Room or whatever just venting it all out to the blankness of my computer screen or surfing Tumblr for things to do when you feel like... well, emotionally unstable. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I wouldn't go that far. I'd just say that every time my mom comments on something that my COUSIN does, that I don't do, something tight clenches around my heart and I feel like collapsing, or when she criticizes the TINIEST thing about me my head becomes bird wings, light and soft and fragile, ready for its demise at the slightest touch. I've been feeling this way for awhile and the train wreck hasn't yet come and my mind dances in metaphors and I should be writing more but I can't and I don't. I want to be a normal person again without all this shit on my shoulders and rocks in my chest and I don't want to be so fucking breakable. I don't want this fragility that's come into my emotional life of a sudden, I just want to be happy and sad and mad like a NORMAL person and not make mountains out of molehills or curse my parents behind their backs every single goddamn day. I don't want to feel tears prickling in my eyes at the most offhand comment about me that was ever-so-slightly critical. I hate this. I hate feeling so fucking WEAK. I can't control this but I need, NEED to control this but I can't control my fragility because I'm FRAGILE, do you understand my paradox? I can't do anything about this and I just want to collapse into my bed and cry for a week until my eyes are burning and then I'll just sleep.

BlueMi

11-18-2012 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 364727)

Another reason I sometimes don't reply to these? They make me cry. Damn, I remember when I first met you in the summer between fifth and sixth grade, you seemed so HAPPY. But that was after fifth grade, which as you've described, wasn't the best year either. I had no idea who you are, what you were like. You were just this cute, happy little girl with pigtails and a huge smile. And even now, I read all your rants, you tell me all that stuff about your parents and depression... The Heather I know is probably only a quarter of who you really are. Yet I can still call you my best friend, because the Heather I know, despite any rants and every flaw she manages to point out, is still a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL person. So as long as you can come to school and ACT happy and confident and that's how everyone sees you... you're strong and brave.

HeatherB

11-18-2012 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueMi (Post 364730)

They make you cry? Oops. ;_; Yeah, I know, I was supah-happeh-energy-child then. Shmeh. The parental stuff only started like... this year? Holy shit, it only started THIS YEAR. WTF. >_> No, not how I see it. Hiding from yourself is one thing, because I can see through all my disguises. Hiding from others is just low and cowardly.

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