FUCK HE FUCKING ASKED ME WHAT IT WAS DOING THERE AND IDK I JUST SAID IT FELL OUT and then he asked me if i was self harming again and i said no. shit that was fuckigclose

DUDE IM SoS SORRY ... i want you to get help but not if it means your dad being abusive to you. *hug*

im so upset
i was just trying to help and you broke that promise
why would you do that
you know how much it stresses me out on a regular basis, but i thought you promised
why on earth would you do that

For once I thought that something would go my way, that you were different. And for a while it was great.

But now you've found someone better and you've replaced me. And I can't even begin to describe how much it hurts and how worthless I feel. I'm never good enough for anyone, and I suppose I never will be either.

Excuse me for quoting song lyrics but 'I wish I could wake up amnesia' and forget about you because at least I wouldn't have to get that stab of pain every time I think about you.

Guess what? I just got dumped with fruit juice. At a club I was hanging out with friends and my frienemy, Zach. I danced a bit and he mimicked me (teased). I meant to give him a small nudge in the stomach saying 'please stop'. He held a cup of fruit juice that spilled on him by accident. I quickly said sorry but he thought i did it on purpose (which wasn't true). So he poured the rest of the content on me :(
I said I was sorry but he hasn't said sorry :/
Now what?!

How do I talk to this person. How do I tell him I don't care. I'm over him. I am so incredibly done and over everything to do with him. He's so good and deserves a thousand and one things. But I am not going to be one of those things. And that's obviously not what he wants. But I keep thinking he's out of my life and I'm glad of it, which is so selfish, but now this. He invited me--in fact this is the second email--to his Halloween party. And I don't know how to say no. I'm going to say no of course. But I don't know how to tell him I'm just not interested. Not ever. I don't want to be his girlfriend, I don't want to be his friend. Never out of animosity. But just because I don't want him in my life always with that hanging shadow of "we almost dated. Sorta. Kind of. But if we really did we'd destroy each other and we are just not kindred spirits."

How do you even put that into words that don't hurt someone.

So I survived the first day of school, which included: kicking some grade seven-er in the shin bc he threatened to trip me for no reason, almost slapping my english teacher, and feeling shit about my weight in hpe. Nice

I just ate some nutella off a spoon and now I'm regretting my decisions.

And it was expired oops.

i've had a really bad past two weeks and i'm so close to just losing it and breaking down again and i can feel my control slipping and i just need space to breathe - to breathe and to think. maybe cry, since we all need that sometimes.
but i don't want to lose again, i don't want to slip back into old patterns. i want to make this year good.