OWEN PLEASE NO! (*hugs*) Look, I know we don't talk, and I don't know you very well, but, I want you to listen to me, okay? Things WILL get better. Feelings and situations come and go. Just wait it out, and things will change, and you'll feel better. <:^J I know that probably sounds impossible, but, it's not, I promise.

MURICA
hey hey bitch
i will fuckin get on skype and yell at you for an hour (verbally and textually) about how fucking fabulous you are and how you should continue living and spreading badassery
don't u dare fuckin kill yourself
SAME FOR YOU

nah, i actually suck... a lot. i'd just waste my life away anyway. like tbh i just piss everyone around me off and make them so angry and i can't even stop that bc i'm a piece of shit

It would be no easier. It would leave a load of chaos behind, though I suppose it would be easier for you. But that is not the right way to think of things. In a number of years, depending on your age, you'll be able to get away from whatever problems you have now :) you'll be able to do whatever you want, whether it be travel the world or just settle down somewhere. If you end it now, there's countless encounters you'll be cutting off, meaning both new experiences and new people. Whatever problems you had at the age you are right now you'll have probably already forgotten. There's still hope, and it's that gateway from childhood to adulthood. It will be like going through hell to get there, but in the end, won't it be worth it? You have a chance to start over and fix things and just get away, and all you have to do is wait a little longer. Believe me, time will pass faster as you get older, so you'll be there in no time. But for the time being, please make an attempt to stay strong and if you ever need to talk, just remember you have all of us :) *hugs*

tw for anxiety, paranoia, suicide implication, and mention of disassociation i guess.

i may or may not have been followed home and now im REALLY paranoid. like usually im already paranoid that theres cameras in my room but now its just worse now im paranoid that someone is going to do legitimate harm to me or my family and im paranoid that they drove and followed me and my best friend all the way to her house. im paranoid that im being watched and it SUCKS so much because i dont know if its a reasonable fear or if its just me being paranoid. i cant tell the difference anymore, except the worse its gotten is when i ended a close online friendship because i thought they were going to kill me even though i had no reason to. the line betweem paranoid and reasonable is so blurred for me that i cant tell anymore.

also i had bad dream like a month ago and now i feel ashamed all the time. thats fun.

oh yeah. youth group? fuck i went to the place but i couldnt go through with it on thurs because i didnt know anyone and everyone was older and it felt like so many things were going on at once. my dad kept whisper yelling at me for wasting his time and then proceeded to pressure me multiple times into asking the guy at the counter some things even though i told him i needed a minute. in the end we went home and my brother kept making me feel super ashamed of my anxiety surrounding it as if i wasnt already ashamed. its been like three days and my dads still making fun of me for it. its ridiculous how i dont even feel safe in a place literally built for queer people.

i really kind of wish i had just kept walking/stood there when i almost got hit by a car instead of running back to the sidewalk. i dont know if i can live feeling paranoid and anxious and ashamed and insignificant and feeling like nothing is real all the time.

*crosses arms* we've been friends for a while and nope i don't see someone who sucks (except on weekends but even then only for at least five bucks)
no you fuckin won't ok
literally you have never pissed me off

:D
I think I'll do just that. Thanks for the advice. Maybe I'll tell her how I really feel, then decide whatever else judging by her reaction.
She just said something to me the other day that made me feel like crying on the spot. It was so honest.
"I wish we were real sisters, then I could call your parents mine, and you can call my parents your parents. I can finally have a little brother, and you could finally have a big sister. You're a really good friend, Alice. We could hang out everyday, and do our homework together. Wouldn't that be cool?"

it's okay ^-^

okay first of all i'll have to research it more first 'cause like… nah I'm not just gonna change my world view based on one v biased source.
And like… still. Even if like every single detail is right and such, there are still explanations other than God. *shrugs* (which probably sounds like… idk stubborn? But like from my point of view, even just them getting really lucky seems more plausible than everything in the Bible being true.)

idk *shrugs* Just like… grah I can't see myself believing in that. A loving God, maybe, but not the Bible and everything in it.

I feel… I dunno. Right now, I guess I sorta maybe believe in like… there was like a Consciousness that created the universe, leading to the Big Bang and such, and like… that's the reason we're conscious, like various tentacles protruding from that Consciousness giving us like emotions and shit?? idk.
but like Biblical God? idk like… it seems so unbelievable. And like—and I know this isn't what you believe, but a lot of Christians do—if He sends people to Hell? Fuck him, honestly. And maybe just like fuck him in general for letting bad shit happen to everyone.
(wow that was probably really offensive i apologise)
and tbh i feel like most people don't believe in God bc of those listed reasons, but because they were raised to believe?

ahhh today I am feeling… just-woke-up-y. Work still sucks lol and I am possibly getting a third job. Sam… ahh we are just friends now *shrugs*
how are you? ^.^
but like shouldn't they be not terrifying??
mreh like… it's not so much I'm scared it'll hurt too much to live through. But more like what's the point of living through anything if I end up alone?
*hugs* thank you. okay

*awkwardly walks in on conversation*

My suggestion for you would just be to pray. Just for like a week, pray with an open mind and maybe you'll get some answers. Maybe you won't, but it doesn't hurt to try. And God is a really great listener, trust me. It may feel a little silly at first, but what's the worst that can happen? Just remember to keep an open mind to it.
Maybe you'll do it and nothing happens, but at least you tried.

heyyy i usually don't want to get into religious conversations
but in my opinion the bible was written to be pretty poetic
not everything in there is solid hard fact. plus, ppl change their minds about facts as years go on. like ppl used the think the world was flat and the earth was the center of the universe and stuff (i'm bad at making my point but anyway)

like the bible says things about homosexuality being wrong and slavery being acceptable
i don't believe that. i think ppl back when they wrote the bible needed something to believe and a way to get people to follow laws and stuff or something. or that just as time went on people realized that they were wrong before but by then they were like "no we can't change the bible it's holy"

i mean i still believe in the bible but not 100% i think it's more stories and poetic liberty

what i do believe in is a god who listens and loves everyone
again this is all my opinion and stuff
i think that like god loves everyone and he's not going to send you to hell
i think you go to hell if you don't believe in love
not necessarily that you don't believe in god bc he knows that there are a lot of religions and when you get up there you are going to see the god that you believe in from your religion not somebody else's god
or that's what i think
anyway so i think the people that go to hell are the ones who don't believe in love or have done something awful (i.e. murdering someone innocent) and not repented and been truly remorseful
god doesn't just go "you sinned? you don't believe in me? go to hell" i think

also about him letting ppl do terrible things
i think that he gave ppl free will and was like "ok im giving you the choice you can do whatever you want but remember to believe in love and i'll always be here if you need me"
so then when terrible things like murder and terrorist attacks happen
god isn't not being there or letting that happen
those ppl made their choice they chose not to believe in love and hurt others

also if a natural disaster happens i think thats just science and the world not god punishing ppl also natural disasters sometimes help to remind ppl to love each other and help each other and stay human (not that i'm saying they are good just that you can find the good in a bad situation)

idk if you're following me or not

yeah so that's basically what i believe and imo you don't have to believe in the bible to believe in god esp one that loves everyone no matter what
so yeah

sorry about that if anyone is bothered by my views my apologies that's just how i feel
once again i don't usually talk about religion but felt like i should contribute but idk if it was better that i shouldn't have sorry

okay good luck issac i hope everything works out

edit: religious ppl please don't be offended by my lack of capitalization (and grammar people) idk why i just don't capitalize things usually if its important to you that i capitalize words peratining to god (God) i will go back and do so