The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

strawberry 08-24-2016 09:18 PM

lol my mom found out i self harmed
at first she seems chill enough and i was like okay maybe this will pass and we can all move on but then she said went on about moving back to india and yelling at me that i have no brain and i bring everything upon myself and just venting out all her frustrations on me like lolol a++++++++ parenting mom, this'll totally help, why do you think i never tell you anything in the first place
now she's taking away my internet on weekdays it's like she wants me to kms

Graystorm 08-24-2016 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 589158)
Hey listen there's absolutely no reason to feel bad for telling us this, okay? <3
Also, please try and stop cutting. I know that sounds like a terrible way to say this, but I really can't think of another way to. It WILL get better, please try and believe this, even if it seems impossible. Also, please don't think I'm judging you in any way for saying this, I'm really not. I just want you to be healthy and happy and feel good about yourself, and sometimes old cuts can make people want to cut again. Also, please try and keep an open mind on counseling, maybe it will actually help, and if it doesn't, please don't worry about it. Meds are necessary for some people and that's perfectly fine. Maybe meds will help more than anything else ever could to make you better. <3
If you ever want to talk to me through email, go ahead. <3 I won't judge you, promise.

Thanks, Swallow, I really appreciate it. I don't know if it's a thing I can stop. . . I've been trying, but I haven't cut in around a week. . . So I guess that's good, idk, the urge to cut comes on so suddenly. I only do it for the blood, really. It just makes me feel better about all the crap going on in my life.

Graystorm 08-24-2016 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alaska (Post 589184)
i dont mean this in a way that suggests that what you are feeling isnt important, but anxiety and depression are probably the most common mental disorders in teenagers. meaning 1) you are most definitely not alone and 2) your average shrink will know what they are doing. i used to have a psychologist and a psychiatrist and the only thing they managed to solve for me was my anxiety, but mental health is very individual as you may know already. shrinks are also individual, so if one doesn't work out for you, dont think that they will all be as bad.
another thing i wanted to tell you is that getting over bad mental health is not a fast process. you probably know this and are sick of hearing 'it gets better', but i used to be in a pretty similar situation to you. i was very pessimistic and also harming myself. i was sick of anticipating a better future and wanted an instant cure. that was a year ago now, maybe more. im definitely not cured, im far from it, but by living with something that so deeply makes you aware of how your mind is working, you learn about yourself so much faster. all you have to do is accept support, try kinds of help that are available to you, tell people that are worried about you the lowdown, and continue getting up in the morning. dont surround yourself with your mental health but accept it nonetheless (depression blogs are a no no) and appreciate the world you live in. your life isn't truly crappy. mental illness is both a blessing and a curse, because by the end of it you have learnt so much about yourself and your surroundings. also, VERY IMPORTANT, please dont go on the internet most of the time. i dont know if you do, but i miss my pre internet brain. the internet is partially wonderful and enlightening but too much electronic usage, especially at night, is just really bad for you. i have majorly fucked up my brain by shortening my hours of sleep. lying in your bed in the dark is rest. sitting online for hours is not. also, dont give up exercise, i did and i regret it endlessly. exercise is vital for helping to lessen your anxiety and keeping you healthy.
ok that was long as shit but i mean every word. i hope you read it. as for self harm, i cant force you to do anything, but it will be there forever if you go too deep which you mentioned you didnt. in the long run it causes guilt which is not a fun thing to give yourself. perhaps find alternatives such as drawing on yourself, ice (although be careful with ice burns) or just keeping yourself busy some other way.

Thanks, but my mom hung herself, my life's pretty crappy. And I know it's probably nothing compared to what other people are going through. Also, I can't sleep. If I'm lucky I'll get around 5 hours of sleep a night. It sucks. Ugh, I don't mean to sound like a self absorbed brat. I really do appreciate what you wrote.

Graystorm 08-24-2016 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frostblaze (Post 589161)
hey, hey, it's okay. i'm glad you came to me about this. now, cutting - i've cut before. three times. not enough to draw blood, like you. but stormy, cutting is dangerous. first it's long scratches on your thighs, then it's blood dripping from your wrist and scars that won't leave. and you're hurting yourself, the beautiful, amazing, adorable, incredible, perfect person you are. no. it's not okay, but you can fix it. snap a rubber band on your wrist - that's what i do, and that's what tyler used to do. or hold an ice cube in your palm until it melts. both these hurt, but they don't cause any damage to your body, which cutting will most definitely do. as far as your mental illnesses go...i'm sorry. i wish there was something i could do to take them away. but i firmly believe you're strong enough to kick them in the butt. i believe you have the power to not let them bring you down. and stormy...in order to get help, you have to try things that have the slimmest of chances of working. because you never know. maybe give counselling a try - more than one tries, in fact. see if you can get used to talking to strangers. i'll pray for you, and please know that i'm always here in case you need to talk. i love you, and please, please don't pick up a razor or anything like that tonight. you can do this.

Madie, you have no idea how much you mean to me. First of all, I like the fact that cutting leaves scars. If there weren't scars, there wouldn't be consequences. The scars make each cut mean something. And I'm not strong. I'm not strong at all. I feel so insignificant and everything hurts. It hurts to try to fall asleep, it hurts to wake up after five or six hours of sleep. It hurts to get out of bed. It hurts to eat, to think, to talk. It HURTS TO SEE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH STUFF LIKE IM GOING THROUGH. no one should have to feel like I do. It hurts me more to know that you cut then when I cut myself. I don't know what that means, but I care so much about you Madie. So dang much.

Swallowtail 08-24-2016 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 589213)
Thanks, but my mom hung herself, my life's pretty crappy. And I know it's probably nothing compared to what other people are going through. Also, I can't sleep. If I'm lucky I'll get around 5 hours of sleep a night. It sucks. Ugh, I don't mean to sound like a self absorbed brat. I really do appreciate what you wrote.

Hey that sounds really rough and I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that. You are in no way a self absorbed brat for reaching out for some help. Also, I'm super proud of you for trying not to cut. Drawing helps a lot with things like that, then you can even cover the drawings up with band aids so you have to wait a bit until you cut. Also, sleeping pills can be super helpful, and so can be making your room as dark as possible and not allowing electronics in. I don't mean to be condescending if you're already doing these, but of you're not, please try. Also, sewing a satchel of lavender or chamomile into your pillow can help a lot. <3

Graystorm 08-24-2016 10:47 PM

To everyone who has responded to my message. Thank you. Thank you to the bottom of my heart. I love all of you so much and appreciate you guys taking the time to write what you have. Thank you.

AlgebraAddict 08-25-2016 12:22 AM

tw
 
meds decrease is a bitch
but tbh i am way too proud to admit i feel like shit most of the time now and school's starting so i know for a fact im' probably gon get in a fucked up cycle of binging and restricting food and also self harm. which sucks. but i know it's true so

i hate saying this i hate saying this i hate saying this because i always try to be strong for other people but i want to cut so badly all the time and i just try to ignore it but the feeling is getting stronger and i just want to take a blade to my wrist and give up everything i've worked for to be clean from self harm for months and months on end. but honestly what's any of that worth anyway? i know i'm stupid and needy as hell but i hate it when people assume i'm fine and i also hate it when people think something's wrong (regardless of whether or not they're right) so yeah bye i hate saying this i hate saying this i hate saying this

Frostblaze 08-25-2016 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 589216)
Madie, you have no idea how much you mean to me. First of all, I like the fact that cutting leaves scars. If there weren't scars, there wouldn't be consequences. The scars make each cut mean something. And I'm not strong. I'm not strong at all. I feel so insignificant and everything hurts. It hurts to try to fall asleep, it hurts to wake up after five or six hours of sleep. It hurts to get out of bed. It hurts to eat, to think, to talk. It HURTS TO SEE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH STUFF LIKE IM GOING THROUGH. no one should have to feel like I do. It hurts me more to know that you cut then when I cut myself. I don't know what that means, but I care so much about you Madie. So dang much.

you have to let yourself get help. you have to try. for yourself, for me. now - you feel you need to punish yourself, is what i'm getting. punish yourself by not cutting. stormy, this is crucial. like you said, it hurts even worse to know you did it once than me doing it a thousand times. let's do this - let's make a promise to not cut ourselves, for each other. does that sound okay? i've been trying so damned hard to find someone to not cut for, and it might be you. stormy, i need you to help me stop cutting. i need you in my life to help me get through this. i feel like only you can do this. maybe that's why you're in my life. darling, you've got enough pain in your life. you don't need to create anymore for yourself. who said it - andy biersack? life gives you enough scars. you don't need to manufacture your own. and you do not sound self-absorbed. i can totally understand how you want someone to talk to. and you can come to us any time.

someday you will be okay. you'll look back on this, and you'll shudder, but you will know that you got through it. you can do this. it's okay to ask for help and to lean on people. you are not insignificant. you mean the world to me and so many other people. if i lost you...do you have any idea how sad and miserable i would be? how everyone would be?

Alaska 08-25-2016 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graystorm (Post 589213)
Thanks, but my mom hung herself, my life's pretty crappy. And I know it's probably nothing compared to what other people are going through. Also, I can't sleep. If I'm lucky I'll get around 5 hours of sleep a night. It sucks. Ugh, I don't mean to sound like a self absorbed brat. I really do appreciate what you wrote.

oh im really sorry, i didnt know that. i dont think you're a brat, and your emotions are totally relevant. i really trust in your progress despite the shit thats happened/happening. i hope youre doing ok

Codename-X12 08-25-2016 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverMoon (Post 589209)
lol I have a bit of experience w this kind of situation. do you think she likes u too? also is ur aim to continue being friends with her or to ask her out?
TBH I'm kind of interested in this

It's more for the friendship thing. i'm pretty sure she does cuz some of my friends and her friends think she likes me.


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