*hugs* hey dude if you ever need to vent i'm here.

I have a cut on the bottom of my tongue from it flicking against my teeth when I cough

and it really freaking hurts

and if I still have this stupid flu by Christmas I will flip a freaking table

holy fuck all my friends are such fucking great people who deserve literally all the good things in the world i cry so much about this you have no idea

ugh i sound so clingy but its because i am but anyway my best friend is gone for like a week on vacation and like what am i supposed to do with my life rn im so lonely and bored and sad i miss her so much gah

This is probably going to be really long so if you stick with me until the end I apologize.

On Saturday, my father went to see his mother with his three other siblings. They wanted to talk with her about things about her will and problems that she's been having. Her husband (my grandfather, my dad's dad) died when my dad was a teenager. Ever since she's been (in a very small nutshell) crazy. Now, she's getting quite old, and starting to have memory loss, and things like that. We used to go over to her house the day after Christmas with that whole side of my family. It was great, we'd play Scrabble every year and exchange gifts and things. Two years ago she told us that she didn't want to do it. Fine. She's getting older, she may just not want to do it anymore because of that. Before this happened, she actually had a relationship with all of her grandchildren. We would have sleepovers at her house, and play with toys and stuff. But every year she started to care less and less about us. I went to her house with my dad and brother about two years ago and she did not say one word to me.
We're all very close on the other side of my family, and I always thought that kind of made up for my dad's family (there's many other issues besides my grandmother. For example the aunt that I had a best friend relationship with, that never speaks to me anymore). But that shouldn't be the case. I am lucky enough to have two whole families. I should be able to know that they both love me.
But anyway, it's just kind of scary now. She's somewhat unstable, and is having more and more issues. My dad always says, "You can't miss what you never had". Which is true, but we did have something. We were actually maintaining a nice relationship with her. It's just scary to think that that woman that I wanted to sleepover with and play with, doesn't even care about me anymore.
I just don't really know what to think anymore.

Aww, I'm sorry. I kind of know how you feel, because I had three grandmas, my mom's mom, my dad's mom, and my dad's step mom.
I don't remember when my dad's mom did stuff with us. My memories of her was when she was in a nursing home, so she was different and just kinda sat there the whole time and smiled and talked with just my dad when we visited. But she's died now so no seeing her.
Then my dad's step mom really was busy doing stuff with all us kids and at family gatherings she would pay attention to us and play games with us instead of just talking with the adults and letting the kids do stuff by themselves. So when she died it was soooo sad. I still miss her, and get sad when I think about her.
And my mom's mom, even just a few year ago, she was still busy doing things and getting around and sewing clothes and was fine by herself. But now she's had a lot of health problems and is not fine by herself. We had to move her into a retirement home, she walks with a walker, and is just so different. I mean she still knows who we are, but she isn't the same.
So it's hard and I know how you're feeling. *hugs*

I thought you already had?

Thanks. *hugs back*
Sorry you had to go through that.
I really don't know what's going to happen at this point.

hahahaha crying alone on christmas eve a novel by me
arguing with your parents on christmas eve the stunning prequel
i really fucking hope i die the sequel and end of the series

*hugs* heyyy ily
do you want to get on gmail chat or something?