I'm kinda sorta in the same situation, minus a few things; I don't cuss, either, although I feel it would be nice sometimes in venting. XD anyways, I think I know where you're coming from.
I won't go off venting on my situation, but just know that you have people here on KP for you. Always. That's what I've used to help me.
Feel free to talk to me...or any of us. And stay strong. ^_^

Thanks. :)

We care. I care.
People change and move on. From what you say, that other friend doesn't seem like such a real friend. You can brag a bit to boost your self-esteem (it seems to me like you could do with that) but don't stoop to her level and try to be the best.
It's the people who stand by you no matter what who are worth thinking about. And although they may take some time, you will find your true friends.
I know I haven't talked to you much, but we've talked enough for me to know you are an amazing person. Don't ever let ANYONE take that away from you.
And frankly, for anyone who doesn't see how awesome you are - it's their loss.
Although many people would argue that popularity is important, it really isn't. I jumped from friend group to friend group before I realised that actually, it's better to have one or two really close friends than have many people know you - but not the real you. Or, even better, if you still want to get noticed, fight for something. Maybe there is a cause you would like to support? If you can do things to raise awareness or maybe money for it, go ahead! It's also great for boosting self-esteem.
I'm sure your parents are perfectly aware that perfect children to not exist - everyone has faults, and having too high expectations can create even more. Talk to them about it - they'll be able to help with everything.

Sometimes life can be cruel and it's hard to see the beauty in it. But as long as you fight to make your life how you want it, it will be there. Don't ever give up - or you would be giving up on yourself. And you never want to do that.

If you need more advice, my inbox is always open. I'm happy to talk about anything. Okay? *points to contact tab*

Everyone hurts. Everyone cares.
You are who you are. You can't change that. And you are beautiful.
Stay the way you are. You are perfect.
Email me if you want to vent/talk. *points to contact tab*

Agreed. :p

thank you.
first one ive ever heard in my life.

*huggles*
ANY time you need to talk, I'm here.
Just stay strong. <3

I made a poem for you and a couple of other people.
/glomps/
Thank you.

You have replies because we care about you. You know that, right?

Okay. Thank you. :)
*is now happy you made feel a little better* :D

Yeah, I guess...
I was really depressed and in a bad mood then. (Getting a new car is very stressful o_O)
Thank you... :)

I commented.
^_^

^_^
*is happy you feel a little better* Everyone deserves to be happy.

I wish I weren't so hard on myself. But I am. All because of my father. Always stressing me and pressuring me. He has made me think that a SINGLE A- in a sea of As and A+s is bad. I hit myself. Really hard. Inflicted a lot of self pain. Because I am mad that I got an A-. I think it's partly because I'm hard on myself, but also because I feel like I let my dad down. I wish he could understand that I'm not perfect, and that just because HE'S smart doesn't mean I am. I feel stupid, but at the same time I want my dad to understand that I'm not perfect.

I also realized I get too overly emotional. People at school make fun of me for it. Sometimes I break down because I can't help it, and I feel pathetic, stupid, and hate myself for being that way. Everyone stares, everyone talks about it, and I lose friends for being the 'pathetic guy' that I am. That just makes things even worse. Much, much, worse. I hate myself.

Oh my gosh, this came out SO LONG... o__O
But, hey, several people on here are having this same problem, so...I guess this is enough to feed all of you guys. XD

Here goes nothing.

Let me tell you something about getting the grades you want, Arin. Let me tell you a story.

I knew a girl, once, who always had a perfectionist outlook, like you and your father. But it wasn't given to her, like how your father gave you the outlook by expecting only perfection. In fact, her father was the exact opposite--he always told her, since she was in Kindergarten, "Get the grade you want to get. As long as you pass, that's enough for me." Nevertheless, she knew it would make him happier and he'd be more proud of her if she got an A+ on every test and in every subject. Besides, she felt better about herself when she got A+'s all the time. So she drove herself as hard as she could every day at school for years.

She quickly went from feeling great if she just got any kind of an A, to the point where nothing less than an A+ would do. She’d beat herself up emotionally every time she got a test back with anything less than a 97% on it. When that stress was coupled with all the kids picking on her and shunning her (for the same reasons you get picked on and more, Arin), and also the weight of several large devastating problems at home, her grades started to get pulled down against her will. She couldn't think. She couldn't focus. She was too upset and worried all the time to pay attention and give the right answers. When she started getting B's, she felt even worse about herself. Then she eventually just broke down.

Her dad told her to stop worrying about her grades so much, since it was the easiest thing to fix. So, slowly but surely, she took on a new attitude about her grades--the attitude he wanted her to have all along. If you pass, then it suffices. For a while, her grades hovered around A-’s, and A’s. She told me it killed her inside to see those grades, but she kept telling herself that it's just as good as an A+, because that means she still passes, she still knows what she needs to know, and she still gets to move on to the next grade. Then, once she got comfortable with that, and she stopped worrying about her grades all the time, something unexpected happened.

She started getting A+'s again. First they were just here and there on quizzes, but then she started getting all her major projects back. Narrative essay? A+. Book report? A+. History report? A+. Science project? A+. She even got an A+ in Math, somehow, which was the hardest subject for her. I asked her how she was suddenly getting the grades she wanted, and for a long time, she didn’t know how to answer me. Then, one day, after finals testing, she realized it was because she stopped letting worry and anxiety distract her.

You see, Arin, if you tell yourself a test doesn’t matter as long as you pass, and you believe it, it becomes easy to give the right answers. Learning and remembering becomes quicker and is less stressful.

She didn’t keep up the A+’s forever, of course. No one’s perfect. She got several A’s and a couple A-’s every now and again. But she learned to not care about that tiny sign after the letter grade.
An A is an A.
An A+ is an A.
An A- is an A.
And an A means you pass. So does a B. And so does a C.
As long as her report cards didn’t say D or F, things were perfectly fine. She never did get a C, though…because she still worked hard. She just didn’t worry. The key is not to worry, Arin.

I know it’s difficult to change your outlook. It took me a long, long time to learn from her story. I’m a perfectionist, too. And once a perfectionist, always a perfectionist. She had times when she slipped into her old thinking, and so did I. I still have those moments, actually. But it was possible for her to overcome it, it was possible for me to overcome it, and it’s possible for you, too. <:^J You just have to try.

Oh, and on the subject of being overly emotional...

This I can identify with you 100%. (I have many personal stories about this subject, too, but I'd rather not both bore you to death and relive my tortured years in public school. <:^D)

It's not that you're overly emotional, Arin. It may very well be that all the others just too apathetic. You can't help caring about school, because school is important. Most kids don't see it as something very important. So they don't do their homework and get bad grades and undermine their teachers. They're just hurting themselves in the long run. And then there are those who are smug with their good grades and look down on everyone else. They're self-centered. They don't care about others.

You're not pathetic, Arin. <:^J You're like most writers--you're just more aware, and you care more. I believe that's a good thing. It's dangerous, yes, because you can make yourself sick if you keep being so harsh on yourself. You can force yourself into a breakdown. But it's also a good thing, Arin! It shows that you're different. It marks you as an individual.

And, like I said in my last post, you can still be emotional without making yourself sick. You just need to learn to control your thoughts and your viewpoint. You can still care about your grades--care about passing. Care about being different than the people who bully you.

Don't you dare hate yourself. You're an amazing kid. I know you don't see yourself as one, but that's how everyone on here sees you.

Hey, I'm getting better at this! <:^D

MAAAAAAX you're back on KP! :D

Getting better at what? :3 Whatever it is, GOOD. Keep it up.

YEEEESSS!!!! :D

Getting better at not being a loser. o___o

*eye twitches*

L-Loser......

No.

*grumpy cat face*

WHAT? e__o What is this nonsense? Is "loser" code for something? You're NOT a loser! *glomps* You've already published one book, you have another on the way, you've got lots of friends, and you're awesome any way you look at it. You. Are. Not. A. Loser.

I agree with Kenny.

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/1878...g/original.jpg

Yesh.....
YESH!
>:D

XD
I meant I'm not a loser. I love myself, I am awesome, I am self-confident, I have almost published two books and I am not even 16 yet! :D

AGREED.

You ARE awesome. I mean... I haven't even FINISHED a book and I am still older than you. You are in high school..... (older than you, which confuses me, but nonetheless.) I mean... you have so many friends :3 You are loved.... and spectacularly amazing :P

O_O ...Oh.

GOOD. :D You should love yourself. Everyone should. I'm glad, then.

If some one says otherwise about Max! Then me and Ash will find you O_O
CORRECT, ASH!?
*gets out hammer*

:D Thanks, guys! :D

Ash's made more sense (being she used words the best)
But, you're welcome ^_^

YES. >:^D *gets out butter sock, ISP tracker, and pepper spray* *lol just kidding, but, seriously...leave Maxi alllooooone... e_e He's awesome.*

O_e What? Yours was better...a lot more personal and less cheesy. ^_^

*gets out ninja stars*
Me ninja.
You no touch my friend.



Uh-uh! *shakes finger*
You always have a way with words that makes it sound so realistic and true. Mine is just like... 'Here, this what you are. Just gonna lay it out straight. Sorry it sounds like crap.' :D

NINJAAAAA! (You know they never wore black in real life, right? o.o)


Okay, okay, this isn't about either of us. XD It's about Max.

Australia doesn't have a middle school, and HS starts in 7th grade... RIGHT MAX? I think I got it right...

Same thing in Canada. America's weird... xD

i honestly--
i can't wait to get the fuck out of this school.

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I DON'T WANT TO no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no this won't end well i can tell no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no please no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no oh god why no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

*huggles* What happened?

forcibly going places to have social interactions and awkwardness and a not-fun time even though "it's such a wonderful opportunity!!!!!" it's really really not and if i have to go it won't end well plus i have a lot of homework that i should've done like last week so the timing isn't great either and i just really don't want to go--
i should fake an illness or something. *sighs*

where is it? hs? other shit? what?

I sent out my scholarship applications today.

shitshitshitfuckshitfuckshitshitshitshitfuck

(Somehow the blend of cussing is amusing to me)

nothing.
forget about it.

hahaha
my dad asking me if im okay
hahahaha
if anythings wrong
hahahahaha
my mom saying she doesnt like it
when im sick
hahahahahaha
even my body is giving up on me too i guess
hahahahahahaha
my dad saying if something was wrong
id tell him right?
hahahahahahahaha
are
you
shitting
me