The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

The Writer's Block (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/index.php)

- Free advice (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/forumdisplay.php?f=8)

- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Quote:

Originally Posted by strawberry (Post 521604)

oh great i feel like shit again
what is this why can't i be happy for twelve hours
maybe i don't want to be happy which in that case i can't be helped
maybe i don't want to be helped which in that case i'll never be happy
but why am i ranting now no one cares
no one should care this crap is rubbish
sorry for spamming the thread every two days or something
but idk what else to do i feel lifeless
losing my writing, my singing, my reason to live
without those things i'm really just useless and no one cares
but i just can't hurt myself again because i'm too scared
i feel so weak
ignore this guys

oh honey no it's not rubbish at all and there's literally no such thing as spamming a thread (at least not that im really aware of shhhhh)
i'm sorry i'm really really bad at giving advice but you seem to be stuck in the same place that i am also in rn and i am sorry for that because you are much more rad than i and should definitely not be stuck in this whirlpool of whatever *hugs u very tight*
i know it's really scary (how much you feel, how little you feel, everything in between) to be in that place and i'm sorry but i don't know how to get you out of there but if i did i would *pets your hair and gives you good food*
im sorry i'm very useless when it comes to being a Good Giver Of Advice but i hope you get unstuck soon ok don't give up please don't give up find a new hobby find something that you're not even that good at but enjoy anyways and put as much of yourself as you can into it and do whatever you can that will help you get through these shitty days before you get out of the whirlpool of whatever *hugs you again*

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 521593)

*hugs u v tightly*
you're not a fuck up ok i love u bunches
noooo you're not stupid for sending her another compliment. it was a mistake but u didn't know that. i would've done the same thing man

*hugs you back*
just because you love me doesn't mean i'm not a fuck up
i love you

Quote:

Originally Posted by strawberry (Post 521604)

you're not spamming, it's okay
you're not useless, but i'm useless with words
ily and you're not alone okay

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 521591)

i full-out cried for the first time in a few weeks yesterday night.
i thought it would make me feel better.
but then my mom got upset at my dad because he was the one who triggered me into crying (well, not really, i triggered myself by being stupid, but she thought it was his fault) and then he got upset at himself and then i got more upset because i didn't want either of them to be upset at each other and
every time my parents argue (and it just keeps getting more and more frequent especially when my panic attacks increase) it feels like another crack i've put in their relationship and i can't stand that
plus yesterday afternoon i had a really rough therapy appointment because my therapist is digging too deep and i'm so upset because everyone acts like my depression is triggered by a little switch in my life somewhere along the way and if they just flip it it'll be gone and turned off even my therapist and THAT'S NOT TRUE my depression comes and goes and sometimes i am literally five years old inside of my head and giggly and other times i am mid-thirties and hardened and serious and practical but also arrogant and sometimes i am who i've come to believe is the real me, some bitch in high school who tries too hard to make people laugh just so she can leech off of their emotion when she lacks it and then when she has too many emotions she boards them up inside herself and i /think/ that's me but honestly i think i lost my personality sometime during 8th grade and now i'm just a sack of bones and water who takes up too much space in her tiny world and yet somehow i'm still trying to get bigger.
also getting back to my original point about my therapist can she please not go digging for painful things about my life that she finds unhealthy but i actually LIKE and why doesn't she trust me when i say it's not the problem because trust me when/if i find my 'problem' i will KNOW but she takes the pieces of my life and tells me i'm doing it wrong, and tries to rearrange them and shove them back to me and it just hurts more because i know when i don't change (because i never change. i never have. i have developed, i have grown somewhat, but i have not truly changed and i doubt i ever really will) she will hate me like i hate myself for knowing the answer but not actually writing it down, finding the solution but never applying it to the problem because i LIKE the problem and i LIKE the pain but the last time i told a therapist that i almost got hospitalized and had a huge panic attack and i'm not letting that happen ever again the hospital terrifies me and things that scare me do not help me they just make it worse why don't people trust that i know what is good and bad for myself? i do know what is good for myself and what is bad for myself. i have lived in this body fourteen years, i have some inkling of how it works.
anyways, adding to this mountain of fuck-ups i've committed, i was texting back and forth with my gf on saturday and then i complimented her and she said stop but i sent another anyways (because i'm fucking STUPID) and then she said please please stop just don't please don't and i apologized but i still feel awful i'm not supposed to make her feel bad i should feel bad she doesn't deserve bad i deserve bad
anyway i'm done ok sorry for ranting i just needed to get this out of my emotional capacity

if your therapist is making you uncomfortable, maybe you should tell him/her/them that it's making you uncomfortable??? easier said than done, i'm sorry :C

you're not fucking stupid, you're really not, you don't deserve bad.
ily and as i said i'm terrible with words
but seriously
you deserve so much more than this horrible depression that you have
you really do and i wish i could make you feel better

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 521606)

thanks but im not rad. but thanks.
idk if i can find another hobby though because writing and singing these things are my life
maaaybe im just hard on myself but it's doubtful
thanks though

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 521611)

you're not spamming, it's okay
you're not useless, but i'm useless with words
ily and you're not alone okay

if your therapist is making you uncomfortable, maybe you should tell him/her/them that it's making you uncomfortable??? easier said than done, i'm sorry :C

you're not fucking stupid, you're really not, you don't deserve bad.
ily and as i said i'm terrible with words
but seriously
you deserve so much more than this horrible depression that you have
you really do and i wish i could make you feel better

idk i feel like im spamming
nuuu you're not useless with words
and thanks c:

my dad and i got into a really big fight
and i asked him to stop talking and he didn't
i was so angry and hurt that i finally worked up the courage to tell him that i might have depression, because i thought it might get him to shut up.
it didn't.
instead, he told me to get over it
he accused me of trying to emotionally manipulate him by crying
he kept fucking yelling when i was sobbing but trying not to because it makes me feel weak
so i told him to stop being a bastard because i'd had enough of his defensive shit.
now i'm grounded and he expects an apology and i don't want to fucking talk to him because he makes me feel like hell has come up to swallow me.
and i told my mom to tell him that i would apologize for calling him a bastard when he apologizes for acting like one
and i haven't cried this much in two years but i doubt he gives a shit
i just don't know anymore

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lena (Post 521803)

Lenakins no no no (*hugs*) Imma email you okay?

@Lena: okay, I understand. Just... Hang in there, okay? And email me when you can, understand? (*hugs*) shh you're going to be alright I know life sucks
But we all pull through.

Okay, so...I may or may not be taking a break from the entire Internet for a few weeks. If I do, I'll be sure to post something about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lena (Post 521803)

Lena... I'm so sorry. It's good you worked up the courage to tell him.

To be honest, that's exactly how I would respond. What does your mum/mom think?
I hope you're okay, even though obviously you're not.
*sends hugs*