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You should eat more. . |
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I should eat less. Far less. |
guess i'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all...
i thought so too. past tense. |
god i just love you people so freaking much
and i don't deserve any of it but i just i don't know i need to be happier goddammit |
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No. You're wrong. |
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Not sure about the monosyllable conversations. |
GUISE, I GONNA RANT. I'm sorry if any of this sounds worried, don't worry it's not to anyone in particular. Other than my best friend. Haha. So . . . here it comes.
You know what? You guys are lucky to be blessed with life. You're lucky to be on this earth. Think of what would happen if you were in another body? Would it be that great? The world is gonna bring something bad on you sometime, somehow, so why not be a boss and just step right through it as if nothing happened? Instead of clinging on to the memory, the pain? I know, easier said than done, but by no means does that mean it can't be done. You just gotta pull through and stay strong. Get that? STAY STRONG. And it's even selfish taking your own life. Think of all the kids out there, even the adults, who have some illness where they're dying, and think of how much they want to live. They want to live. You've been blessed. Take none of life for granted. <3 |
I threw up last night. And now I'm being quarantined. XD
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because you are effing awesome |
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((no thank you i love you both goddammit i'm sorry)) |
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FAFM was already reflecting my life, broken, a shell of what it never was in the first place.
Now i'm going to do it again, suffer again through Who I'm Not, an ironic acronym of WIN, when all i'll do is lose more. I've lost everything, well mostly, and i don't know if i care, maybe i don't, but i don't think i care. So i give up, not in futility, but in finality. |
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My life is just an entire pile of, "Hm... I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do, but whatever, I'll do it anyway!" And I only end up regretting it later. At the time, I feel like I've done the right thing. However, whenever I look back, I realize that almost every decision I make is an unsure step. It's a step to nowhere clear, it's just a step in hopes it will make my life so much better. I can't say I regret losing you now, but maybe someday I will. And you continue to pop up in my life, so I wonder if you're meant to stay or go.
Confusion. |
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It's kind of funny.
The thought, "I am a worthless f***ed up piece of s**t and I deserve to die," even when I mutter it for 20 minutes straight, nonstop, doesn't really worry/scare me at all, I'm incapable of feeling such emotions toward it. But the thought that I am/might be going to therapy (unless my mom is lying again) really effing terrifies me. |
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Bleh.
I'm ignored. |
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I'm not amazing, though, and the world will be just fine/probably better for the most part without me. |
"the world will be fine without me"
aha ahaha ahahaha no |
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D: ~le gasps~ LST NOT AMAZING????!?!? ~mind cannot comprehend/explodes~ You are seriously, utterly the most amazing person i've talked to. THE WORLD WILL DIE. |
All of this is crashing back at me. How I'm forcing myself to go through with Confirmation, and how I'm going to a Catholic school because it's got a good education only, how Anna has to deal with so much shit just because of her sexuality, and how I should keep in touch, but I don't, how I don't believe that my "friends" care about me, how all I want to do is make a difference with writing, but I can't go to a school to learn to do that because of money, how so many things are fucked up with the idiots around me, how I'm from a long line of assholes, how I'm always going to have to think about how my grandparents are passive aggressive, lazy racists, how I don't seem to be more than a biracial, arrogant, reader to people around me, how I can't manage to talk to people because of my own issues, how things aren't getting better. Things aren't getting better for anyone.
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SLEEPING WITH SIRENS IS LITERALLY FIVE MINUTES AWAY
I CANT BELIEVE I SAID NO TO THIS THING I DIDNT KNOW THEY WOULD BE HERE I DIDNT KNOW SWS AND MSI WOULD BE HERE I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL CRAP BANDS UGH SWS IS FIVE MINUTES AWAY FUCK EVERYTHING *stabs self* |
ughughgugh
IM GONNA FUCKING CRY GUISE SLEEPING WITH SIRENS AND I DONT HAVE TICKETS BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS CRAP BANDS ONLY SO LIKE NO IM GONNA FUCKING RIP MY HEAD OFF |
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Jealousy O.o |
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FUCKING SLEEPING WITH SIRENS |
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So, through my bedroom window, it sounded like Shut Me Up by Mindless Self Indulgence was just playing a few minutes ago, which is the only reason I checked the website, and MSI IS here, so fml.
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Things can get better. Just… sometimes it's really hard for them to do so, and it takes a while. Don't lose hope. Quote:
I'm nooottt. wat this sentence makes no sense to me whatsoever??? Quote:
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>8| Yesh. You. Are. NOW SHHHH leave it at that :3 O.o it doesn't make sense to me either XD |
Ahem. Please ignore this. I just need to type out all that has gone wrong in the past month. (In no particular order)
Being told to die like three times. My computer caught a virus and I can't turn it on and it can't be fixed for another week. My nook stopped working. My phone is dead. My ipod was stolen, therefore I have no access to music other than on this computer. I've been sick. Therefore unable to attend track. I have no new books to read. Multiple big family issues. My sweet puppy died. And quite a few other things. |
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*hands happie* I'm sorry… |
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