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A girl claimed that she was depressed yesterday. She laughed a lot that day and smiled aimlessly. That's not what depression looks like. I know. When you're depressed, you're reclusive, exhausted, paranoid, anxious. I haven't gone into a deep spiral, but I think I have reached depression, even if for a short while. I didn't scratch the back of my neck for no reason. I didn't have those thoughts about my own funeral for fun. I just felt hurt when she said that. Offended. It just seemed disrespectful, to say that you're depressed for no apparent reason. Maybe things are bad in her home, but it doesn't sound logical; she's a part of the upper middle class, she only has one brother--I can't see what would've allegedly brought her down. I know I shouldn't be judgmental, but most people wouldn't necessarily think of me last if they were told that there was someone going through depression in the grade: most people know I have a large family with a brother in college; people know we're not rich; people know that I've missed various days of school that my mom calls "Mental Health" days; people know that I know that they hate me; people know that I don't like the way most of my peers act; I'm not looking for a pity party. I just don't appreciate her undermining depression.
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i'm so sorry i wish i could help i'm so sorry i mess up everything i miss you i still can't really believe it i'm sorry
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Guise. For you:
I'm safe Up high No - one can touch me Why do I feel this party's over? |
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*huggles* you don't mess everything up. |
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Hi.
Sorry, EVT... Every night, almost as if on a schedule, I get like this at ten pm, New York time. Every night. I can honestly rely on this feeling to let me know when it's ten o'clock because I'll get so down on myself and it doesn't go away until it passes in about two hours, or until I vent it out. So here goes. No one has to reply to this. This is just a vent, and really has no other function. fat fat fat fat fat... fat. ugy. gross. fugly. you can't dress worth crap, sandy... you let your hair grow too long and your bangs look like crap. your face is fat and you'll never have curves--fat. fat fat fat fat fat. the worst part is that you know no matter how much you work out how little you eat how much you weigh you'll always be fat you'll never get rid of this feeling of worthlessness fat Sandy, fat Sandy, fat Sandy who only weighs 135 lbs and knows that she's really not that fat. that it's not really that bad. that people aren't what they look like; that sandy is not her fat. she is not her diet plan, she is not her exercise regime, she is not her clothing or her weight. she is her anxiety, she is her insecurity, she is her false narcissism and every fear for the future and every regret from her past. she can be anything, but she is not her weight. she knows this. but this doesn't stop me from treating myself like a number or a percentage I feel a little bit better... I guess. |
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She does. But about the family thing: it's not just big families who have problems. I'm middle class and am a single child, but my parents used to argue every night and say they'd divorce. Sometimes they smash things, particularly my dad. Now, things are more subdued, but I don't know... Quote:
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