Originally Posted by TheAshWolf
(Post 441489)
Oh my gosh, this came out SO LONG... o__O
But, hey, several people on here are having this same problem, so...I guess this is enough to feed all of you guys. XD
Here goes nothing.
Let me tell you something about getting the grades you want, Arin. Let me tell you a story.
I knew a girl, once, who always had a perfectionist outlook, like you and your father. But it wasn't given to her, like how your father gave you the outlook by expecting only perfection. In fact, her father was the exact opposite--he always told her, since she was in Kindergarten, "Get the grade you want to get. As long as you pass, that's enough for me." Nevertheless, she knew it would make him happier and he'd be more proud of her if she got an A+ on every test and in every subject. Besides, she felt better about herself when she got A+'s all the time. So she drove herself as hard as she could every day at school for years.
She quickly went from feeling great if she just got any kind of an A, to the point where nothing less than an A+ would do. She’d beat herself up emotionally every time she got a test back with anything less than a 97% on it. When that stress was coupled with all the kids picking on her and shunning her (for the same reasons you get picked on and more, Arin), and also the weight of several large devastating problems at home, her grades started to get pulled down against her will. She couldn't think. She couldn't focus. She was too upset and worried all the time to pay attention and give the right answers. When she started getting B's, she felt even worse about herself. Then she eventually just broke down.
Her dad told her to stop worrying about her grades so much, since it was the easiest thing to fix. So, slowly but surely, she took on a new attitude about her grades--the attitude he wanted her to have all along. If you pass, then it suffices. For a while, her grades hovered around A-’s, and A’s. She told me it killed her inside to see those grades, but she kept telling herself that it's just as good as an A+, because that means she still passes, she still knows what she needs to know, and she still gets to move on to the next grade. Then, once she got comfortable with that, and she stopped worrying about her grades all the time, something unexpected happened.
She started getting A+'s again. First they were just here and there on quizzes, but then she started getting all her major projects back. Narrative essay? A+. Book report? A+. History report? A+. Science project? A+. She even got an A+ in Math, somehow, which was the hardest subject for her. I asked her how she was suddenly getting the grades she wanted, and for a long time, she didn’t know how to answer me. Then, one day, after finals testing, she realized it was because she stopped letting worry and anxiety distract her.
You see, Arin, if you tell yourself a test doesn’t matter as long as you pass, and you believe it, it becomes easy to give the right answers. Learning and remembering becomes quicker and is less stressful.
She didn’t keep up the A+’s forever, of course. No one’s perfect. She got several A’s and a couple A-’s every now and again. But she learned to not care about that tiny sign after the letter grade.
An A is an A.
An A+ is an A.
An A- is an A.
And an A means you pass. So does a B. And so does a C.
As long as her report cards didn’t say D or F, things were perfectly fine. She never did get a C, though…because she still worked hard. She just didn’t worry. The key is not to worry, Arin.
I know it’s difficult to change your outlook. It took me a long, long time to learn from her story. I’m a perfectionist, too. And once a perfectionist, always a perfectionist. She had times when she slipped into her old thinking, and so did I. I still have those moments, actually. But it was possible for her to overcome it, it was possible for me to overcome it, and it’s possible for you, too. <:^J You just have to try.
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