Thank you.

My mom's side of the family has a jacked up history. Her father was drunk and on drugs and beat her and abused her mom. I don't know his name. She googles him once a year.

I'm gonna go and try to finish this project. Thank you, guys. And stay strong, both of you.

Yeah.

I should be studying for a goddamn test tomorrow, but I don't care that much. Goodnight. XD

I'm actually glad you're afraid of what will happen. Because it's probably one of the only things stopping you from 'letting go'. Don't let go, hold on tight. Nothing pisses people off more than when you are stronger than them.

D:
Pluzzie.
No!
Hugs you.
Doonntttt
Njgnflignfniognelenglisnlngkgioerinlgeilgnenngling oinerngoein
I'm gonna explode.
DUN LEAVE MEEE

we won't insult you.
yu are to awesome to be insulated.
and insulted.
s'ok.
we all have that time.
but please.without your father, would you be the brave young man you are today?
no. without your father, you wouldn't even be alive.
be thankful, darling.
:)
he loves you.

can you absolutely /not/? uh, i dunno about owen, but i hate it when people tell me this bc yeah, my dad may love me, but still im not thankful that i have a father who loves me, bc my dad beats me and insults me.

it absolutely /sucks/ to hear that people should be thankful for being in an abusive relationship because the abuser still "loves them".

...Now i just ugh.

I KNOW.

This doesn't apply, really, but my guy friend was dating this female dog and he got this same response although she was making out with other guys, shrugging him off, and refusing to take him seriously.

in my opinion, there should be a simple rule:
if they don't treat you right, you don't have to be thankful for anything.
whether they are a family member, friend, someone you're in a relationship with romantically, or anyone.

ooooooh, but you ooooowwwe them soooooo much.

I hate school. I can't even eat a friggin' biscuit without them wanting to ruin it for me.

D:

I am sorry, Eva. I wish there was more that I could do than fantasize beating them up with a pogo stick ):

The end of school is coming up, and I'm really bummed because I'm moving schools next year, and I'm leaving all my friends behind. ;(



It's all very depressing and scary for me.

Oh, I felt the same last year. I was going to secondary school and I wasn't exactly sure that I'd be going to the one most of my friends will be going to.

Wait, when do you actually get out?

July something.

WHAT THE CRAP.


I finished my classes today. o_o

Had a good day. A productive day. A nice day.

And yet, all day long, I've been feeling like I want to just dig a hole, crawl into it, and stay in there for the rest of my life.

._.

SHIT

I'M SO DEAD ON THURSDAY.


THE LAST DAY OF MY ORCHESTRA AUDITIONS.

OhmygodwehavetoplayOpus74#47ohmygoditssohardohmygo ditsreallyfastHOLYSHITIMGONNADIE!!!

What happened? ._.

Nothing, actually. o_o Not outside of the usual insanity that goes on around here, I mean. XD So...I dunno. I guess I just wasn't up to par today or something. Random bout of depression. *shrugs* It's wearing off, a bit, I think.

Oh okay that's normal. ^_^

That's crazy.
At least nowadays, we get off at 13:30 for studying for the exams.

i don't really want to actually post a vent-y thing about this, i don't want you guys to worry so i'll just say
haha
also
i don't even fucking know

Just when I was trying to be productive...turned out we haven't learnt all the hings in our math mock paper.

e-mail? Please?

this is just wonderful
this is just absolutely wonderful

What?????? O_O

so many things.
today, you said that you might be leaving to go to a boarding school and kristen is talking to me about it too and this adds on me being sick and i might not be able to attend to a school fun party day thing and then i will need to wait longer for FW to arrive to my house and now i feel crappy.

*wrinkles nose*

Eh.

Probably shouldn't have mentioned the whole 'boarding school' thing.

sorry kendra

It's okay. I am happy that you would miss me, and sad that your sad XD

XDDDDDDD
True.

Once again, I feel absolutely crazy.
Okay, first of all, are there any KPers who have ever experienced mania or hypomania or ANYTHING like that who might be able to help me out here?
I've been on the manic side for a good couple months now, shifting occasionally to being "normal", but I just went through this really low week or so, and now what I can only assume is mania is hitting me really hard.
I can hear myself talking in my head, amid my thoughts--I hear voices, like they're echoing in my head, whispering words but nothing totally coherent. I've been suspended in this trance of anxiety for about three days now, constantly on the verge of throwing up from being so hyper. I don't actually walk around my house anymore, I SPRINT from room to room for no good reason. The worst part is when I try to talk, I BABBLE--like not the Kidpub definition of "ramble" but legitimate babbling, desperately stringing sentences together at warp speed--and my mom has even told me that I appear to be thinking at the speed of light. I feel like I'm moving on a different frequency or something, I'm terrified yet confident and hyper yet so, so EXHAUSTED at the same time. At first it was kind of funny, but now I'm scared. I feel like I need to get out of my head. I feel like I'm on crack or something, hyper and unable to relax, desperate to be productive yet unable to sort my thoughts enough to get anything done--I'm SHAKING. I have the worst tension headache right now, too...
I'm really nauseous... I just really hope I can make it until the end of June without breaking down. Oh god... Okay, I'm done.
Any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. I only attended half of a school day today in the hopes that it would help, but it hasn't done anything.

Did you drink coffee or something? Usually, when I'm hyper, it wears off after a few hours. Maybe you can lie down and try to calm down or something. I hope you feel better soon :/


On another note, hope shouldn't exist. Whenever I get hopeful, I get reckless and everything falls apart.


And I'm talking about lying to people O_o

Sorry, I don't have any advice but to rest. :^/ But I have experienced the voices thing before - it was only in one place, just weird whisperings that I couldn't understand. It freaked me out.

Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
I'm so eloquent and articulate in my mind, but outside, I'm so...awkward. Even on the internet, I can't find the right words. And it's even worse IRL - I stutter and mix up my words. It's like verbal dyslexia. And it's only been getting worse. This is probably why I like KP so much - people can't tell that I'm a loner outside of my safe virtual walls.

Ugh.