The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

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- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453786)

I just keep feeling so shitty. I find myself shaking and taking short breaths when I walk through school. I'm afraid that I'll have more nightmares again. I'm trying to stop cutting. I always say, "This will be the last time." And still I feel like it's not real. That because I've only been depressed for a few months that it's not true. Like I'm cutting to "fit in" with friends online.

But I know I'm not. Of course I'm not. It's just the same complex as any other self-hating mindset. So many people have just dismissed me when I open up. I'm not being vague, or just hinting. I try to be honest about things when it gets to be too much. But they just shake their heads, irritated about my claims. Or question me with a condescending tone. Or roll their eyes. Or just call me weird/strange.

I'm sick of being a freak. That's all that runs through my head during the day. I've always been a freak. Some weirdo. I don't belong anywhere. Not even here. Things aren't ever going to change. I've had suicidal thoughts, but I'm too afraid of death to go through with it. And my family cares about me. I know that. But my own thoughts and the thoughts of people around me take over. It's too much. I just want to stay inside and hide away. Even then my thoughts still scare me.

awww. come 'ere.
*huggies*
i'm so sorry you have to put up with all this bullshit.
i'm so sorry.
but i know that you'll get through this. maryelizabeth.
i can tell that you have a strong heart.
keep on going strong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BearWithAStrawberry (Post 453798)

Thanks. Anything helps.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453800)

Thanks. Anything helps.

:3

i hope you're feeling better.
i know the feeling.

feeling like your stuck in a hopeless black tunnel with no way out. you find tiny flashes of light, or hope, then they disappear. dispair.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BearWithAStrawberry (Post 453802)

:3

i hope you're feeling better.
i know the feeling.

feeling like your stuck in a hopeless black tunnel with no way out. you find tiny flashes of light, or hope, then they disappear. *despair.

I think I am. Usually when I get into those dark spirals the cutting only brings me back. But I'm listening to a lot of music, and I'm thinking about sending a letter to Gerard Way if my parents let me.

It'll be okay. Wrap yourself up in thick blankets. Listen to music. Watch your favorite TV shows. Take a shower and let the water run through your hair and over your ears, blocking out the sound. It'll be okay.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453814)

i've only been taking cold-ish showers because warm water really stings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BearWithAStrawberry (Post 453816)

i've only been taking cold-ish showers because warm water really stings.

(if you're talking about scars) Yes, I have new ones from last night, and I just had my hand pressed to that patch of skin because it hurt so badly, but the water just blocked out everything. It was nice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453818)

bAND AIDS TO THE RESCUE.
but shoot.
doesn't it suck that it's too warm to wear long-sleeves.

It does. Which is why I did them on my thigh.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BearWithAStrawberry (Post 453824)

bAND AIDS TO THE RESCUE.
but shoot.
doesn't it suck that it's too warm to wear long-sleeves.

I only have them on my upper shoulders and upper thighs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453834)

I only have them on my upper shoulders and upper thighs.

lucky.
HOW DO YOU REACH THEM
MINE DUN DRAW ENOUGH BLOOODDD