Meera please don't. Last night I was too. Remember that we all love you and that for all the bad things in the world you don't deserve any of uh em, you can rise above all the shit that's given to you, you can survive and you will. You'll grow into a wonderful adult knowing that you've accomplished the greatest task: staying here.

Eli helped me (without knowing it) because we were talking about being connected to EVERYTHING. Literally everything, it was so calming. Think about the stars and how humans are made of stardust and stars and space and how the plants outside are so beautiful and letting you live. I don't want you to let those plants down, the plants will get sad ):

But really. I'll be sad. We all will be, we will all mourn your loss and it won't be the same without you here and I don't think I can deal with losing anyone at this point. Especially someone who is part of my online family, I don't think I can do it, I don't think any of us can do it.

You should go for a swim, if you have a swimming pool. Doesn't matter if it's day or night you should, I hate swimming but I find it relaxing. You don't need to beat your time or whatever swimmers do these days, you don't need to go as fast as you can. You can just float and think and close your eyes.

You can do this, Meera.

This was a few months ago, but I'm still really angry about this.
My friend came to my house, and ate with us.
I had this habit of sticking my chopsticks into my food, and she got really upset and angry.
"Don't do that. It means you're going to die." She took away my chopsticks and actually tried to show me how to use them "properly".
I'm not superstitious, so I just shrugged and ignored her and continued with my habit.
She kept getting really mad, like she was the one in control over my life and could change my lifestyle at my house.

i can't swim now, my parents think i might try to drown myself. plus, the public pool is really gross and there's never any space to swim.
thank you for taking the time to talk me out of it :) my sister just yelled at me to frick off and stop acting bitchy (not her exact words, she's such a good little angel that she never swears like her asshole of a sister) and my parents don't even know any of this happened and i can't tell them or they'll send me to see a psychologist, which i've always been scared of. i know i'm supposed to love them but i simply can't.

i'm sure you're tired of hearing this, but i promise it absolutely does get better
it may take a while.
for me, it took three years.
but here i am, the most mentally stable i've been. i've not drawn a butterfly in over a month.
why don't you make a promise to yourself - make a promise to us?
promise that within this year, you're going to get better. do whatever you have to to feel more confident, whether that be working hard as hell on your art skills or taking time every day to look in the mirror and point out three good things about yourself or whatever you need. tell your friends to fuck off, and maybe you'll be alone for a bit, but it's better than being abused.
about your parents, maybe try to talk to them. tell them that they make you feel bad about yourself and ask politely if they could stop that. they might retaliate badly - mine always do - but at least they know how you feel.
(*hugs*) stay safe dear.

what happened?
if it's too private to post, you can just email me

(*seconds*)

(*group KP hug*)

idk i feel like i really shouldn't post or email about this it's very serious and scary but thank you both for being willing to listen

I have a psychologist.
Its really not that bad, Meera. My psychologist is really understanding about things and specializes in kids with autism (I have Asperger's btw). Maybe you could find one that is trained to help with depressive things.
Also, your parents. My mom kind of pisses me off, too. (Right now I REALLY need to see a doctor and she thinks we're wasting everyone's time.) But if they didn't care about you, they would have tossed you out on the streets a long time ago.
We love you, Meera. Please hang in there! :)