no nothing triggered this. although i was feeilng better, a lil bit ago, till i realized oops i fucked shit up again haha
yeah i have been

nah but like a brand new box cutter blade sooo
haha literally i am about to dig a blade out of something so i can cut

no bc sam feels bad rn and who the fck is awake rn

You didn't mess anything up, Isaac! Everything's okay.
And good. I'm very very glad you are. Please keep it up!

Please don't hurt yourself, buddy! (*bear hugs*) You don't need to do that. Please, I know it's hard. But you'll be happy with yourself for not doing it, later.

Isaac, you're totally worth being woken up for. <3 Please, find someone to talk to in the morning. I'm sorry Sam's feeling bad, too. D: But, I'm sure she wouldn't want you to cut, either.

If you do end up relapsing, though, remember that it doesn't mean you have to give up entirely, okay? :> You can and will have the strength to move on and continue to fight the urge. You're doing fantastic so far, so, don't beat yourself up mentally (or physically) if you relapse.

I really hope you feel better soon, buddy!! ;_; You'll pull out of this eventually, I know, but, I hope it's sooner rather than later.

i'm just really sad and jealous and anxious a lot
and wanting to do more but knowing how much it could drain me and wanting to stop being so clingy and annoying and wallowing in my own misery
idk summer messes me up (even though i was worse during the school year)

I'm just in those 'oh look. I tell someone I like them and they dump me' moods. I don't know what to do...

emotionally tired

i had an ocular migraine earlier and i threw up and now i have a headache migraine. is this what a handover is like if so im never getting drunk

haha yeah i did relapse last night oops
oh well


today i was feeling bad too but then???
did someone slip cocaine in my kickstart bc i got in a crazy ass mood
i was gonna just drive out into the country (after i bought a carton of eggs (which i actually did)), throw some eggs into corn fields, stand on top of my car and look at the stars and scream "FUCK!!" as loudly as i could
(then i hung out w sam and austin instead but we still threw eggs)
like what the fuck was i high it was really weird and i could still feel the badness below the surface
but i feel ok rn

Well, I'm sorry that you relapsed. But, don't feel too bad about it, okay? <:^) It's not realistic to expect yourself to be perfect and never ever relapse. You can get back on track. I know you can! (*hugs*)

Heyyy, regardless of what triggered it, I'm sooo glad you're feeling better and got to spend time with your friends!!! :D I hope the ok feeling sticks around for a while.

I just got a call from the college I'm planning on going to and the guy prayed for me. TTuTT I don't even know his name or why exactly he called but THERE IS HOPE FOR CHRISTIANITY! I'm serious, it was beautiful

i'm such an awful person i hate it when people want to interact with me but i'm just so tired and i can't do it i can't put up with having to converse with people and i feel so bad about it but i'd just make them hate me and it's this terrible cycle and it sucks