The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

HeatherB 12-16-2012 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 378460)
Bold 1: I don't know, but I think I never did. It always took me a while to register that I existed.
Bold 2: Hang on to that and work from there. Don't think too badly of that Yourself.
Bold 3: I don't think so. I often do that.

I did at first when everything was simpler but now I can't even think of things about me that are POSITIVE.
....right. but this is the girl who wrote herself a self-hate letter last night and it's the first thing she's written in days and it's not the first self-hate letter she's written herself
Good. Mostly I work on the music. I like the thought of constant music and less boring, sniffly speeches.

HeatherB 12-16-2012 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emaafre (Post 378463)
No... no no no NO. I know you're hurting right now. I know how it feels. But if you're going as far as planning your own funeral... you need to get help. Even though I don't know you, I really care about you. STAY STRONG <3

No. Like, the music. At my funeral.

...I just really want to have good songs when I'm dead.
It doesn't mean I want to be dead.
Quote:

Originally Posted by cheezemziez (Post 378466)
Well the mirror thing, I think, shows that you're not egocentric. And you know how people say that they know their friend better than they know themselves? Talk to your friends in real life, and on KP.
I realize that that's kind of off topic.
But I think it's a part of growing up. Losing sight of who you are a little.

Not really. I do it, sometimes. It doesn't necessarily mean that you subconsciously want to die.

I don't know my friends anymore, really. We're so similar but so different and it's the differences that keep pushing us apart when in the first place it was the similarities that pulled us together.
I hope so.

Good. I'm mainly just putting together the soundtrack.

...that's mainly what my funeral's going to be, I think. A soundtrack of my life.

BlueMi 12-16-2012 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 378433)
So I think I just wrote a whole rant last night about how no one, including myself, could ever love me.

....
I'm pretty sure it's true.

What is it like to look in a mirror and actually know that person reflecting in the glass? What is it like to stop in a moment and think, I am happy? What is it like to know yourself, know where you want to be and what you want to do, know how you feel and look, know how you breathe and live?
I don't know myself.
I think I used to.
But I don't anymore
And I kind of miss knowing me.
I actually wasn't that bad of a person, come to think of it.

...now...
I don't know.
I don't know who I am because I'm just nothing. To myself, anyways. I don't know how I feel about anything. My emotions are a big tangled knot and when a thread finally breaks loose from it, it lashes out at the wrong time, at the wrong people, and it causes hurt, to those people, but also to me. And those people will never know that. I regret almost every word I've said to them.
But I still can't stop my tears.

...on another note.
Is it weird to plan your own funeral?

I feel like such an arsloche (sp? It's in German) right now. My problems go about as deep as appearance. You have let yourself fall so deep into this hole you've dug that you're losing sight of everything, and I've let this happen to you accidentally and I am SO sorry. You're my best friend. It's my JOB to protect you, and I'm horrible at it. Since your parents are dicks, I should help take care of you in a noncreepy way and I'm really sorry Heather.
You know what?
Sometime after school this week, you should come to my house. We can walk to a park, and sit by ourselves, and you can freaking talk. Tell me everything. In person, not a stupid email. And I have more to say but I have to go. Email me. <3 you.

Tiresomehoopla 12-16-2012 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GabiDi (Post 378329)
Haha, what'd they do?

I was playing tag and waiting to ambush someone, and she's there interrogating me, giving away my position... "What are you doing?!" "Why are you scared?" "You ARE scared, you're looking around. What did you do?" "I'll tell." (Just to sum some of her phrases...)

Tiresomehoopla 12-16-2012 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 378468)
I did at first when everything was simpler but now I can't even think of things about me that are POSITIVE.
....right. but this is the girl who wrote herself a self-hate letter last night and it's the first thing she's written in days and it's not the first self-hate letter she's written herself
Good. Mostly I work on the music. I like the thought of constant music and less boring, sniffly speeches.

YOU'RE A MIRACLE!!! YOUR BRAIN IS PROCESSING THE INFORMATION THAT YOU SEE ON THIS SCREEN, AND INTERPRETING IT IN A FEW MILISECONDS AND IT'S SENDING SIGNALS TO YOUR FINGERS GLIDING ACROSS YOUR FREAKING KEYBOARD! YOU HAVE A STOMACH THAT BREAKS DOWN THE FOOD YOU JUST DIGESTED TO USE THEM AS NUTRIENTS AND YOUR LUNGS ARE TAKING IN OXYGEN TO HELP YOU MOVE! YOU'RE PRACTICALLY AN INTRICATE WORK OF LIVING ART! :p

HeatherB 12-16-2012 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiresomehoopla (Post 378507)
YOU'RE A MIRACLE!!! YOUR BRAIN IS PROCESSING THE INFORMATION THAT YOU SEE ON THIS SCREEN, AND INTERPRETING IT IN A FEW MILISECONDS AND IT'S SENDING SIGNALS TO YOUR FINGERS GLIDING ACROSS YOUR FREAKING KEYBOARD! YOU HAVE A STOMACH THAT BREAKS DOWN THE FOOD YOU JUST DIGESTED TO USE THEM AS NUTRIENTS AND YOUR LUNGS ARE TAKING IN OXYGEN TO HELP YOU MOVE! YOU'RE PRACTICALLY AN INTRICATE WORK OF LIVING ART! :p

......just like pretty much everyone else in the world, yes, I am. And unique, too.
Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueMi (Post 378473)
I feel like such an arsloche (sp? It's in German) right now. My problems go about as deep as appearance. You have let yourself fall so deep into this hole you've dug that you're losing sight of everything, and I've let this happen to you accidentally and I am SO sorry. You're my best friend. It's my JOB to protect you, and I'm horrible at it. Since your parents are dicks, I should help take care of you in a noncreepy way and I'm really sorry Heather.
You know what?
Sometime after school this week, you should come to my house. We can walk to a park, and sit by ourselves, and you can freaking talk. Tell me everything. In person, not a stupid email. And I have more to say but I have to go. Email me. <3 you.

(I don't know German don't ask me.) But you let yourself fall, too, honey. 3: I'm sorry too. I didn't know what to think when you were migrating further and further away from me and I'm shit at email confrontations, as I think I've told everyone at least 5 times here, and I just didn't know what to do and so all I did was sit and wait and hope but then I kind of gave up on that and reverted back to thinking that there was something wrong with me. But, apology accepted. How could I not?
We should. But maybe not after school, because my parents don't like that s---. And it's easier for me over email, but... I'll try. We'll see. We'll do something. <3 you too.

nngo 12-16-2012 07:26 PM

I just drew a halfway decent picture. I am currently satisfied.

TheAshWolf 12-16-2012 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 378172)
Ugh, yeah, don't worry about me. <:^j I AM doing better in IB--not perfect, of course--but much better, and I feel like I should be giving you a better inspirational thingy, like you always give me. <:^/ Just ignore me, I'm pretty miserable, with my cold/sickness/whatever, and that day I'd been trapped in my room all day doing homework, and a dash of hormones on the side doesn't help. -___- Sorry about that. But enough about me!
I don't know exactly what's going on with you but whatever it is, you can get through it. (*trying to be a good pep talker*) (Oops... I didn't mean the expectations thing in a bad way, though.. x_x) I don't know much, so all I can say is best of luck dealing with this person. :<
Thanks so much, Ash, for everything, though. <:^j (Haha, every time you respond to one of my rants I'm going to start thinking about HSPs now. XD)

Well, that's better than no improvement at all, right? <:^) O.0 Inspirational thingy? What do you mean by that and why do you feel like you need to give me one...? I just want you to feel better. ;w;

Aaaagghhhh, hormones just make everything SO MUCH MORE FUN, don't they? x_x I hope your cold goes away soon. (And no seizures, now... XD XD DX DX)

O_0 I didn't think you meant it in a bad way, don't worry. ^_^

Sorry to keep you in the dark like this...I WANT to tell you and bunch of other people about it. I want to scream it from the rooftops that this seemingly angelic person is a monster, but I can't. x_x

You're welcome, buddy. <:^J *bear hug* XD You'll think of HSPs? Why? Because I'm one? XD

AlgebraAddict 12-16-2012 07:50 PM

I'm a bad person.

HeatherB 12-16-2012 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 378573)
I'm a bad person.

No, you're not. :c


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