Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 451013)

i feel like such a bitch because im jealous that my friend has white picket fence life and its just like
ugh
please dont get all a's and one b and then complain how awful your grades are when you've seen mine
don't tell me about how when you grow up, you're going to be a doctor and be happily married and have children and tell me how amazing children are and basically shove it in my face
you know i dont like children
dont tell me how much money you made from babysitting and how you bought so many books over the weekend
dont tell me about how i should try harder
fuck im already trying to keep up the happy appearance and it's working with almost everyone i know
please
just
dont
make
me
feel
alone
and when you do make me feel alone,
dont expect me to talk to you about my shit.

Originally Posted by "Lily who is really really awesome" (Post 444491)

It's 2:30 am and I probs dunno what I'm saying but woah I have to admit that there is something I really, really, really like about myself. It's the one thing I don't hate about myself.

I am growing up in a family, where I am taught that the only way to fix depression is by yelling at them, being beaten is okay, gays are disgusting, men are more worthy than women, rape is asked for by what you wear, and that I should stay silent and not defend my beliefs.
And I believed all those things for years.
But still, I have gone against those things that I've been taught by my parents and learned from the outside to open my eyes and be more accepting.
I grew up in this family and I am still growing up in this family, yet I'm so much different from my brother, I've learned a lot more. He views everything the same way my parents do, yet I've learned:
Depression is not going to be cured by yelling.
Being beaten is abuse and is not okay.
Gays, bisexuals, transgenders, etc. are normal.
Everyone is equal.
Rape is never asked for.
My body is mine to decorate however I like.
And I must speak up for what I believe in.
My parents call me idiotic for defending my beliefs, yet I do it anyway because someone has to stand up. I'm glad that I learned so much more, I'm glad I learned these things early enough.


idk why I'm feeling so good about this I just am.

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 451031)

Being jealous doesn't make you a bitch, it makes you human. It's completely, absolutely understandable. *hugs* I get jealous sometimes, too.
Your grades don't reflect on you as a person, or even on your intellect. E's grades don't reflect on her intelligence or who she is as a person, either. They just tell you how well you're doing at school.
Maybe she's going to grow up to be a doctor and have children and a happy family. But you're going to grow up, be a bamf, an even more awesome person than you already are, and you're going to be happy, someday. *hugs*
You are trying hard enough. You haven't relapsed, lately, and you're surviving, and that's enough.
You are not alone. *hugs* We love you.

Here you go, hopefully this will cheer you up some…

and
http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showpos...stcount=146186
http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showpos...stcount=146195
http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showpos...stcount=146199

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 451033)

But E has a better chance of growing up and doing whatever the fuck she likes where I'm stuck hoping I'll maybe feel okay and how likely is it that I'll actually become a globetrotting hobo with you and G and Amme and ME? Or even get published?

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 451035)

okay. thanks for being here for me. you're wonderful and i love you. *huggles*

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 451031)

Being jealous doesn't make you a bitch.

Originally Posted by Lily (Post 451046)

No, being me makes you a bitch. Don't worry, other Lily, you share my name, but at least you're not all the way me. Isn't it funny how depression hits you so hard that the only remarks you can think of to make are hurting other people, hurting yourself, or being sarcastic? Being depressed makes my cynical. Huh.

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 451047)

you're not a bitch either. And you can do a lot of stuff right, like i said.