My conversation with friends online:

Me: Hey, you there?
Me: yoooooooouuuuuuuuuu thereeeeee
Them: Do you have ____'s username

XD Yes, it's Barrowman. AKA Captain Jack Harkness. Most Whovians love him. I don't. :P

Why would you get bashed? :( We'd never bash you!

Regardless of the fact that stuff is getting better for me, lately, I know EXACTLY how you feel. You're almost ashamed that you share the same bloodline because of their actions. You have a heart attack when something has potential to be a precursor to something bad happening. You don't want to talk to anyone. Escape sounds so good.

It's not wrong to wish for all of that to end. If that means splitting up, then, in your mind, so be it. It would end this nonsense, so of course you want it to happen. It's only natural for your mind to think through situations, even if the instant gratification answer is a bit unfavorable. <:^/

That entire part I italicized is exactly what I went through. According to my dad, those are all signs of feeling hopeless. I know, it's scary, and the apathy covers most of the fear, but it's there. All of that is just your mind desperately trying to protect itself, and the wanting to cling to somebody is your mind trying to repair the damage done and lessen the blow. I know you'd rather be independent (so would I--you can trust yourself, but others can fail you), but...it honestly seems to me that it would be best for you to cling to someone, now, if you have the opportunity to. Over the past eight months of insanity, I would have done ANYTHING to be able to tell someone, anyone, what was happening and accept their help and sympathy, but I just couldn't tell anyone, not because I didn't want to, not because there was no one there, but because I didn't want to embarrass anyone in my family. You don't seem to have that issue (...that came out WAYYY harsher than I intended. D: Please please please don't take it like that, that's not what I meant x_x), so, if you can...try to look around and see who IS there for you, even though your mom isn't. Try to stay close to your brother. Reach out to your friends. You don't have to beg them for a listening ear or anything, or glue yourself to them right away, it can be gradual. (And, you know, I'm always here *raises hand meekly*...even though I'm like, 2,000 miles away, technically. <:^D *nervous smile* So...yeah. x_x)

I know what I'm about to say sounds cheesy, but it's true:
You don't have to feel hopeless, Cass. You're going to get through this. You're going to go back to running a lot and being your normal self. This situation will stay with you, though, but you WILL go back to being relatively normal. But, either way, we all still care about you. Especially me. And I'm sure your brother and dad do, too, even if they don't show it much. <:^J

Sandy, you don't know how much I feel your pain, especially the stuff I italicized.

I know you have that strange feeling of part-apathy, part-fear, part-wanting-to-just-curl-up-and-die. For lack of a better word, it sucks. It just downright sucks. But I know you're stronger than that, and I know that feeling will end eventually. I know you'd never act on that feeling, but, if things start to get really bad again, just try to keep in mind that things WILL get better, and I've been in the same boat and it kills me to see you in it, so I'm more than willing to grab a raft and paddle out to help you however I might be able to. *hugs*

You're an amazing person, Sandy. Don't deny that. You're learning from this whole mess instead of trying to place blame or ignore it. You've been toughing it out for so long. I have no idea where you get this strength from. I just hope you can let go of the insecurities you now have about love and that your heart can accept that it's not like this for all married couples, so, when you get older, you can be happy with someone. <:^/

Crap, I should avoid this thread. Empathising with writing is difficult. I just don't know what to say, aside from 'get over it', which is rude and probably not possible. I feel sorry for all you peoples, but I cannot help. Which makes me angry, and I have a kind of Hulk alter-ego. If anything I cannot tolerate happens, such as people teasing me, bad things happening sometimes, idiosyncrasies being violated, or even people doing things that make me feel uncomfortable, such as my friend refusing to put a guitar down, to irritate me. I tried to hit her with it. I tried to stab another friend with scissors. I'm starting to worry those people could be right about me. Maybe I am dangerous. Maybe I do need to be locked up.

Well, you're not alone. I have a friend who's the same, and it doesn't help that she learns Kung-Fu. A girl's immediately scared of me whenever I glare at her, so I do that just to get a relation out of her. I also have a tendency to pull people's hair, whereas my friend brings her knee up to people's stomachs.

This is really selfish, but I want to be someone's first choice for once.
I have best friends.
They're online, but they're still my best friends.
What makes me feel awful though is that I'm not anyone's best friend. I'm second choice, if I'm lucky.
I don't know. I want to feel important. I want to have a best friend in real life that also considers me his/her best friend, but as of right now, I can only consider people online to be my best friends, and I'm not even theirs and this has been a really annoying, bratty, selfish rant.

Hello again, depression.
Long time no see.
Yay.
-_-

I feel so whiny saying this, but I got a new iPod to replace my old one, which was cracked because it slipped from my hands in Disneyland. I made a backup so my game levels wouldn't be affected, but the backup didn't work so now I have to get all those blades again in Fruit Ninja and play all those levels in Unblock Me. Fifty-something fricking levels.
And I'm finally opening up to poetry again after about half a year, but being really annoyed that my mouse couldn't click the effing 'align to right' button, I pressed 'Ctrl + R' instead, which aligned to right in Word, but not on the Internet. I knew that, but I was so frustrated that I forgot, so I reloaded the whole page and poof! the poem was gone. I know I should've written it in Word, but it somehow doesn't get the same feel.
Maybe I'll try again, but life is just so kind to us, isn't it?

I'm not sure if I have a best friend, or just some very good friends.
/pushes-depression-away.
YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE! /hides-cookies-originally-planned-for-happifulness.

Is this why you were off today?

Exorcizamus te, omnis tristis spiritus,
omnis maesus potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, misellus,
omnis inane, omnis anxietudo et secta maestitia.
Ergo, tristis maledicte.
Garancam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire,
te rogamus, audi nos.

A depression exorcism I wrote/converted from Supernatural. May not work against demons.

Do you want to talk about it?