Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371709)

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371622)

Buckle in, guise, and prepare yourself for one of Sandy's rants. ._.



I don't know if it's the insane amount of coffee I've been consuming--probably is--but I've been feeling so weird lately. I feel like it's something I should be trying to express with music or art or anything, anything but words, because it's so... god. It's so hard to describe/reach, and it's so fleeting, but it's something that's been bothering me nonetheless. It's like caught between nostalgia, frustration, confusion, apathy... huh. It's so very strange.
Here goes my best shot...
I've been overthinking things--as usual--and that leads to all sorts of strange thoughts. Plus, it's winter, and all sorts of weird things happen in my brain during winter... I'm living in the future. Which is always much better than living in the past, I mean, but it makes the things around me so difficult to understand. Most of my thoughts have to do with the fact that I'm in high school... I feel like I should be an adult by now, but my mind knows that this is not true. For the first time, I'm truly caught in the rift between childhood and adulthood--at least, my mind is. I feel like I should have a boyfriend, or a crush, or SOMETHING, but a part of me feels like I'm not ready, another part feels like I wouldn't have time for them, another part just doesn't care. I feel like I should be... I don't know. I feel like I've already broken the childish need for parents to be around, so naturally I suppose it's going to be awkward living in the same house for the next couple years. I guess I'm just anxious for my life to begin, but at the same time there are parts that I don't want to get into, like relationships and stuff... yeah.
I don't want to live on this side of life anymore--does that make sense? It's got absolutely nothing to do with suicide, that phase is long gone, thank freaking god. I want to abandon this physical world where my mind has kept control of me for so long (I am extremely pragmatic and logical by personality), dig into the ground, and keep going until I get to the other side of life, the one that's full of meaning and that euphoric bliss that you get sometimes when something amazing happens. But to do that, or even to experience that I suppose I have to find something of meaning in life, which isn't going to happen. :I So instead I'm going to sit here and let the time rush by me, WAITING for something to change. :/ When is life supposed to truly begin?

This is going to be one of those days where I don't put anything in my mouth expect for some bread at breakfast and then just coffee for the rest of the day until I go to bed... ._. I feel dead, but not in a sad way. Just dead... no emotion to the word. Dead or dying. "Lingering."

(*takes sip of coffee*)
I need a workout.
Pretty sure that's not gonna happen either.
._.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzGgX1DihPw

Originally Posted by maxi (Post 371714)

FFFFF--What the heck happened?

Originally Posted by TheAshWolf (Post 371715)

Well that doesn't sound good. o__o You alright, Cass?

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371738)

My parents are disconnecting from us (me and my brother).
I hesitate to put it on the internet, but really, I don't care. Everyone in the city already knows so what the heck. ._.
Ash, it's basically a repeat of what I emailed you about. My parents think that me and my brother are already off at college or something and they're going out and getting drunk out of their minds. They come home with their friends at ungodly hours in the morning, hooting and screaming and swearing about how they got chased home by the cops or some stupid crap.
My dad is okay, it's my mom that is ticking me off the most. In my mind, she has no dignity. She's addicted to her phone and texting when she's SOBER and she just can't seem to NOT send all her friends disgusting pictures and texts and whatever the hell else she's doing when she's drunk. It really makes me wonder why I bother being such a good kid, not doing stupid stuff.
Tears... no... go away... okay, it's all good.
I can see it right now. This is going to keep happening until I finally leave, and god, I wish I could bring my brother with me. My mom reminds me of Nicki Minaj (no offense to any Nicki fans on KP). At least this time they weren't screaming about divorce.
After listening to them scream and hoot and whoop for an hour, (it was 1:28 am... last time it was like 4 in the morning...) I heard my brother get out of bed and holler at them to be quiet, and that did it. I flew out of bed and screamed at them about two hundred times louder than my brother to shut the hell up, that it was one in the morning and that I didn't care what they were doing as long as they shut up about it. My mom just laughed at me, which is nothing new, I expected it. My dad said they would be quiet, but about five minutes later I had to get back up and loudly remind them it was still one in the morning when they started blasting music.
It really makes me think of the rant you posted earlier, Ash--as time goes on, I feel like I can relate more and more. There's just emptiness where love used to be. I used to feel like my entire world would come crashing down if she died/left. Key words: used to.
I have no respect for them. Just coldness.
On another note, I feel a little bit better because I haven't done anything self destructive other than losing my appetite and staying in my room for 15 hours, drawing, writing, anything.



Tsk.

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371738)

My parents are disconnecting from us (me and my brother).
I hesitate to put it on the internet, but really, I don't care. Everyone in the city already knows so what the heck. ._.
Ash, it's basically a repeat of what I emailed you about. My parents think that me and my brother are already off at college or something and they're going out and getting drunk out of their minds. They come home with their friends at ungodly hours in the morning, hooting and screaming and swearing about how they got chased home by the cops or some stupid crap.
My dad is okay, it's my mom that is ticking me off the most. In my mind, she has no dignity. She's addicted to her phone and texting when she's SOBER and she just can't seem to NOT send all her friends disgusting pictures and texts and whatever the hell else she's doing when she's drunk. It really makes me wonder why I bother being such a good kid, not doing stupid stuff.
Tears... no... go away... okay, it's all good.
I can see it right now. This is going to keep happening until I finally leave, and god, I wish I could bring my brother with me. My mom reminds me of Nicki Minaj (no offense to any Nicki fans on KP). At least this time they weren't screaming about divorce.
After listening to them scream and hoot and whoop for an hour, (it was 1:28 am... last time it was like 4 in the morning...) I heard my brother get out of bed and holler at them to be quiet, and that did it. I flew out of bed and screamed at them about two hundred times louder than my brother to shut the hell up, that it was one in the morning and that I didn't care what they were doing as long as they shut up about it. My mom just laughed at me, which is nothing new, I expected it. My dad said they would be quiet, but about five minutes later I had to get back up and loudly remind them it was still one in the morning when they started blasting music.
It really makes me think of the rant you posted earlier, Ash--as time goes on, I feel like I can relate more and more. There's just emptiness where love used to be. I used to feel like my entire world would come crashing down if she died/left. Key words: used to.
I have no respect for them. Just coldness.
On another note, I feel a little bit better because I haven't done anything self destructive other than losing my appetite and staying in my room for 15 hours, drawing, writing, anything.



Tsk.

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 371387)

And to think I wished to gone submitted into the choir just to go to Vienna.


Yay!



I know that feeling. My parents don't care whether I'm atheist or deist or whatever, they are atheists too, but I had a teacher in primary school--she was luckily, a sub--who tried to make me believe in God -_-
We've both got lying, hypocritical dads, then. My dad lets me have my own beliefs, doesn't care about who my friends are, but he lies about the stupidest things that make me very het up for no reason.

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 371857)

So I came here to rant about speech therapy, but there's not much to say.

She is an evil, evil, evil woman. I hate her. She asks me how many friends I have at school. I say four, randomly, although the truth is I am technically friends with like fifteen people at school. She marks four down on her little sheet. She asks me how many friends I had before I started speech therapy.

Four.

She marks that down too.

"Why do you ask?" I ask her. She says, "I just was curious."

"Are you sure that you didn't think I'd not have any friends because I talk funny?" I blurt out.

"No, of course not," she says. As usual, it sounded like she was adding a BUT in her head.

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 371857)

I had a teacher for this one-day-a-week thing that tried to convert us all to perfect little Christians like her. Catholics are evil (considering that my church is the closest church to catholic out there, I assume this means we are also evil), Muslims are all out to destroy the world, and we aren't all allowed into heaven because God's too holy to share his place with sinners.

Isn't that, like, exactly what the pharasies were yelling at Jesus for doing? Going into the homes of sinners and *gasp* talking to them? Because he should have been too holy?

Anyway, she was a pain to live with for one day a week. I'm glad I'm rid of her. And... yeah.

...

So I came here to rant about speech therapy, but there's not much to say.

She is an evil, evil, evil woman. I hate her. She asks me how many friends I have at school. I say four, randomly, although the truth is I am technically friends with like fifteen people at school. She marks four down on her little sheet. She asks me how many friends I had before I started speech therapy.

Four.

She marks that down too.

"Why do you ask?" I ask her. She says, "I just was curious."

"Are you sure that you didn't think I'd not have any friends because I talk funny?" I blurt out.

"No, of course not," she says. As usual, it sounded like she was adding a BUT in her head.

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 371738)

My parents are disconnecting from us (me and my brother).
I hesitate to put it on the internet, but really, I don't care. Everyone in the city already knows so what the heck. ._.
Ash, it's basically a repeat of what I emailed you about. My parents think that me and my brother are already off at college or something and they're going out and getting drunk out of their minds. They come home with their friends at ungodly hours in the morning, hooting and screaming and swearing about how they got chased home by the cops or some stupid crap.
My dad is okay, it's my mom that is ticking me off the most. In my mind, she has no dignity. She's addicted to her phone and texting when she's SOBER and she just can't seem to NOT send all her friends disgusting pictures and texts and whatever the hell else she's doing when she's drunk. It really makes me wonder why I bother being such a good kid, not doing stupid stuff.
Tears... no... go away... okay, it's all good.
I can see it right now. This is going to keep happening until I finally leave, and god, I wish I could bring my brother with me. My mom reminds me of Nicki Minaj (no offense to any Nicki fans on KP). At least this time they weren't screaming about divorce.
After listening to them scream and hoot and whoop for an hour, (it was 1:28 am... last time it was like 4 in the morning...) I heard my brother get out of bed and holler at them to be quiet, and that did it. I flew out of bed and screamed at them about two hundred times louder than my brother to shut the hell up, that it was one in the morning and that I didn't care what they were doing as long as they shut up about it. My mom just laughed at me, which is nothing new, I expected it. My dad said they would be quiet, but about five minutes later I had to get back up and loudly remind them it was still one in the morning when they started blasting music.
It really makes me think of the rant you posted earlier, Ash--as time goes on, I feel like I can relate more and more. There's just emptiness where love used to be. I used to feel like my entire world would come crashing down if she died/left. Key words: used to.
I have no respect for them. Just coldness.
On another note, I feel a little bit better because I haven't done anything self destructive other than losing my appetite and staying in my room for 15 hours, drawing, writing, anything.



Tsk.