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Werty 01-19-2020 06:17 PM

hey guys how young is too young to be having to talk your friend out of suicide for about 2 hours

she's okay now but today SUCKED

Swallowtail 02-01-2020 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 602941)
hey guys how young is too young to be having to talk your friend out of suicide for about 2 hours

she's okay now but today SUCKED

hey i am so so sorry for what you’re going through. it’s not ok that you’re having to deal with it on your own at such a young age. suicide is a super heavy topic and it should not be your responsibility to handle your friend, especially when you’re going through a rough time yourself. is there any adult in your life you can trust? an aunt, uncle, teacher, family friend? maybe talk to her parents? also, i don’t check this site that often, but if you want someone to talk to i can give you my instagram or my number

Swallowtail 02-01-2020 03:52 PM

whOOP one of my teachers reported my family to child protective services. i know it probably should’ve happened sooner and i’ve known for years that something was wrong with my home life but now i have to actually come to terms with it. ugh and my school friends are also having rough times so i can’t lean on them and i can’t tell my home friends bc they know my family but don’t know that part of it so it would definitely hurt them to find out. oh well, my brother is going to college next fall so i won’t have to worry abt that and him any more and maybe when both of us are out of the house my parents will think it’s ok to get divorced

Werty 02-02-2020 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 602989)
hey i am so so sorry for what youíre going through. itís not ok that youíre having to deal with it on your own at such a young age. suicide is a super heavy topic and it should not be your responsibility to handle your friend, especially when youíre going through a rough time yourself. is there any adult in your life you can trust? an aunt, uncle, teacher, family friend? maybe talk to her parents? also, i donít check this site that often, but if you want someone to talk to i can give you my instagram or my number

her mom and her grandparents are kinda the problem (she's got a very fractured family). my mom knows about it but there's not much she can do. my friend is doing a little better not but she still sometimes cuts herself. i've been BEGGING her to get therapy (which her mom offered) and she keeps saying "maybe", and when it comes to her, maybe is a hard pass. i love her so much but being her personal therapist and nearly the sole person she relies her problems too (i know the most. she always comes to me) is so hard because now i have two lives in my responsibility.

you got any tips on how to convince her to get therapy? i've already told her it's patient/therapist confidential but she's probably not going to budge.

FrostBittenKitten 02-02-2020 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 602992)
her mom and her grandparents are kinda the problem (she's got a very fractured family). my mom knows about it but there's not much she can do. my friend is doing a little better not but she still sometimes cuts herself. i've been BEGGING her to get therapy (which her mom offered) and she keeps saying "maybe", and when it comes to her, maybe is a hard pass. i love her so much but being her personal therapist and nearly the sole person she relies her problems too (i know the most. she always comes to me) is so hard because now i have two lives in my responsibility.

you got any tips on how to convince her to get therapy? i've already told her it's patient/therapist confidential but she's probably not going to budge.

i know how you feel,, i used to have a friend a lot like yours and for a while i just put up with everything but eventually it all hit a climax and i ended up calling someone who i knew could get in touch with her family (i didn't know her parents like at all),, she ended up going to therapy and stuff

i don't know how you can convince her to go though,, maybe you could suggest she just try it once and if she hates it she doesn't have to go back or you could tell her how you feel, maybe something like "hey, you're my friend and you mean a lot to me, but i feel like you are making me your therapist and i think it would be good for you to talk to a real therapist. they can help you more than i can, and i want you to feel better."

Swallowtail 02-02-2020 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 602992)
her mom and her grandparents are kinda the problem (she's got a very fractured family). my mom knows about it but there's not much she can do. my friend is doing a little better not but she still sometimes cuts herself. i've been BEGGING her to get therapy (which her mom offered) and she keeps saying "maybe", and when it comes to her, maybe is a hard pass. i love her so much but being her personal therapist and nearly the sole person she relies her problems too (i know the most. she always comes to me) is so hard because now i have two lives in my responsibility.

you got any tips on how to convince her to get therapy? i've already told her it's patient/therapist confidential but she's probably not going to budge.

therapy is really tricky because if she really doesn’t want to go, then it definitely will not work. however, it might help to try and get an answer out of her as to why exactly she doesn’t want to go to therapy. if it’s that she’s afraid to ask or afraid that people will think of her weirdly or pityingly for going, you can assure her that plenty of people go and that plenty of perfectly mentally healthy people go just because it can be nice. if it’s that she’s afraid of being a burden, you can tell her that her mother already offered it, or if that’s still too much, you can point her towards hotlines (741-741 is a pretty good 100% confidential texting hotline, it’s also perfectly free.) if she just doesn’t like the impersonal aspect of therapy (this is where i stand) you should encourage her to find an adult that she can slowly start opening up to. if she’s afraid that a therapist might end up reporting her to her parents or something (if a therapist thinks you might hurt yourself or others and you’re under 18 they legally have to tell someone) you can again point her towards hotlines, which do NOT have to call the police, child protective services, or your parents. she can use hotlines to talk about the self harm and anything else and then she can use therapy to talk about the reason for self harm with someone she can build a relationship with. the important thing is that you (gently) let her know that she can’t continue using you as her sole resource

Swallowtail 02-02-2020 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 602992)
her mom and her grandparents are kinda the problem (she's got a very fractured family). my mom knows about it but there's not much she can do. my friend is doing a little better not but she still sometimes cuts herself. i've been BEGGING her to get therapy (which her mom offered) and she keeps saying "maybe", and when it comes to her, maybe is a hard pass. i love her so much but being her personal therapist and nearly the sole person she relies her problems too (i know the most. she always comes to me) is so hard because now i have two lives in my responsibility.

you got any tips on how to convince her to get therapy? i've already told her it's patient/therapist confidential but she's probably not going to budge.

you could also tell her that while you’re happy being a comfort person for her you can’t be a vent person for her. tell her that when she’s sad she can hang out with you and you can watch terrible shows or cook or just keep each other company, but you don’t always want her to tell you exactly what’s wrong. i have a lot of friends who have issues with self harm, and generally the arrangement i have with them is if they are having a hard time and want to hurt themselves they can always come sit in my room and i’ll make them tea and we can watch the office or brooklyn 99 as i do my homework. it’s nice to have someone who understands that you’re sad and will support you through it, but you can 100% do that without exhausting yourself

Werty 02-03-2020 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 602997)
you could also tell her that while youíre happy being a comfort person for her you canít be a vent person for her. tell her that when sheís sad she can hang out with you and you can watch terrible shows or cook or just keep each other company, but you donít always want her to tell you exactly whatís wrong. i have a lot of friends who have issues with self harm, and generally the arrangement i have with them is if they are having a hard time and want to hurt themselves they can always come sit in my room and iíll make them tea and we can watch the office or brooklyn 99 as i do my homework. itís nice to have someone who understands that youíre sad and will support you through it, but you can 100% do that without exhausting yourself

we can't really go over to see each other though-- we both still live at home and nowhere near each other.

i'll say something else later i have to go nOW

Werty 02-03-2020 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swallowtail (Post 602996)
therapy is really tricky because if she really doesnít want to go, then it definitely will not work. however, it might help to try and get an answer out of her as to why exactly she doesnít want to go to therapy. if itís that sheís afraid to ask or afraid that people will think of her weirdly or pityingly for going, you can assure her that plenty of people go and that plenty of perfectly mentally healthy people go just because it can be nice. if itís that sheís afraid of being a burden, you can tell her that her mother already offered it, or if thatís still too much, you can point her towards hotlines (741-741 is a pretty good 100% confidential texting hotline, itís also perfectly free.) if she just doesnít like the impersonal aspect of therapy (this is where i stand) you should encourage her to find an adult that she can slowly start opening up to. if sheís afraid that a therapist might end up reporting her to her parents or something (if a therapist thinks you might hurt yourself or others and youíre under 18 they legally have to tell someone) you can again point her towards hotlines, which do NOT have to call the police, child protective services, or your parents. she can use hotlines to talk about the self harm and anything else and then she can use therapy to talk about the reason for self harm with someone she can build a relationship with. the important thing is that you (gently) let her know that she canít continue using you as her sole resource

her mother has access to her phone and everyone she texts, so a texline isn't an option. but thanks for the ohter stuff.

Swallowtail 02-03-2020 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Werty (Post 603000)
we can't really go over to see each other though-- we both still live at home and nowhere near each other.

i'll say something else later i have to go nOW

itís not the same but you can put her on facetime and just hang out in your respective rooms. best of luck with this whole situation


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