Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 444563)

i feel like death

i don't mean i feel like dying i mean i have been up since 1am and it is now 6

and you know what i do when i can't sleep? i watch youtube

bad.

idea.

Originally Posted by CACrools (Post 444587)

Okay, so I have a friend, let's call him Travis. Travis and I both liked each other a year ago, and then I kinda stopped liking him... Then he moved far away (other side of the planet). We still talk every now and then, and are Facebook friends. But I think he's changed and he, as far as I know, still has a crush on me. I really am getting tired of what I feel is neediness, and whenever he tries to talk to me, I start talking to him, and then I say I have to go, and turn off chat. And it's not helping that he's getting bullied, and I'm one of his only friends.
How should I advance forward in my friendship with him?

Originally Posted by Confuzzled (Post 444620)

Oooh.. that's a toughy. What is he doing that is bothering you? Maybe you talk to him about it?? I don't know. Hmm.. let me ponder...

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 444447)

confused
and angry
and sad
and guilty
and upset
and i still blame myself
even though this happened two years ago
and if i had to pinpoint where my depression really began, it's probably this event that started it all

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 444450)

I honestly do daydream of the day we sit outside on the sidewalk, sweating from the concert we just went to. Our friends have left us and we'll laugh a bit. Drunk from the moshing, the adrenaline, the energy, the music. But through the laughter and the energy, there's one thing on my mind. There'll be a heavy silence and I'll start out with the phrase, "You know, summer of 2011 is where it all started." You'll say, "What started?" And maybe I'll inhale and exhale and try to compose my thoughts and think how the fuck do I say this. And I'll start with the night it began, and you'll be the first to know. By the time the story's finished, I'll be crying and feeling more fucked up than ever but relieved that a bit of that weight is off of me. After that, we'll laugh a bit more, and then you'll give me some advice like you always have.
And honestly, you are the only person I can imagine sharing my story with.
But I haven't met you yet and I can't tell you yet because it's too risky.
But I also know things will never go like that, and I have no idea if this will destroy me before I will be old enough to meet you and tell you.

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 444483)

But back to this because more thoughts...
This is how it'd go in my mind. I can't imagine any other way.
But in reality, I know it'd be nothing like that. If I were to even tell you, you'd probably never look at me the same way again. You'd probably hate me. Not because you're an awful person, no, you're the most amazing person I've talked to, it's just that I'm too awful.
Or I'd never get to meet you at all.
We'd lose connection in these few years.
That's the worst part, knowing I might lose you before we meet. Before I get to tell you what has shaped me to be who I am today, who I will be, who I always will be.
I can't imagine any other person finding out, and I'm terrified that I'm trusting you too much. I'm terrified that I need you too much.

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 444491)

It's 2:30 am and I probs dunno what I'm saying but woah I have to admit that there is something I really, really, really like about myself. It's the one thing I don't hate about myself.

I am growing up in a family, where I am taught that the only way to fix depression is by yelling at them, being beaten is okay, gays are disgusting, men are more worthy than women, rape is asked for by what you wear, and that I should stay silent and not defend my beliefs.
And I believed all those things for years.
But still, I have gone against those things that I've been taught by my parents and learned from the outside to open my eyes and be more accepting.
I grew up in this family and I am still growing up in this family, yet I'm so much different from my brother, I've learned a lot more. He views everything the same way my parents do, yet I've learned:
Depression is not going to be cured by yelling.
Being beaten is abuse and is not okay.
Gays, bisexuals, transgenders, etc. are normal.
Everyone is equal.
Rape is never asked for.
My body is mine to decorate however I like.
And I must speak up for what I believe in.
My parents call me idiotic for defending my beliefs, yet I do it anyway because someone has to stand up. I'm glad that I learned so much more, I'm glad I learned these things early enough.


idk why I'm feeling so good about this I just am.

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 444501)

This feeling has now faded.

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 444679)

okay so good news, i guess, for you guys anyways
I had a largeish lunch today. yayyyyy. i guess
and i felt something toward myself other than total self haaate



*hugs*


*kind of smiled in my mind about the first part, because that would be completely and totally awesome except you feeling bad*
Whether you're fucked up or not, that doesn't change the fact that you are a good person and you are really, really epik and we love you.
It won't destroy you. I won't let it.


I wouldn't hate you. I swear. No matter what it was, I'd still want to be your friend and I'd still love you. No matter what. You shouldn't say you're awful, because that's not true.
I know I can't guarantee anything, but believe me, I really really want to stay friends with you… you're one of my best friends. (and you're really awesome, too, obvs)
I'm sure it has helped to shape who you are, but it alone hasn't completely shaped you. And it doesn't have to shape you forever—no matter what it was, you can change.
If it's really troubling you and you need to tell someone… you can tell me. I swear I won't judge you or hate you. *hugs*


*can sort of relate* *generally thinks, for me, it doesn't matter that much, taking into account the rest of me*
YOU SHOULD LIKE THAT PART OF YOU
and the rest because you're awesome.


listen to our opinions yours is wrong:
you aRE AWESOME

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 444679)

okay so good news, i guess, for you guys anyways
I had a largeish lunch today. yayyyyy. i guess
and i felt something toward myself other than total self haaate



*hugs*


*kind of smiled in my mind about the first part, because that would be completely and totally awesome except you feeling bad*
Whether you're fucked up or not, that doesn't change the fact that you are a good person and you are really, really epik and we love you.
It won't destroy you. I won't let it.


I wouldn't hate you. I swear. No matter what it was, I'd still want to be your friend and I'd still love you. No matter what. You shouldn't say you're awful, because that's not true.
I know I can't guarantee anything, but believe me, I really really want to stay friends with you… you're one of my best friends. (and you're really awesome, too, obvs)
I'm sure it has helped to shape who you are, but it alone hasn't completely shaped you. And it doesn't have to shape you forever—no matter what it was, you can change.
If it's really troubling you and you need to tell someone… you can tell me. I swear I won't judge you or hate you. *hugs*


*can sort of relate* *generally thinks, for me, it doesn't matter that much, taking into account the rest of me*
YOU SHOULD LIKE THAT PART OF YOU
and the rest because you're awesome.


listen to our opinions yours is wrong:
you aRE AWESOME

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 444713)

Thanks, Isaac. (: I'd tell you now, I really would, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I'm just sort of wishing I was ready.
OKAY I LIKE THAT PART OF ME
*doesn't have the energy to argue because SLEEP*
*insert moar sentences that a non-sleep-deprived person would write*
thaaanks. ily. *hugs*