Oh, and about Charlie: In my opinion, that's totally okay. He's your character; you created him to be the perfect friend for Amber. And you know you love your book and the characters in it when you want to hang out with them. I know I've wished that I could create the perfect best friend, throw in all the traits I want and leave out the bad ones. Life would be so simple, and less lonely, wouldn't it?

Ecstatic
 

I feel really proud of my current book. I think that it's going to end well. :^B

*high fives* Yes, yes it shall. ^.^

Excited, Happy, Eager, etc.
 

I really like "See You Soon", now that I put it on video and everything. I'm hoping to come up with the piano music soon. :D Usually, I sound HORRIBLE on video; it makes my voice sound really weird, talking or singing. But I would feel really good about sending that in. ^.^

The only thing I'm semi-meh about is the fact that if I made it, me and Mom would have to move to L.A for three/four months. I would like to go to the Open Call in L.A, but I don't want to put too much stress on Mom. I mean, I think Mom is more excited than I am, but I don't know. It'd be a dream come true, but for some reason I think my friends would get mad if I told them I was moving. O_O I know, I'm weird. I come up with "What Ifs" as my preacher would say, and that's what stops me from doing alot of things I love. But not anymore. I am not going to let myself fade into the background any more. This is my turn; my chance. Hey...that would make a good song! XD

I kinda regret wanting to audition for Season 3, because that's SO. FAR. AWAY. Plus, I don't really want my Freshman year of highschool to be in L.A......even if I could take online classes.

I don't know why I'm writing this....*fades away*

Ash, you're lonely.
You want a friend.
Not an Internet friend, or your father, or an adult friend, you want a friend your age that you can talk to and trust.
This is a bit farfetched, but I think your subconscious wants a boyfriend.
Or a friend-friend.

Thanks, Leloo... <:^J That actually helped me. I AM exhausted. And you're right; forcing it will impact my writing. I'm going to just relax for a few days. (Y'know, despite all the cleaning and cooking I hate to do. XD It's not optional. I don't have siblings in my house to pass the buck to, unfortunately.)

0_0 That makes sense.....heh, yeah, I'd love to be able to conjure up a friend like I conjure up characters. XD

Yeah, I think that's a large part of it, too...older friends are nice, but sometimes you just need to have someone your own age who's going through the same things you are. I mean, my older friends give me comfort and advice, but so much of it just doesn't help me because the world has changed since they were my age.

...o_o *blinks* .................... I sure hope not. *nervous lol* <:^D My subconscious is already messed up. The last thing I need is it pushing me towards that. *thinks for a moment* I've always been a lot farther ahead in maturity than most people my age...O_O and I'm not trying the brag; I'm just stating the obvious. I learned how to deal with death waaaay before most little kids do. I read books that were way beyond my reading level, which must've impacted my view on the world. And I have to admit, I often wish I wasn't so mature. I miss being an ignorant kid. But.....but even with my weird subconscious and crazy maturity level, I couldn't be wanting a boyfriend already. I'm too young. Way too young. It's just....no. I can't. e_o

Friend-friend? o_O Mind defining that for me? XD *le stupid moi*

You just need a friend that you can talk to, I suppose.

Meh. You just need a friend that is not on the computer. Go be social! GOOO! GOOO

But I only know two people I could be close friends with! x_x One keeps blowing me off for this other girl...and we're practically polar opposites. And the other girl is only 12, but she's really mature for her age...meh, I don't know. She DOES like the Hunger Games...and we have a lot in common...I just don't see her all that much.

I know how you feel. And I'm sorry that there's someone in the world--you--who is experiencing this. I really, truely am. I'm so sorry, Ash. You can't distract yourself anymore, can you? That's how it felt when I was going through that, at any rate. Just...alone.

I agree with Camille. You need to make some not-Internet friends. It's hard when you don't go to a public school or whatever, or don't go to a youth group, or don't participate in sports. Just search around a be a part of ANYTHING you find vaguely interesting. Join a club. Take a group lesson. Go to a summer camp. Just hang out with some people your age, and be yourself, because you're amazing. And don't worry about wanting to hang out with Charlie. Psychologically, it makes sense, though I do worry when I talk to my characters in my head because a therapist I went to, like, once, said that that was really abnormal. Meh. Screw them xD I don't need a doctorate to say that you're fine. You're stressed and alone, so you turn to the one entity/persona that you've developed and created until they're as real as anyone else. If it makes you feel better, who cares?

I'd also like to say that when I was alone, I considered suicide seriously. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES I DID. The only thing that saved me was Christ Jesus. Oh God...that was such a scary time. But now...I can never feel alone, knowing that there was Someone who thought I was worth dying for and who was nailed to a hunk of wood to bleed to death just because He thought I was worth His love. Praying for you :D Always

Ash, I have no idea. I can't resolve anything but my own problems, and I cannot even do that. Follow the good advice of other people, not the destructive advice of me.

Thanks, Sadie...that made me feel a bit better. <:^J (Though I'm not amazing. o_O) It's good to know I have Dr. Wolf's Seal of Approval when it comes to my sanity. XD I do tend to talk to my characters in my head, though I try not to since it IS a bit strange--even for me. o_e

Don't worry, I already considered suicide when I was in 3rd grade and realized how ridiculous it is. *waves dismissively* Besides, it's hard trying to find a painless method. Knife hurts, drowning hurts, jumping off a bridge hurts, drinking bleach hurts......O_O Okay, that came out a lot more morbid than I intended. XD

Yeah, I know God and his son love me...I can't really figure out why, but according to many of the public discourses at this year's convention, they apparently don't think I'm as worthless as I feel...so... ^_^ It's comforting. Now if I could just get back in the field ministry more often, (darn you, desert heat...>_> and my numerous health/self-confidence/trust issues) I know I'd feel a million times better.

Thanks, hon...^_^ For everything. I WILL try to get out more and make some friends this summer.

Ohhh Ash!!! I hope you feel better soon, I hate it when my friends (even though I've only known you for like a week) feel bad. Take leloo's advice. Just relax, drink milkshakes and watch the legend of Korra. I will try and comfort you the best I can. :) *Reaches out and pats you on the shoulder* I hope soon you feel stress free!

(Oh, and if you want a laugh, type 'smosh' into youtube. I just have to warn you though, and this will probably probably turn you off it, but I has some cussing even though it's bleeped out. It's really funny though. If you have the time and you feel like you should watch it :D)
Hope you feel better soooooooooooon!

I feel like that too. One day it's gone and then it comes back again. It comes and goes on a very even basis, and it's infuriating.

Don't bother with the first. I've been there, it doesn't work.
The second girl sounds like someone you'd like. Try to set up stuff, instead of just randomly meeting.
Age doesn't matter as long as the gap isn't huge, like with an adult or your dad.
That reminds me, does your Dad watch How I Met Your Mother? There's this thing on the channel they air it on where if you send in pictures of you and your dad they'll show it during How I Met Your Mother on Father's Day. :3

Nah. He used to watch it with me every now and then, but now he doesn't. XD And I doubt he'd want his picture on TV.

Ash. You are awesome, and that is coming from someone who doesn't even know you. So how about you go out into the world and be who you are, the writer, the dreamer, the fun-lover. Just do it. And then people will love you. Don't shrink back. Embrace yourself.

Emotion: Pretty happeh, I s'pose. :^3
 

I found out yesterday that I don't have to get cataract surgery. I probably will in the future, but for now, I'm totally fine. And I even got some pretty neat-looking glasses to help clear up my vision. So it's all good. For now. I guess. :^3

:'^3 We need more Brees, and less Jenna Marbleses. -_-

Awwwww...that's good! I'm glad you're okay. :D And glasses are nice, except when I wear them they always fall off my nose. >.>

Does it annoy you when people were glasses with no frames?

Uh... I don't think I've ever seen that. Unless you're talking about contacts. Or a monocle. :^P Do you mean glasses with no lenses? Like fake hipster glasses or something? Those are more strange than annoying. :^3

Lonely
 

Y'all can ignore this as well, it's just old thoughts that have been lingering.

I miss some of my old friends on here, but no use in whining, it won't change anything. I just left for a while and came back and none of them were on any more, and I'm not very good at making friends on the internet. So.. yeah, those are my emotions at the moment.

Oh... *facepalm* I meant lenses. My bad...XD

:D Happy
I went on my 1 mile run today, and I only stopped ONCE. And then, I sprinted the last five yards and felt really good. And after, I felt so so so amazing. :DDDD

In a daze...
 

I just finished watching the first (and unfortunately ONKY) season of Little White Lie... ohmygod... so good...

Sometimes I get really upset over how if I suddenly disappeared no one would even care, no one would even notice, EXACTLY like in the song "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park... it's so familiar, I think I teared up when I listened to it for the first time... as soon as I heard the first words, it hit me, but I'm pretty sure everyone feels like this. :/

(*turns towards you, anticipating a business deal*)
Hohoho, my friend, it be a mighty fine watch. You want to be in on this deal, brutha. Trust me, I'm kind of this hood. I know me some good watches.

About the numbness... you should be careful. Don't think about doing anything ridonkeylous like I did as a desperate way out of your numbness. What you described up there sounds unsettlingly familiar of what was going through my mind before the sirens and alarms started going off... be careful, Ash. Don't make me worry about you! >_< D:
I used to get lonesome all the time until I actually went out into the world and realized that no one could amuse me as much as I amused myself ohgodthatsoundsweird, but it's true.
Your mental relationship with Char is completely normal, and pretty cute actually (I'm smiling right now... Aww, Char, always there for everyone >w<). To be completely honest with you, I noticed something very peculiar when I first started to read WOT... Amber sounded a lot like you, not only similar in circumstance (what happened to her parents) but in personality... I could imagine that Amber's occasional bitter moments would very much resemble yours, along with her sense of humour, and of course, there are the physical resemblances as well. I think this is the first time I ever told you this but from the very beginning of the prologue, I couldn't help but wonder if this was a manifestation of you and your conscience. If so, then that would give us a little bit of a lead as to why you find comfort in Charlie.
Now, I'm not pairing you guys, as that would be ridiculous, nor am I saying anything about boyfriends, so don't get me wrong, okay? <:^J I did this exact same thing with my very first big book... I was new to writing and I needed to find a way into my story to be able to truly write about it... so I became Chelsie Davidson, a blond-haired, green-eyed spunky girl in grade six who was being fancied by a handsome Sam McGuin, who not only had great hair but wings just like in Maximum Ride. This was the manifestation of the peer pressure for "boyfriends" that I was experiencing, and the adventures Chelsie experienced were reflections of how utterly bored I was with my life.
I would always imagine Sam with me, and I remember I had one dream where we flew together. Even for Vladimir's Mansion, the main character and I had to share SOMETHING, thus, Sarah's green eyes; the only thing that sealed the rift between Centrumarida and I.
If this is what's confusing you, don't worry about it... it'll eventually fade and pass as you become more comfortable with yourself. Mine started to go away a good two years ago when I stopped taking a daydreamy and childish approach to writing and drawing and really cracked down on reality... my drawings were not "real," nor will they ever be "real."
:/
Ramble, sorry... I have this weird issue where I need to bounce my thought processes off of something, anything, for them to be cemented and viewed as legitimate in my mind. -_- Sorry.

That... is so true.

Jean: I kind of know how you feel... I was an idiot as a newbie. I chased off Sagar and RosiePie. I just want to relive those days, change the way I acted. :/

From the posts from RosiePie that I see on the Girly Thread, she doesn't seem like someone that I'd want to stay.

e_e Meh. I agree. She seems like the sort of person I would get into arguments with.

UGH NO I'M SO ANGRY.
There's a freaking storm hitting and it's freaking thundering and there's a tornado watch so they CANCELLED THE FUDGING DANCE. D; I was fudging looking forward to it... D:<

Emotion: Extremely, extremely, EXTREMELY angsty. Angst levels are... OVER NINE THOUSAND

But then again I guess that's what Three Days Grace can do to a person. <:^D

Three Days Grace is AWESHUM. >:^D And yes, they're very angst-y. Though I prefer Breaking Benjamin over them most of the time.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf...foyoo1_400.gif

That looks like a puppet from Potter Puppet Pals. :D

It is. Wizard Angst. :p

D: That's no good! LISTEN TO TEH WEIRDNESS OF YOUTUBE AND BE HAPPEH. 8D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBpSWS31xYs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm-7eUNTxg8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUz1ZI-w6LQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaaIj...eature=related

BTW, you haz mail.

Meh, faults on both sides. But candidly, we could have been good friends if I hadn't been such a frickin idiot. :^\

Ello! We didn't talk much, I thinkkkkk. Were you in the old spy thingmajig NES with mar and wildwolf?

She can actually be really nice :)

Remember Everything is the only song I've listened to.
You are awesome. Because of you, I have discovered the epikness of Egypt Central :D I mostly listen to Enemy Inside or Liar, if I'm not listening to Sick Puppies.

XD I'm so excited! My birthday is tomorrow! (It's my last day as a kid, tomorrow I turn 13) I just got an i-phone 4 and it's super amazing. :D Yaaay!