I can definitely understand how the "getting easier" part might get twisted, but that's just your brain playing tricks on you. I didn't know him, but I'm sure if he loved you as much as you loved him, he would be happy to see you heal from your grief.

Dude I don’t need big dreams. Forget traveling the world and being a free spirit. Literally all I want is to graduate college and get married and have some kids. This is not how I expected to feel at 18, but I’ve also never been happier.

dude. . . about to be 18 and I feel this, don't have anyone in my life atm but if I wanna get married I think I wanna do it young

on travelling the world: I don't wanna go away to college, I already have a good life where I am, just let me stay in my city and learn stuff

I absolutely don’t understand where either of you are coming from but I support you.

Me and my boyfriend BOTH have big dreams that we’re going to fulfill together.
However, having him also means that I have experienced the character development of being ok with residing in the United States and not constantly moving. Still going to have a chateau in the Alps and travel a lot tho

Oh HECK yeah. There’s a lot of judgement towards marrying young because 18-20year olds are hella immature, but honestly I don’t find that an inherently worrying thing. Of course you’re both young and immature, but you’re both going to mature as time goes on, together.

Honestly that’s so reasonable too. Travel is good and fine, but there’s something pretty great about planting roots and making your city your home on your own terms.

@ena you are also valid, n character development is bomb.

Man.... don’t you hate when you get emotional about something... and try to shut down the conversation or close off because you have shitty social skills and you’re emotionally a baby but the other person just sees it as being rude and disrespectful and keeps trying to finish the conversation and you keep accidentally getting snappier and curter as you desperately try to cut off the conversation before you cross a threshold and they just keep getting angrier and angrier about it and you can tell they’re getting angrier but you’re in such a precarious position, teetering over sobbing that you can’t figure out how to alter the course so Just keep trying to cut off the conversation the same way like a dumbass??

Or don’t you just hate when you’re absolutely awful at in the moment conversations or arguments of debates so you can understand everything that you want to say and you know exactly what you mean and what your side of the story is but then actually discussing it out loud happens and it all disappears and all that comes out is weak whisps of what you actually want to say and now you’re crying and you can’t stop and you don’t even know why you started crying so easily but you can’t communicate what you’re thinking and the other person Just gets angrier and angrier again because it seems like you’re not listening to what they’re saying or you’re just spouting out weak excuse but really you just can’t say it.

Also just... hate how you feel after a big cry. Like... shivery and frail and empty and like you should still be crying but there’s something eating the tears up instead.

If it helps at all, it gets easier to ride out conversations as you get older. You also get better at transitioning out of conversations.If someone is trying to have a conversation with you and the topic is making you emotional in a negative way, it is perfectly okay to tell them 'hey, I'm not comfortable talking about this, let's change the subject.'

You're not a dumbass and you're not emotionally baby, you're just growing and learning like everyone else.

This happens to me all the time, man, it sucks! I hope you feel happier soon and in the mean time, here are some tips for arguments (take them with a pinch of salt though, I'm a gremlin):
- If you are polite and reasonable and communicate things like 'I'm sorry, I need a little more time to answer', then the other person is more likely to be polite and reasonable in return.
- If you have the option of controlling it, pick a medium that you are most comfortable with. I do arguments over text because the physical distance and the ability to put down my phone and walk away from the argument helps me keep myself from getting overwhelmed.
- Along the lines of control, remember that you cannot control the other person, but you can, and you should, control yourself. Controlling yourself doesn't always mean choking back the tears before they can escape, sometimes it just means wiping them away so that you're vision is clear and taking a few deep breaths.
- If you have time to prepare, writing down your argument helps a lot. It gives you an opportunity to experience all the emotions you may have about the topic in your own safe environment, and once it's out you can adjust the wording to fit the person you'll be arguing with.

Big hugs to you, have a good rest and hopefully you'll feel better after.

I'm afraid my friend is going to kill herself

Do you want to talk about it?

I don't know. I'm just-- stressed. I have a shit ton of stuff going on. My mental health has been down the drain. My friend (who's only 12, going to be 13 soon) cuts herself and is suicidal. I'm always fighting with my mom. My dad is transphobic and right-wing and although I'm cis it saddens me. I'm constantly-- well, not dissasociating, but just going- "who am I? why did I do that? Am I really myself? do I really have control over my own actions? Is something else controlling me?" I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I'm hungry. I don't ever drink enough water. I was being bullied by a girl in my chorus class. (That should be over). I'm constantly worrying that I'm embarrassing myself or if I'm being awkward or annoying or if the people I'm hanging out with don't like me. I still feel like I'm losing certain friendships that I rested a lot of my self-respect on how they treated me. People are always asking me for help and advice and I want to help and advise them but with everything I have to think I... I want to talk about a lot of things.

The only good news is I put something on tumblr about every note being another day people want her to stay alive and that I would show it to her if it reached a lot and it's nearly at 2000, I'm on school wifi so I can't check but I'm sure it's there by now. I'm waiting for when her current happy streak she's on fades away to show her. I wish it wouldn't go away, but I know better.

I also feel like I don't have a valid reason to be sad or angry when I am. I feel like my coping mechanism, which is distraction and acting online like I normally do, or laughing during an argument, isn't valid, even though it helps. It helps me, and that's all I should care about, right?

people would hate me if they knew everything. I'm a bad person sometimes. I think I have ADHD. I'm paranoid and jump to conclusions about people because of an experience a while back. I feel like people hate me. But I also feel bad for feeling bad, because people aare going through so much worse.

I don't know who I am. I don't know why i'm here. But I sometimes wish I was literally anyone else. Someone with a valid reason to be sad, or angry, or loud, or Not Okay.

I'm just not mentally stable. Add that with midterms, a play and a concert for the choir i perform in outside of school all being over this week and the next two, I'm just not okay.

...

hey guys how young is too young to be having to talk your friend out of suicide for about 2 hours

she's okay now but today SUCKED

hey i am so so sorry for what you’re going through. it’s not ok that you’re having to deal with it on your own at such a young age. suicide is a super heavy topic and it should not be your responsibility to handle your friend, especially when you’re going through a rough time yourself. is there any adult in your life you can trust? an aunt, uncle, teacher, family friend? maybe talk to her parents? also, i don’t check this site that often, but if you want someone to talk to i can give you my instagram or my number

whOOP one of my teachers reported my family to child protective services. i know it probably should’ve happened sooner and i’ve known for years that something was wrong with my home life but now i have to actually come to terms with it. ugh and my school friends are also having rough times so i can’t lean on them and i can’t tell my home friends bc they know my family but don’t know that part of it so it would definitely hurt them to find out. oh well, my brother is going to college next fall so i won’t have to worry abt that and him any more and maybe when both of us are out of the house my parents will think it’s ok to get divorced

her mom and her grandparents are kinda the problem (she's got a very fractured family). my mom knows about it but there's not much she can do. my friend is doing a little better not but she still sometimes cuts herself. i've been BEGGING her to get therapy (which her mom offered) and she keeps saying "maybe", and when it comes to her, maybe is a hard pass. i love her so much but being her personal therapist and nearly the sole person she relies her problems too (i know the most. she always comes to me) is so hard because now i have two lives in my responsibility.

you got any tips on how to convince her to get therapy? i've already told her it's patient/therapist confidential but she's probably not going to budge.

i know how you feel,, i used to have a friend a lot like yours and for a while i just put up with everything but eventually it all hit a climax and i ended up calling someone who i knew could get in touch with her family (i didn't know her parents like at all),, she ended up going to therapy and stuff

i don't know how you can convince her to go though,, maybe you could suggest she just try it once and if she hates it she doesn't have to go back or you could tell her how you feel, maybe something like "hey, you're my friend and you mean a lot to me, but i feel like you are making me your therapist and i think it would be good for you to talk to a real therapist. they can help you more than i can, and i want you to feel better."

therapy is really tricky because if she really doesn’t want to go, then it definitely will not work. however, it might help to try and get an answer out of her as to why exactly she doesn’t want to go to therapy. if it’s that she’s afraid to ask or afraid that people will think of her weirdly or pityingly for going, you can assure her that plenty of people go and that plenty of perfectly mentally healthy people go just because it can be nice. if it’s that she’s afraid of being a burden, you can tell her that her mother already offered it, or if that’s still too much, you can point her towards hotlines (741-741 is a pretty good 100% confidential texting hotline, it’s also perfectly free.) if she just doesn’t like the impersonal aspect of therapy (this is where i stand) you should encourage her to find an adult that she can slowly start opening up to. if she’s afraid that a therapist might end up reporting her to her parents or something (if a therapist thinks you might hurt yourself or others and you’re under 18 they legally have to tell someone) you can again point her towards hotlines, which do NOT have to call the police, child protective services, or your parents. she can use hotlines to talk about the self harm and anything else and then she can use therapy to talk about the reason for self harm with someone she can build a relationship with. the important thing is that you (gently) let her know that she can’t continue using you as her sole resource

you could also tell her that while you’re happy being a comfort person for her you can’t be a vent person for her. tell her that when she’s sad she can hang out with you and you can watch terrible shows or cook or just keep each other company, but you don’t always want her to tell you exactly what’s wrong. i have a lot of friends who have issues with self harm, and generally the arrangement i have with them is if they are having a hard time and want to hurt themselves they can always come sit in my room and i’ll make them tea and we can watch the office or brooklyn 99 as i do my homework. it’s nice to have someone who understands that you’re sad and will support you through it, but you can 100% do that without exhausting yourself

we can't really go over to see each other though-- we both still live at home and nowhere near each other.

i'll say something else later i have to go nOW

her mother has access to her phone and everyone she texts, so a texline isn't an option. but thanks for the ohter stuff.

it’s not the same but you can put her on facetime and just hang out in your respective rooms. best of luck with this whole situation

does her mother have a screen tracking app or does she just go through your friends phone? because if it’s the former, that sucks, and if it’s the latter, she could just delete the messages immediately after

ah yes, my old friends from last fall--worry, fear, helplessness, and an inability to know what i'm feeling until seven months after the fact!!

I just happened to glance at this page and WOW :eek: there are soooo many posts!!!

seasonal depression hits so different

MOOD.

Especially when you're home from college and now all of the ways that you've figured out how to emotionally cope are no longer feasible because your parents no longer understand how to best give you support.

today, since I am home-schooled and I do math with my mom, and I was trying really hard to figure out a problem, and once I figure out an answer she looks at the correct answer in her book, and then she says, "Ok, that answer is not right. Here is what you did wrong."
What makes me mad is that she can look at the answer, and she has already done this kind of math, while I have not done this kind of math, and I can not look at the answer. She didn't now how hard to problem was and that I had ZERO idea what to do. she also said it kind of like she knew it all
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It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

OOF I tutor ppl in math sometimes and the vibe is me trying to remember how to do the problems. What math are you in?

I am in fifth grade... I'm learning fractions with percentages. :confused:
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It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

sounds pretty confusing ngl

so, uhhh like word problems? or just like "what percent is 4/7 of 50?"

I am doing word problems :( :mad: :confused:

Hey guys! I am really excited because we are moving to a new computer and it is so much faster! I love it! (I and on it now) It was kind of hard to get stuff moved over, but I think we got it now! :D :D
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It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

Awesome!! Fast computers are great :) Also, friend, if you wanna ask for homework help I have some time on my hands

I think I understand it a little more (even if it meant extra work)
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It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

cool beans, kiddo

nervous/tired
 

Hey everyone I am a little nervous because tomorrow I have a dentist appointment and they are going to pull two wiggly teeth that are almost out.(the new teeth are coming in underneath) I am pretty nervous. also it is at 8:20 so (since I normally sleep to 7:50) I will have to wake up earlier then normal. :( (I hate pulling teeth.)
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It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

UPDATE! : it didn't hurt at all but now the next day, it is really annoying because the gums hurt and are healing.
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It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

ughhh is it that weird itchy pain you can't do anything about

Well it is not itch it just hurts. I take cold medication and it goes away.
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It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman

all good now?

Yeah
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It's not just a matter of trusting yourself but testing your abilities - Joseph Sugarman