Stop. Right now. You are not worthless! Don't ever think of yourself as that! And knowing the people that bully you? Do you mean you actually know them? One time my best friend started bullying me, and I did nothing until I realized it was just going to get worse if I didn't say anything.

Tell someone. Please, tell someone. It hurts to see you like this.

You are loved. You are worth it. Don't ever put yourself down.

aha, i am.. yeah, i do.

i can't i just canttt it'll only get worse!

no im not.

Okay. I'm going to go along with your antics.

How is it going to get worse?

Listen. No matter what you say, or how much you deny it, every person on this earth has worth. You need to tell someone. Confuzzled is right. It hurts to see you like this. And if it does get worse after you tell someone, tell them it got worse.
As for someone to tell, if you don't have a parent you trust, why not tell a teacher, a different family member, or a guidance counselor. Just think of someone you trust.
Owen, we all, here on WB, love you. :)

TTTTTTOOOOBBBBBBBUUUUSSSSSCCCCCCUUUUUSSSSSSS.
i

No, not if you tell an adult it won't. Owen, have you tried? You have to try! If they bully you more, don't let them hurt you. Just laugh at them, laugh at their stupidity. Laugh it away and just say "I'm done with you. You really think you can hurt me?" Even if you aren't, act brave. They'll lay off, I promise.

You gotta try.

And when you say bully, what do you mean?

i told an adult once before and nothing changed.

insults, punching me sometimes, making me feel like crap...

Who did you tell? Do you trust them? Did they actually sit there and do nothing?

Owen, if they're punching you that's physical abuse. Seriously, you have to tell someone.

Your dad forced you? Owen, I'm so sorry. Gosh, that's got to be hard to live with. Do you trust someone? Like fully trust? Tell them. Tell your friends, they'll find a way to help. Do you have a school counselor?

the only "friend" i have knows about all of this but they dont really help...
i dont think so.

Just give them the middle finger whenever you can and find a teacher you can trust. If not, stick with the first thing.

I guess all there is left is for you to stand up for yourself.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what else to say.

but i cant though.

it's okay.

I understand what he means.
I was never badly bullied, but from even what little experience I have of it, it feels like you could be worse off telling someone. I mean, you start to think about how people probably won't be able to help, and that the bullies will know you ratted out, things will get even heavier, etc.

But Owen you should know that that is not the case. That is never the case. If you tell someone, anyone, and you express just how bad you feel about it, actions will be taken. No one can sit around and let you feel like this. If you tell the right people, people you think will care, they will help you. Move schools, get the bullies to be severely punished, I don't know, bit it will certainly make some kind of difference.

Hope I helped, even just a little bit...

Owen, I'm just going to come out and say it. Standing up to someone feels amazing. I had wanted so badly to tell this one girl off for so long, and when i finally did, it was one of the best moments in my life. I felt so happy and powerful. You can feel that too.
We all love you Owen. :)

hi wow hello hi hey
This is like the third time I've come here and typed out a massive rant and then deleted it

*hugs sandy*
*hugs you too* I'm glad they threw out the scale. it's shit that they maybe read your journal, though… *gives you happie*

They shouldn't have though :c It's a waste. Plus it's not gonna really change much. But yeah. I'm still not sure if they did, but.... I really hope not. *accepts happy and showers you with more happies*

(*hugs you back*)

Why do I feel like this about my best friend? I have this random overwhelming urge to delete her from my life. I don't know why. I've always felt very disconnected from every person I've ever been friends with--this time it's only different because we're "best friends" apparently but like wow. Please. Why the nitpicking. Why did I need to know every single childhood trauma you had in the first week we met? Why? Why do you always have to belittle me and squash me down to feel good about yourself? Why do you have to correct whatever I say, and then mock me if you're the one who's wrong? Why are you so short-tempered and close-minded? Why am I friends with you? You don't care about me and I don't care about you.

edit: *checks texts, holds head in hands* ghhhghghh why must you be such an asshole to me... why...

I know exactly how you feel. But I really don't have any advice, because when I was in this situation I screwed up big. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
*huggles*

If everything is SOOOOO BAD, why don't you try it? If the acting is SOOOO BAD, I'd like to see you act. I have, and you're terrible. If every single thing you see is SOOO BAD compared to you, then ????????????? ????? You've picked out things I like or things I do and shamed me for them, declaring that you're better, falsely. Um, no. Sit back down. Cut people some slack. Relax and stop acting like you're high-and-mighty perfection, because, ta-daaa *blows confetti in your face* YOU'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THAT'S OKAY!!!!!!! PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE NOT BEING PERFECT IS A TERRIBLE THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, man. :/ I'm just distancing myself from them right now. =___= I'm also scared that I'll regret messing things up and stuff. Ugh.. I'm sorry to hear that things didn't go well in your situation. :C I hope you're okay now...?

Oh yeah, I'm fine now. I wasn't trying to make this about me, this is about you. :)
Distancing yourself is good. Maybe you could talk things out?

My best friend was exactly like that :o Well, a few differences, like in what she did, but still, same situation. You just have to wait :3 After time they may change, and if they don't..... well, deleting them from your life may help. Or talking to them about it, but that's a hard thing to do....

ugh ok
deleted

also mannn my brother was rewatching season one of dw and i miss nine okay like allllll the feels i miss nine and ten and rose and martha and donna and mickey and jack harkness I MISS EVERYONE

Serious triggers, graphic talk of suicide
 

Lately I've been experimenting with how far I can push myself. It's kind of a game of physical chicken. The thing is, the more I think about it the more I realize how simple it would be for me to simply stab a knife into my chest, or someone else's, or to jump out of a moving car or shave my head or steal that necklace at I want. And as soon as I come to this realization at the must mundane of times (chopping carrots, driving into town, shopping) it's like...like at mandatory scene in Disney movies. Like when Captain Hook chased Peter Pan put across a cliff, swishing his sword, and he STAYS *SUSPENDED in the air, functioning normally, until he realizes his situation. And THEN, all of a sudden everything changes, as soon as he gets that little piece of information, he can't stay suspended anymore. Gravity comes back from lunch break, he flails uselessly and FALLS.*
I guess what I'm getting at is that I keep pushing myself off of that cliff. I feel that I have perfect control of my body, but then I realize all these strange, morbid, horrible things, and I lose it. Did you know that it would take the same amount of force to bite straight through your own finger than it does to bite into a carrot? If you wanted to, you could bite off your own finger. Just take a minute to imagine that. Imagine how it would feel on your teeth, and your skin and muscle. You could probably hear it. You would definitely taste it, taste your own blood.
But the thing is, you don't do that. Because as soon as you even gently close your teeth around your finger, warning bells go off in your head. Your finger hurts a little. It just feels WRONG. your body and mind are simultaneously warning you not to hurt yourself.*
But don't you ever imagine what would happen if those urges weren't there? If you just...lost control of your muscles. You think it, you do it. It's something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, to be honest. When I'm in the car, when I think in detail about what would happen were I to open the door, jump out... I don't want the thought, but suddenly it's all that I can think about. I make it into a little game with myself. Would I have time to unbuckle my seatbelt, ready myself, unlock the door before my family noticed? Would the wind force slam the car door shut before I could even jump out? I'd have to be fast or else my dad would stop driving. But maybe by then I would have hit the asphalt, too damaged to move. That car behind and to the left of us is going fast. They probably wouldn't stop in time. They'd run me over and that would be the end of it.
I can't prevent these thoughts. And what's worse is that once I've had them, it's as though my body is trying to enact it, with or without my permission. I unbuckle my seatbelt. I reach for the lock and a terrified of how easy it is, that there is no magical force field that would ward me away from these things, the things that just don't happen because you can't do it, you have no reason to.
I keep suddenly realizing that there is no solid ground, no force field, under my feet, that I am in midair with only a nervous system and those urges of common sense to protect me. And I grow increasingly afraid that these will fade.
It's a dull and irrational fear and it only appears once in a while. But when it does, I want to lock myself up, keep away from danger, only to be defeated by the omnipotent threat that being an independant person on charge of a meat suit brings. I can do anything that I want,whether I want it or not.

Let your rant flow free like the running rivers, Sandy. SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS FOR ALL TO HEAR! xD

Maybe throwing away the scales could be for the better? It couldn't hurt. Yeah the journal thing sucks. Would you ever think of confronting them about it, to see if they really did read any of it?

My brother left for his Sophmore year at college this morning and I didn't even cry. :)

Thanks, man. I've been afraid of telling anyone else because, yeah, I'd get sent to the guidance counselor in a heartbeat.

*didn't see this until just now* O_O

Oh my gosh, Cass, I'm so sorry... D: I have no idea what's wrong with your friend. You don't deserve to go through ANY of that with her. *hugs* I hope she stops this soon and you can go back to being best friends.

Don't say that it's not important, everything is important in a different way. :)

Well, if your scared of dying, don't attempt it, that's for sure. xD Just try to push any suicidal thoughts out of your mind: imagine a brick wall scooting it all away.

*huggles* do you want to talk about it?

Stand up to them, Owen.
It isn't though. I'm sorry about the journal.
Haha, that's me and my friend.
Well, she's not being an asshole but I just hate her sometimes.
She's boring.
What happened?

About that finger thing.
No wonder Elphaba managed to bite off someone's finger.
Sorry.
I think it's a case with me, but perhaps less severe. It's mainly with heights. I can stand at the edge of a cliff for ages if I had no disturbance. I tried in Grand Canyon and my mum half broke down. I got into trouble, obviously and now I can't be 1.5 m from the cliffside when my parents are here. It's the fucking HEIGHTS that attract me.
e_e
It IS important. You shouldn't have to think about death right now. It will come eventually, don't go thinking about it if you're scared of it.
D:

I've had a lot of bad experiences with friends, and simply people in general. I've lost three best friends. The third time was the charm...you don't get how much I cried the year she switched schools, how badly I wanted to move.

Things slowly got better. Or at least, so I thought. I mean, I stopped crying and I have a group of friends.

But the problem is that I'm simply not as close to any of my friends that go to my school as I was to my best friend who moved. I mean, yeah, they're my friends and I hang out with them at school. But I have no desire to invite them over/hang out with them much otherwise. That's me time.

My mom's started to notice. She keeps telling me to invite friends over, but she doesn't seem to understand that I'm happier simply on my own. She thinks all of my friends are going to ditch me throughout my four years of high school, and I'm going to be left out of social activities. I've tried to tell her that I'm not as close to any of them as my best friend who moved, and she tells me to make new friends. And then she'll say something like "well, ____ seems like a nice girl. Why don't you make friends with her?"

She doesn't understand that everyone in my school is in a clique. And most of the girls she tries to tell me to hang out with are nice enough, but they hang out with the snooty popular girls whom I dislike. She doesn't get that you can't just butt into a clique and steal a member. It doesn't happen. And to tell you the truth...I'm pretty sure there's no one at my school who I'll ever be that close to. I mean, yeah I'm close to my group of friends but not as close to them as I was to my other best friend.

My mom doesn't seem to understand how much her comments about me being ditched by my friends (it hasn't happened, but she thinks it will) hurts me. She doesn't understand that I'm just not a social person.

...and I've tried to keep in touch with my best friend who moved. I really have. For a while, I thought things would work out. I really did. But eventually, she stopped trying to make plans with me, even though I'd suggested it. For example, I suggested it one weekend and she kept saying she was too busy, but not long afterwards I saw her sister post on Facebook or something how all her siblings were gone, including my best friend to a sleepover.

We're both fading quickly. I'm almost starting to think that my best friend who moved doesn't want to be friends with me anymore.

It makes me want to cry every time I realize that we're not best-friends/sisters anymore.

I don't even have a best friend anymore.
Last night I tried to accept this.
I took all of my friend's pictures out of my room. I put them away. I told myself "we were never friends."
Maybe if I say that enough, I can trick myself into thinking it's true.
Because I almost think friendships that fade are less painful than ones that are burned.

fuuck everything