The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

AlgebraAddict 04-25-2013 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruza (Post 453589)
I haven't been on Kidpub in a long time because I've been thinking about a lot of things, mostly my emotions and the world around me.

I've read some of the things on here and I can't say that I'm shocked or disturbed, because I'm not. Unfortunately, a lot of us have found common ground on rather morbid issues; depression, self harm, eating disorders, and other mental problems. Rather sad that people go through that.

I know that my words probably won't mean anything to you, but I just wanted to say that none of you are alone. None of you will ever be alone as long as I'm here. There are over seven billion people on this planet. You're never alone, for anything.

You don't need to cut yourselves or scratch yourselves, or take a flame to your skin. You don't need to, but you do it anyway because you're angry and sad but numb at the same time, and half the time you don't even know why you're doing it anyway. I don't want you to hurt yourselves anymore. I don't ever want to see a cut on anyone's arm ever again. I think you subconsciously know that physical pain doesn't make mental pain go away, but you don't know what else to do. Everyone has their own scars, and you shouldn't be ashamed of your past, but inflicting more and more wounds on yourself will just wear you down to the bone. If I could take away the hurt you're feeling, I would.

I'm watching a lot of you fall into really deep pits of depression, and I don't know what to do to pull you out. Not that my concern would matter, considering I'm an idiot on the internet, but I don't want to watch people just shut down. I've interacted with a lot of you, and I know that you're all strong people. You're all fucking strong and I want you to know that. I want you to know that you're all really brave people and that you can all make it and that if anyone tells you otherwise, you should punch them in the face and then proceed to not give a damn about their opinion. I know what it's like to be sad and empty inside and feel like you're all alone, but you don't deserve to feel that way. I want you to talk to someone and get some sort of help. Sometimes getting help is the bravest thing you can do.

I'm watching a lot of you go hungry, too. Please eat. Forget about those stupid models in the magazines, and stop comparing yourself to other girls and boys you see out in public. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not being skinny, and there's nothing wrong with being naturally slim. So what if you don't have a flat stomach? Who cares if you aren't extremely muscular? That doesn't make you ugly or less of a person. That makes you, you. I think you're an amazing person, because you fucking are. Don't change your appearance to please other people, because you'll never be satisfied (the media is bullshit: completely disregard it).

You are brave, intelligent, clever, and beautiful. Every single one of you. Every member on Kidpub is an amazing person, and none of you deserve the self-hate you are giving yourselves. Just thought I'd inform you of how fucking great you are.




Wow. That pretty much says it all. I love you. You're amazing.

Ruza 04-25-2013 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlgebraAddict (Post 453597)
Wow. That pretty much says it all. I love you. You're amazing.

Just don't give up, okay?

MaryElizabeth 04-25-2013 11:09 PM

I killed my butterflies again. I couldn't even last two days. It;s always those nights before school, when I think of how it's all going to happen again, how I'm going to have to live through it all. The music is helping, but some drugs aren't strong enough. I really did try. But I couldn't do it. I'm a weak victim, like always.

MaryElizabeth 04-25-2013 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pluzzle (Post 453629)
Aw. You're not weak, you're awesome. But don't worry, it will be okay. I wish you the best of luck with school. Don't get infected with unintelligence.

Thanks for the thought.

rebecca 04-26-2013 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 453565)
While having a crush on someone...

It isn't a proper crush. It's a celebrity one. Different story.

LaurenM 04-26-2013 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453623)
I killed my butterflies again. I couldn't even last two days. It;s always those nights before school, when I think of how it's all going to happen again, how I'm going to have to live through it all. The music is helping, but some drugs aren't strong enough. I really did try. But I couldn't do it. I'm a weak victim, like always.

I dread Thursdays all the time, because my art teacher has a serious rivalry against me and I spent my free afternoon of Wednesday procrastinating my homework. Do you have a problem with sleeping? I usually just try to sleep it away, because in the end I usually do manage to finish copying the homework.
ME, you've always struck me as a confident, even arrogant person. Remember the ECC days? I'd much rather you be the old Mary Elizabeth instead of you being sad and self-harming.
Quote:

Originally Posted by rebecca (Post 453705)
It isn't a proper crush. It's a celebrity one. Different story.

Similar.

rebecca 04-26-2013 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 453716)
I dread Thursdays all the time, because my art teacher has a serious rivalry against me and I spent my free afternoon of Wednesday procrastinating my homework. Do you have a problem with sleeping? I usually just try to sleep it away, because in the end I usually do manage to finish copying the homework.
ME, you've always struck me as a confident, even arrogant person. Remember the ECC days? I'd much rather you be the old Mary Elizabeth instead of you being sad and self-harming.

Similar.

Yes, we want MaryElizabeth back...I was tempted to set up a clogger account and be a complete pain in the neck. Just, you know...creepy or what?

MaryElizabeth 04-26-2013 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurenM (Post 453716)
I dread Thursdays all the time, because my art teacher has a serious rivalry against me and I spent my free afternoon of Wednesday procrastinating my homework. Do you have a problem with sleeping? I usually just try to sleep it away, because in the end I usually do manage to finish copying the homework.
ME, you've always struck me as a confident, even arrogant person. Remember the ECC days? I'd much rather you be the old Mary Elizabeth instead of you being sad and self-harming.

Sleep has been inconsistent. There was a streak of nightmares for a bit, but it stopped after three days. Now it's better. Listening to music right before going to bed seems to help.

I want to be that way again too. I still feel like I'm around a bunch of morons, but it's more just that I don't belong anywhere.
Quote:

Originally Posted by rebecca (Post 453719)
Yes, we want MaryElizabeth back...I was tempted to set up a clogger account and be a complete pain in the neck. Just, you know...creepy or what?

Even if you did that, it wouldn't make a difference. I've had too much impatience to even look at the KP Fight History thread.

Thanks, really. You guys saying that you even liked me before my mind went to shit really means something to me.

BearWithAStrawberry 04-26-2013 07:28 PM

Name: Bear

Party Date: Starting tommorow at TBD

Party Title: Bear's Party

Reason: A party in tribute to all things fading, broken, beaten, or sad

Guests: Everyone is invited.


By the Way, this is on my party thread. Oh yes, so vain, that I post on my own thread, not to mention, advertise it. So vain. Anyways, hope to see you there. ugh. i doubt anyone's going to show up.

Yeah.

MaryElizabeth 04-26-2013 10:21 PM

I just keep feeling so shitty. I find myself shaking and taking short breaths when I walk through school. I'm afraid that I'll have more nightmares again. I'm trying to stop cutting. I always say, "This will be the last time." And still I feel like it's not real. That because I've only been depressed for a few months that it's not true. Like I'm cutting to "fit in" with friends online.

But I know I'm not. Of course I'm not. It's just the same complex as any other self-hating mindset. So many people have just dismissed me when I open up. I'm not being vague, or just hinting. I try to be honest about things when it gets to be too much. But they just shake their heads, irritated about my claims. Or question me with a condescending tone. Or roll their eyes. Or just call me weird/strange.

I'm sick of being a freak. That's all that runs through my head during the day. I've always been a freak. Some weirdo. I don't belong anywhere. Not even here. Things aren't ever going to change. I've had suicidal thoughts, but I'm too afraid of death to go through with it. And my family cares about me. I know that. But my own thoughts and the thoughts of people around me take over. It's too much. I just want to stay inside and hide away. Even then my thoughts still scare me.


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