i'd win if there's a competition of who fails the most.
i lost my usb and writing notebook and schedule in two days.
okay i just don't know where my writing notebook and schedule are...probably at home.
but my usb
ugh
i think i dropped it on a bus thing.
siiiiiiiiiigh

gasp.
what does your usb have on it? homework stuff?
i'd die if i lost my writing notebook.

Writing, but I have lots of backups and I backed up recently.

I haven't written in awhile. Bleh.

i havent written anything except rants and really bad fanfic that i never post and other than that i havent written stuff in over a year
depression told me i didnt have any good assets and then wiped me of the few assets i had left

I'm sorry. I'm so fu--ing sorry. I wish I could tell you how much I had fun with you and how much I wish this hadn't have happened.
Look, I screwed up. This isn't in the slightest your fault. It's all on me. This is just the way I am and I hate that but I can't change it. Don't be thinking you did anything wrong, because you didn't. I was basically blinded and ruined everything. I love you and I loved what we had but I can't do this to you again. I just can't do it to you again.
I love you and I'm really sorry for everything. I hope you understand.
(if it helps, I'm not doing so well)

so yeah i'm not exactly sure where to put this but this thread seems appropriate enough.

so i met this one family member only once that i can remember. she was really cool and nice to me. i told her i liked her earrings.

she died like a month ago.

i just found out today that she gave me the earrings i'd told her i liked. i received this little package from my grandmother (who was there when she died) with the earrings in them and a note saying that she had wanted me to have them just today and now i'm wearing the earrings and just feeling like crying because i only met her once and just a small comment like that was enough for her to think of me when she was dying and i just can't even.

Wow.. .

Screw my life
I don't have my English review so I can't do it
It's due Monday
And I get really stressed out about schoolwork
It's a grade
And I don't have it to do it
I'm literally crying about this
As I said, I get really stressed out about stuff like this
And I HAVE TO DO IT
I CAN'T JUST NOT TURN IT IN TOMORROW
I CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS TO MY TEACHER
I sent emails to two of my friends THIS MORNING AT LIKE TEN A.M.
still no reply
I called one of them and don't know how to otherwise contact the other
My dad doesn't understand that I hate calling people and it actually scares me
I had to work up the courage to call my best. Fucking. Friend.
I got voicemail. I was too scared to leave one.
I'm pathetic.
But I'm still really stressed about this and I'll die if I don't get it done
And I can't get any actual help from you guys
And my art portrait's also due and I'm also stressed about that
I'm going to fail
I don't know how to deal with that
I'm literally crying right now
And there's nothing anyone can do
And this is just wasting everyone's time
This is all impossible

my best friend is in my closet probably crying because now she hates me

and normally I'd just talk to her and apologize

but honestly i've put up with her shit for so long

i just don't want to have to deal with her

and i am glad that i have other friends

because honestly she deserves to feel bad

for pretty much being the crappiest friend ever

I need to write.
I need to just not be doing what I'm doing.
I need to not hate everything.
I need to start meditating.
I need to get involved more heavily in music.
I need to become a person, not a drone.
Stop deceiving myself into thinking that I'm any better than anyone else. I do the same shit.
I need to stop using the monstrosity of school as an excuse.
If I'm determined, school shouldn't be such a roadblock.
I don't feel healthy at all right now.

Amen .

I was informed today that two different guys have a crush on me. I'm not going to lie, I kind of needed that.

first... deep breaths... go here (calm.com). relax for a couple minutes. now think logically... make a list... don't stress out, kay? It won't be the end of the world if you don't finish your homework... IT'S ALRIGHT :))) *huggles*

ooh >.< what happened? :(

Ohmygosh, I wish I saw this sooner...I'm so sorry. That must be hard.

i feel you that's pretty much me in a nutshell except the hate everything part bc i dont hate anything it's too difficult to *hugs*

Not sure where to put this...
 

So I think I may have mild lactose intolerance.
It's weird. For my whole life, I've loved milk and drank several glasses a day. About a year or so ago, I'd get the occasional stomach cramp after drinking large amounts of it. But as time has worn on it's gotten worse. Tonight I drank what I thought wasn't that much of it, and I got horrible stomach cramps, and some other things I'd rather not mention on here. (sorry I didn't know how else to say it without totally grossing everyone out).
I just looked up some symptoms of it, and just tonight I had 4 out of the 6 that were listed after I drank it.
I don't know how to tell my parents because like I said before, I've drank milk everyday for my whole life and never complained about this to them before.
I know this is very minor and isn't really emotional venting but I didn't know where to put it and wanted to see if anyone has it and could give me any more information.

I SURVIVED EXAMS
(*skips around in circles of happiness, throwing flowers into the air*)

Two more days

Science and math

It's bad enough when you find out rumors about you are being spread and people start hating you when you've tried your entire life to stay out of the way in order to not get rumors spread about you.
So you can imagine how it was when I found out my best friend of 13 years is the one who spread them.

look i know you don't take me seriously and i know you think i'm a bitch and only put up with me because i'm friends with her but honestly i did mean it. i hate making people sad. despise the fact that i'm able to do it. so if i've ever done that, i'm sorry. and i told you that. and you said that you were joking and laughed at me and that fucking hurt. but you didn't apologize.
i guess you didn't really have to. but it would've been nice to hear something.

I've always felt that I'm
Just a barely-contained ball
Of anger and hatred.
Perhaps I'm right.
It's starting.
It's been flaring up more often.
It's starting.
Society makes it too easy.
It's starting.
I don't know what to do.
Why does the curse of hatred plague me?
And why does society make it so easy to grow?
I can't seem to control it at times.
When did it start first?
Well, the first traces, I suppose...
It's been four years.
So young
To fall to the
Curse of Hatred.

I want it so flipping bad that it hurts
but my pessimism is kicking in and I'm thinking that the odds are against me
after all, I'm so young and everyone else has had years to build their experience
but I want it so much that it's a burning flame within me
...there are those glimpses of moments when I think: but why not me?

Fingers crossed

Faith in humanity restored. :D
I had my first cello lesson at school the other day and this girl came over to me and introduced herself and she asked how it was going and told me to come to her with any questions. And then yesterday at gym she asked how cello was going for me. She's so sweet.
It's the things like that that remind the world isn't 100% suck. :D

Dear [insert name of school],
It's snowing like a bitch outside. You know what most schools do in this case? Close. You know what you didn't do? Close.

NO MORE SCHOOL SHIT YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

When are you guys off?

Just got off :D
I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
*gets home and my mom and brother as so sick that my brother had to go to the hospital so will be spending the rest of vacation on my computer in my room* .-.

Oh. Are they okay? If I may ask.

why the fuck am i so fucking stupid i need to put a bullet in my head

hell no please don't then the world would lose an awesome person (*hugs*)

no .

Yeah :P Better now. My brother has pneumonia but he got some medicine so he's a bit better now. And then there's a stomach bug that's been going around that my mother got .-.
Fun.

Hope they get better for Christmas!

Fuck her. Or him.

I'm so mean bc if I were you I'd actually mean the 'fun' kinda seriously. From what you've said, he sounds like a little shit.

Yeah but I don't know what to do .-. She doesn't know that I know. I'm nervous to bring it up to her because I don't want to lose her as a friend even though she's done some horrible things.

Yeah, I do kind of mean it 'cause he really is .... you know, as long as he doesn't die or anything .-. Nothing that bad.

american school dates confuse me??
like
we start the new grade of school in January???
Which makes sense???
but you guys don't??
I don't think?!?!!?

p.s I've been off since the 5th lel

They confuse me too and I live there!
If we started in January, my birthday would be in the first week of school and it would be awesomesauce :D

*huggles* shhhh shhhh it's okay sweetie

if your family really are abusing you, please talk with an adult about it and get help. those friends aren't real friends. *smushes with bear hug* look, it'll get better, okay? high school and teenagerdom is a poopy time in life. college will be so much better. :) just hold out there, okay?

just vent for us. we're here for you <3

I just got a fortune that says,
"You will become a great philanthropist in your later years."
And I can't help but think,
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Great joke.
HAHA I MEAN THAT'S LIKE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF ME HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I DON'T EVEN LIKE PEOPLE
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
yeah right.

HAHA *succumbs to Madness*