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Sorry. I was at a pool party (how suprisingly fitting for this?) so I haven't seen these till now. But thank GOODNESS. :D Told you it would blow over. So many people love you, Pokes, more than you even know. I bet a bunch guests are reading this, too, and wondering why such an epic girl would even think this. xD *hugs again* Just totally glad you're all right. :) |
Yeah, good thing. I was just about to start a Pokey Support thread. XD
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You seem to be having a misconception of your worth. I can guarantee you that in the state you're in right now, you most likely see no worth in yourself, or your life, and with this "suicide jar" thing, you probably feel like you're hanging on the edge between the beginning and the ending. You may not see what I see--a priceless human being who deserves every right in the world, who is intelligent and talented with a future ahead of her--and you may not see it for a long time. I had to wait a good three years until my hormone depression let up. But when it does, you will know that your life, the life that has barely even begun yet, is worth far more than fifty beads, and deserves far more than fifty chances. ... (*this really snapped me out of my romantiscising with suicide*) But how would you go about doing it anyway? Human beings are suprisingly durable. I talked to a girl on omegle who had just taken three handfulls of random pills trying to kill herself and was asking me to help her. Her heart beat was out of control, her muscles were shaking, and it felt like a hole was being torn through her abdomen. I identified the pills as Celebrex, an arthritis treatment that had cardiovascular and gastrointestinal side effects that caused heartbeat abnormalities and, if taken in large doses, could cause holes in the intestines. She was going to live. With a hole in her stomach. Also, I highly, HIGHLY recommend you read this: http://www.cracked.com/article_15658...ide-guide.html I read it at like three in the morning, haunted, and when I finished I was smiling and laughing. |
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NEVERMIND.
Dont tell me. |
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Email me, please! I hate it when others are sad D: *hugs Pokey* EDIT: If you ever feel depressed, email us. Don't bother with the jar again. Stay optimistic. If you saw my friend go "SPARKLES!', you'd probably crack up laughing. And, go to Sandy's link. The writer is awesome. |
I'm sorry to do this to you guys, I just need to get this out :3
I don’t really know how to start this. Maybe because I’m paranoid my parent’s will stumble upon this and…I don’t know. They didn’t want me to say my “woes” at church, so what would they do if they found out I was telling my feelings to a bunch of kids I’ve never met? Well, you guys are more than that. You can go from a friend, to a therapist, in the blink of an eye. I think I know how to start this now…
As I’m sure you know, Majors and Minors auditions are coming up in 19 days. I was so excited when Mom told me I could try out. I was about to cry from excitement. Now I’m about to cry from…everything that has happened. I mean, I’m just some “fat” country girl with gappy teeth and a dream I know I’ll never have. And that tears. me. apart. There is nothing else I want to do besides singing for a living, writing on the side, and…just the doubt is eating me alive. There’s gonna be a lot more prettier, skinnier people auditioning, and no one wants an ugly duckling on their show. *sighs* Now for the main thing. My self-esteem has probably been completely ruined. Of course there were always the occasional “thigh” jokes from the guys at school, but I shrugged them off. But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. This was so completely different. Because instead of a bunch of immature guys at school, this was my parents. It all started on Sunday. I wore my Mom’s t-shirt to church because it was prettier than my UK shirt, so I tied it back. I bent down to tie my shoes, and I guess my shirt rode up, because Mom told me to stand up and turn around. She told me those jeans were way too tight, only they felt fine to me. I thought she was kidding, so I said, “Is that a fat joke?” And she said, “Yeah, it is. And I’m not buying you more jeans if you have to get a bigger size. I’m going to Wal-Mart to get some fruit because you’re going on a diet.” That completely broke me. It was right before we left for church, too, and I was trying so hard not to burst into tears. I thought I was average. My BMI was average, and I was happy. My parents think all I do all day is eat on the couch, and KidPub, but I play Just Dance, I exercise, and I practice for Majors and Minors. They don’t get it, and they don’t even try to. I really want to talk to them about it, but all I get is “It’s for your own good.” and “We care about you.” PARENTS DON’T ALWAYS KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR THEIR KIDS!!! So now I’m being forced on a diet, even though I’m average weight, height, everything. I feel…broken. And empty. And sad. And depressed. And angry. And confused. Not the slightest bit happy, like I should be. I’M SO TIRED OF PUTTING ON A HAPPY FACE AND BOTTLING UP MY FEELINGS. I FEEL LIKE I’M ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS. And I went over to Haley’s house last night, and as soon as I got into the car, my Dad started talking about carbs. -_- I’m just…tired. I’m happy in my own skin, and I don’t see why my parents just can’t be happy for me. I’m always active, so…yeah. I don’t think I’m gonna gain a million pounds and be on one of those “Half-Ton Teen” TV shows. Everytime I accomplish something, my parents always want more from me, and I just..can’t. I’m so close to my breaking point…I can’t be PERFECT. Ohmigosh there is no way on Earth I CAN EVER BE PERFECT, SO WHY ISN’T PLAIN OLE’ CALEGH GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY ANYMORE?!?! I’m going completely insane…sobbing in the shower, doing ten minutes of yoga just to calm down after I sob in the shower, etc. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!! |
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