Originally Posted by Sandy
(Post 258814)
The world looks different since I've been fighting with an eating disorder and an anxiety disorder. They're undiagnosed because I haven't been to a M.D. since I was six, but really, it's hard to be blind to them. I've been crying and fighting against food, not really sure why, and now my parents have noticed and they're doing all that they can to make my relationship with food healthy... After hearing me hit my fists against the wall of my room and walking in and seeing the lamp ripped out of its place and the books scattered across the floor, my mom has forbidden me to stay home and threatened to get me with a doctor, the third time she's threatened and not done it... my dad has offered antidepressants to me twice, but she's always stepped in and said no. I personally don't want them, but my anger management is not what it used to be and is quickly going down the toilet.
But what really troubled me was when I laid down again... I could have sworn that my dad's hand was pressing against my ribs, even though he was CLEARLY not in the room and would never do that anyways... but it was like the hand was trying to force me into the bed, so I tried to shake it off... and then I heard little girls, about four years old, LAUGHING in my head. And... I was confused at first, not really alarmed as much as I was annoyed because they were laughing at ME... They laughed for a couple of seconds, and then they said some things to me, and a man came in their little trio and said some things to me too, but now I can't remember what they are, apart from how one girl said quite clearly "dangerous times." Now the troubling part is that these were NOT MY THOUGHTS, and made absolutely no sense out of context... but they were clear, like I was hearing them with my ears, but it came from inside MY HEAD. I don't know how I should interpret these... dismiss them? I don't want medication, but if those are really the cure... I don't know. I never liked the idea of taking medication that would make you slow down and get fat and feel numb, but... :^I
Right after I thought I saw a huge brown hell-dog watching me in the neighbour's yard, but I went back and I couldn't find it... there was just a railing and it didn't seem like something I could have mistaken for a dog...
This wouldn't be the first time that I've heard voices... I remember when my dog escaped from our backyard (little silly that she is... -___-) and this voice, totally separate from my scattered thoughts as I stood outside, swooped in and said in a very calm, air-like tone, "Don't panic. She's right there." And then my mom found her in a yard down the laneway... <_<
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