I hardly pay attention in class (when i was in class) but, as a homeschooler, you have to read to yourself, so it falls on me if i don't pay attention to myself. Eh, it helps, I suppose... its hard to listen in class when one's mind is focusing on awesome new stories and poems to write, instead of algebraic equations of x^2+b*x+c

Tired
 

My dad... thinks he failed me because I don't believe in God, not the way he does. Thinks I'm lost in a cloud of ignorance. That atheists tend to be stupid.

Then HE's ignorant.

A friend of mine who's an atheist is so rude about religion behind my back! It's annoying, because I know he respects me, and he's less full-on in his rudeness too my face, but he wrote a lot of rude answers in response to some religious questions on some sheets everyone was working on, and I saw him googling 'why are christians so annoying?'. I've told myself this is his last chance, and if he does anything like that again, I'll ask him as politely as I can to stop it - or I'll quite possibly kill him :D

I don't know anymore...
 

I just don't know anymore... I'm not sure about anything anymore. I'm not sure if my writing is good, if my parents are just saying it is 'cause they're my family, I'm not sure if my friends are actually my friends considering I tend to be left out a lot... It's just, I don't know. Half the people I thought were my friends ended up abandoning me, and me being the anti-social and self-conscious person I am, am unable to find new friends since I'm constantly worrying about what they might think of me.
Never am I able to get away from my guilt. Guilt at what? At the mistakes I've made, at the judgments people must make when they see me. The errors, the mistakes, they must be thinking about how much of an idiot I am, how clumsy and messed up I am. It drives me crazy. And sometimes, randomly, when I'm not even /doing/ anything worth feeling guilty over, I have an overwhelming sense of guilt and just feel like I can't take it anymore and just don't want to live.
I just don't know...
I don't talk in school, I don't even post any of my stories on here 'cause I'm worried about what people will think.
Which means I can't open up to anyone without me thinking they're thinking 'bout how pathetic I am.
Yep, I'm pathetic, worthless, and all those other adjectives people usually use to describe incompetent people.
But that's the way I am, and there's no escaping from it.

Runes, you are greater than the machine. I know you are.

(The machine is the sense of self victimizing to the point where you feel like you can't get out. The machine seems to have a tight grip of you. Feeling bad all the time is not healthy, at all.)

Oh, and don't say I don't know you. Anyone who goes past the shallow dreams of fame and fortune to true art is a strong person in my eyes. If you want to get better at writing, write. Thats the only way. And even if your words suck, a true author would be strong enough to keep trying until your vision falls into place. Anyone could be a true author.

Before Friday, skating, playing my violin, going outside, ect. was always a way to make myself feel better about myself and just give me time to think.
Now everything hurts too much. I feel like my heart weighs a thousand pounds in my chest and doesn't want to go on.
But I've discovered that if I don't think about my life, it doesn't hurt.
Writing is legitly my whole life now.

To be honest, I'm not sure you can ask him to stop. I mean, he's not offending you directly, you said yourself that he's respectful to you... And really, atheists get a lot of crap from Christians.

I hate when my dad controls all my projects!! I know that me wants me to get in, but I want it to be my work! Not his! I'm doing a poster that explains why I should be in yearbook class next year. Apparently my ideas were unprofessional and my title that said My Submission for Yearbook 2012-2013 was redundant and tacky. Every time I said I didn't like my dad's idea to do bullet points in b&w he got louder and louder until finally I asked "anything else you'd like to add?" then we lost it and started yelling at each other.