The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

soph-soph27 09-18-2012 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 341623)
Finally, someone who gets it.

Personally, I think everyone's misinterpreting this but ME. I'm not depressed. I don't need cheering up. This is what is f---ing cheering me up. I'm not reminiscing, I'm not even remotely sad when I think about this. I think about these things with certainty that all will be well in the end (Harry Potter or not), because nothing that I know will be in the end. So I think ME gets it. But I'm not sure about the rest of y'all.


I'm not trying to say you were depressed, though my post may have implied it. But eliminate all that happy and feelings crap from my first post, and really look at it. Really read it. Try to understand.

meerkat 09-18-2012 09:08 PM

Is it normal to always want to end your life? I've tried to kill myself countless times already and my parents are going to send me to the scariest psychologist ever if this continues but i seriously hate myself and you don't have to read this if you don't want to because i'm just another insignificant blob.

soph-soph27 09-18-2012 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meerkat (Post 341639)
Is it normal to always want to end your life? I've tried to kill myself countless times already and my parents are going to send me to the scariest psychologist ever if this continues but i seriously hate myself and you don't have to read this if you don't want to because i'm just another insignificant blob.

You shouldn't feel that way, but if you do I won't try to tell you any crap. Okay. I'm going to break that promise... now. You are not insignificant, nor a blob, and never ever ever think that ending your life would help, because it won't and in the end all that would happen is huge waves of hurt, drowning family, friends, and bubble rising to surface of the calmed wave, popping, and leaving messages. Don't hate yourself. You are an amazing person, if you were supposed to end your life you wouldn't have been stopped. I don't believe in pre-destination, but I do think that ending your life early is too uncertain. You have no idea what could happen, what the ending is, but Meerkat, there is NO way that this is your ending. Write yourself an ending, and if you can't finish it, dream up a sequel from the cliffhanger. This is YOU.

HeatherB 09-18-2012 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meerkat (Post 341639)
Is it normal to always want to end your life? I've tried to kill myself countless times already and my parents are going to send me to the scariest psychologist ever if this continues but i seriously hate myself and you don't have to read this if you don't want to because i'm just another insignificant blob.

Meerkat, I've wanted to do that so many times and couldn't because I'm a stupid effing coward. And this is truly the one time I will support cowardice. Try to make something good come out of this feeling, okay? Once you're over it, I mean. Because you will get over it, you'll realize that you're strong, and beautiful, and amazing, and god I wish I hadn't posted anything about insignificantness (that's not a word, whatever) on this because now people who are depressed are gonna look back and read that and be all "Well now it doesn't matter, I'll just go ahead and kill myself, screw this, screw everything" but that's not what I meant by that. But whatever. The point is, you've got to learn to accept yourself. That's basically what I had to do to get over my depression. I was thisclose to being gone, and I literally threw myself back over the lip of suicide, and it was pretty much just in time. I couldn't've mustered the courage (I'm a coward, I know, I've accepted that part of myself, too) to do anything worse than bruise myself over and over, and only in places where no one could see. It's a sickening feeling, depression, but you've got to believe me that it will get better and you will learn to live with yourself. I think sometimes we don't think anyone could ever love us because we know ourselves, every inch and fault and line of our lives, and we don't think anyone could ever love us because we know our every imperfection. But we've got to embrace our imperfections along with everything, because mistakes and idiocy are parts of us and it's only human and it's all right. Don't let it get you down, Meerkat. You're as imperfect as the rest of us, but that's okay because we're here to be imperfect with you. :)

HeatherB 09-18-2012 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 341636)
I'm not trying to say you were depressed, though my post may have implied it. But eliminate all that happy and feelings crap from my first post, and really look at it. Really read it. Try to understand.

Your post definitely implied it, sorry. And I do understand.

soph-soph27 09-18-2012 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 341647)
Your post definitely implied it, sorry. And I do understand.

Okay. Okay.

HeatherB 09-18-2012 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 341650)
Okay. Okay.

'Sall right.

So I heard you wanted to vent...

soph-soph27 09-18-2012 09:55 PM

You know, I was cleaning up my room, cause my mom asked me too, and suddenly I look up at the ceiling and I think what a few kids must've thought during their toddler years: Huh, I wonder why the ceiling isn't slanted like the roof? And when I remembered that I knew why, I started crying, and laughing hysterically. I stopped crying altogether and was just laughing hysterically, gasping for breath and I realized what was to me. Death. I found death terribly awfully, disgustingly hilarious. I wonder how many people died while shingling a house? I wonder how many deaths there are because of an age old tradition. I wonder what death feels like. It's so funny. And you know what? Now I don't care anymore. I don't want to be in eighth grade, I don't want to have to deal with ANYTHING I don't want to have to be nice and polite, I don't want compliments, I don't CARE about ANYTHING anymore, except for this tugging in my stomach whispering Sophia, you do care you care a lot. But I don't and the pain I inflict on myself, the bruises that are getting increasingly closer to creeping past my sleeve line, the pride that mind carries, it's all mushed and squished like some dead ant. And my brain is sort of trying to murder me, jeering, What's next? Oh, is the little baby Sophia going to hurt herself? Ohhh too bad. And I really have these moments when someone looks at me and I don't want to be seen as anything.

sigfig 09-18-2012 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soph-soph27 (Post 341661)
You know, I was cleaning up my room, cause my mom asked me too, and suddenly I look up at the ceiling and I think what a few kids must've thought during their toddler years: Huh, I wonder why the ceiling isn't slanted like the roof? And when I remembered that I knew why, I started crying, and laughing hysterically. I stopped crying altogether and was just laughing hysterically, gasping for breath and I realized what was to me. Death. I found death terribly awfully, disgustingly hilarious. I wonder how many people died while shingling a house? I wonder how many deaths there are because of an age old tradition. I wonder what death feels like. It's so funny. And you know what? Now I don't care anymore. I don't want to be in eighth grade, I don't want to have to deal with ANYTHING I don't want to have to be nice and polite, I don't want compliments, I don't CARE about ANYTHING anymore, except for this tugging in my stomach whispering Sophia, you do care you care a lot. But I don't and the pain I inflict on myself, the bruises that are getting increasingly closer to creeping past my sleeve line, the pride that mind carries, it's all mushed and squished like some dead ant. And my brain is sort of trying to murder me, jeering, What's next? Oh, is the little baby Sophia going to hurt herself? Ohhh too bad. And I really have these moments when someone looks at me and I don't want to be seen as anything.

Been there, done that. I mean, not quite - it had nothing to do with shingles - but close enough.

What exactly don't you care about? What do you have to live for, or if there is nothing, then what did you used to have that you now lost?

Are you thinking about death? Then realize this: it comes but once, and that, at least scientifically, you only live once. Why would you waste your time on earth, your life which could end at any moment, hurting yourself?

CACrools 09-18-2012 10:31 PM

That sad moment when you've had one of the better days in a while, and then you come to the EV thread to try and help someone else feel better, but you end up feeling worse about what you think are your problems. Anyways... Does anyone else wonder how their life would be without KP? I think by going on KP every day, I've made something to look forward to, something to be excited about. And I've also matured in the past, what is is, 5 months that I've been a member. This is like the only site I'm on, and I've noticed almost everything is attached to KP, my writing, my computer habits, sometimes even my dreams. It's almost hard to remember being without KP, and I'm still one of the newer people!


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