The Writer's Block - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain.

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- - Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 283101)

I just realised the other night that in about four months I’ll be 16—oh god—and I’ve never had someone in real life who I can say I actually really know, that I felt comfortable sharing my feelings with or ever shared my feelings with, someone I could call a friend. I consider my life before I joined KidPub pretty much completely pointless.
I started crying when I realised that… Then I made myself stop, just for a minute, and when I was ready to cry again, I couldn’t. I had trouble feeling anything toward that. And I got a bit of insomnia, then, at three in the morning. But I managed to sorta cry a bit thhen fall asleep. :^I
Almost sixteen and I’ve never had a friend in real life. Forever Alone. *Head desk*
So, if any of you were wondering, that’s why I’m on so much. I really don’t get along with my family, so most of the day, most days, I just sit alone in my room. This summer is going to suck, being mostly full of that.
Going to a regular school, having friends and seeing them each day seems close to as distant and unreal as Harry Potter and Hogwarts. :^I

Moving on…
I’m terrified of my memory, that I’ll grow up and barely remember KidPub or anything I care about. Most of my life, in my memory, is blank or a blur. I even have trouble remembering this week clearly, this year. I read something that said depression can cause memory loss, because you just don’t care enough to make memories… And that made a lot of sense to me. I really don’t care that much that I can’t remember my childhood. But I really, really don’t want to forget KidPub. I don’t want it to fade. Time is also seeming to move too fast… It shouldn’t be the fifth month of 2012 already. It shouldn’t even be 2012 yet.
*Le epik transition to a different subject* I don’t know if my mom remembers I’m on KidPub. She created my account and filled out the form, but I don’t know if she remembers anymore and I hope not. I’m really paranoid that she’ll ground me from KidPub. Then… I don’t even know. I’d probably lie in my closet and cry. :^I

AND OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO BE SIXTEEN IN FOUR MONTHS. TT_TT

How do I become, like, more social and less awkward…? Just force myself to be social, say hi to random people till I can do it halfway well? Though I don’t have many opportunities for that. :/

On some slightly happier/neutral notes… well, I forget one. But the other is my mom told me, before, that I can trust her and tell her anything. So I’m kinda considering telling her I’m gay—I’m not—to see how true that was, based on how she reacts. XP Oh, bright side: this rant was useful for 750Words.com, as I was lazy today…
I’m feeling a bit better than when I started writing this. :^I Though I feel stupid for posting two long rants a few days apart.
*Curls up in corner of Forever Aloneness*
Meh, I’m going to bed now. Over an hour after I was told I needed to be in bed, under threat of grounding. ^_^ >.<

I considered telling my mom I was gay, even though I'm not, just to see her reaction... I also considered telling her I was pregnant, but fortunately I have never followed through on any of these things. Otherwise, I would probably not be on KidPub. I would be splattered on a wall. Dead.
._.
(*I had a lot more written here for you, LST, but I had to abort because my computer is running out of disc space... I don't know why the disc space on this thing keeps shrinking... >:^C*)

A what-if machine would be good… Less consequences. Is your mom against LGBTness?
o_o Weird. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9suaVDI0Jw :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 283101)

Yeahhh. I’m ranting again. >.< But I would like to point out that I at least differentiated my rant from the average teenage rant by using the word ‘supercilious’. xD Meh. Why do my rants have to be so long? x_x
*Really doesn’t feel like editing/rewriting this again*

My family fits the isolated homeschoolers stereotype. We lived in the south, debatably still do, they’re redneckish—my mom even called us rednecks, but she might’ve been joking—there’s the lack of a social life thing, and my parents are a bit supercilious, especially about homeschooling.
Superciliousness: My parents have said, repeatedly, that public schools suck, homeschooling is the best schooling you can get, and that public school will bore me a ton. (I’m going to public school the coming school year. Assuming my mom doesn’t change her mind again.) (I really doubt I’m going to be bored, I’m probably going to be freaking out too much ^^) And my mom even said that talking to her/any random person would be just as helpful as talking to a therapist/psychologist. *Face palm*
Lack of a social life thing: Before we moved in late 2010, I don’t think I ever really got to, like, interact with people outside my family even once a week. There’s three groups of ‘friends’ I remember having, the family of my mom’s friend, the family of the guy my dad worked for, and one family we were neighbours with. Friends is in quotation marks because I never really knew them, they were more like… playmates. >.> That I rarely saw. Even the neighbours.
Now, I have a chance to be around people who I’m not related to about twice a week. (It’d be three times a week, but I dropped out of the homeschool group.) There’s Boy Scouts, which I don’t really belong in and I don’t really interact at, just listen, and then there’s the library thing. The library thing is epik, but most of the time I come home feeling agitated and alone.
I’m pretty sure my social skills are a fail, at least partially as a result of that… Sometimes I don’t know how to act around people, I can’t make small talk, I can’t really smile or make regular facial expressions, and I get nervous easily. Someone even said they thought I was mute or something, when they first met me last year, though they might've been exaggerating.
(Meaning I’ll probably be Forever Alone when I go to public school, and when I’m an adult, too.)
I just realised the other night that in about four months I’ll be 16—oh god—and I’ve never had someone in real life who I can say I actually really know, that I felt comfortable sharing my feelings with or ever shared my feelings with, someone I could call a friend. I consider my life before I joined KidPub pretty much completely pointless.
I started crying when I realised that… Then I made myself stop, just for a minute, and when I was ready to cry again, I couldn’t. I had trouble feeling anything toward that. And I got a bit of insomnia, then, at three in the morning. But I managed to sorta cry a bit thhen fall asleep. :^I
Almost sixteen and I’ve never had a friend in real life. Forever Alone. *Head desk*
So, if any of you were wondering, that’s why I’m on so much. I really don’t get along with my family, so most of the day, most days, I just sit alone in my room. This summer is going to suck, being mostly full of that.
Going to a regular school, having friends and seeing them each day seems close to as distant and unreal as Harry Potter and Hogwarts. :^I

Moving on…
I’m terrified of my memory, that I’ll grow up and barely remember KidPub or anything I care about. Most of my life, in my memory, is blank or a blur. I even have trouble remembering this week clearly, this year. I read something that said depression can cause memory loss, because you just don’t care enough to make memories… And that made a lot of sense to me. I really don’t care that much that I can’t remember my childhood. But I really, really don’t want to forget KidPub. I don’t want it to fade. Time is also seeming to move too fast… It shouldn’t be the fifth month of 2012 already. It shouldn’t even be 2012 yet.
*Le epik transition to a different subject* I don’t know if my mom remembers I’m on KidPub. She created my account and filled out the form, but I don’t know if she remembers anymore and I hope not. I’m really paranoid that she’ll ground me from KidPub. Then… I don’t even know. I’d probably lie in my closet and cry. :^I

AND OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO BE SIXTEEN IN FOUR MONTHS. TT_TT

How do I become, like, more social and less awkward…? Just force myself to be social, say hi to random people till I can do it halfway well? Though I don’t have many opportunities for that. :/

On some slightly happier/neutral notes… well, I forget one. But the other is my mom told me, before, that I can trust her and tell her anything. So I’m kinda considering telling her I’m gay—I’m not—to see how true that was, based on how she reacts. XP Oh, bright side: this rant was useful for 750Words.com, as I was lazy today…
I’m feeling a bit better than when I started writing this. :^I Though I feel stupid for posting two long rants a few days apart.
*Curls up in corner of Forever Aloneness*
Meh, I’m going to bed now. Over an hour after I was told I needed to be in bed, under threat of grounding. ^_^ >.<

Okay...so........I only saw that ^^^ a few minutes ago. >_> I've been avoiding this thread for the past few days since I can barely handle my own issues, LET ALONE try to comfort/help anyone else. (Does that make me selfish? ;_; I hope not.)

I'm getting pulled away from the computer, so I can't reply to all of what you wrote right now. -_- But I DID want to tell you this, at least:
Tredom...I know how you feel. I'm sorry you're going through all this. It's not fair--you're an incredibly awesome person and you deserve a dozen close friends. You're talented and kind and funny and I think it's a shame you don't get out very often.

No, it doesn't. Not at all. Looking at the thread at all is unselfish. I hope whatever you're dealing with gets better. :/
Thank you.

I'm scared. My sister Sophia is nine and my best friend. She's sweet, loyal, funny, and brave. She loves adventures and fantasy worlds. She inspired my published novel with her own little world that she shared with me on a long car drive. She turned a really stupid 101-things-to-find-in-fairyland book into a complex trilogy and my soul story. She's amazing in every way. And yet, she's never had a friend, unless you count Tesla.

Tesla was a girl that moved her from California. She... wanted to be my best friend. Besides my sis, my obvious bff is my friend Catie. Everyone knows it. It was just that Tesla's brother and I liked each other in a friendly way. Tesla was the matchmaker, and an annoying one at that. Her brother and Catie got into a huge fight... It ended up being so bad that I had to choose. I chose Catie. It was all I could do... Tesla got so mad. She hated Catie. I wished Tesla would just leave us alone... except then Sophia started hanging out with her. "Tesla's my friend," she whispered once to me. And then the next day, when Tesla was on a playdate, she told me that she didn't even like Sophia. Sophia had her hopes up. She doodled in her journal pictures of Tesla and her. Tesla was all that she had ever hoped for as a friend... except it wasn't returned. Sophia blindly hoped, and believed. I couldn't bear to cause her pain like that. Tesla and her family moved to Texas, and that was that.

A bitter ending, but an ending.

Now there's Zoe.

Her sister Brooklyn is the sweetest, kindest girl I probably know. And not in a sissy way. She just has a heart of pure gold, and although she only visits our city sometimes (her mother lives elsewhere in the state), she's just great to be around. Her sister Zoe, however, lives her full time.

Sophia is six inches taller than I am at a full five feet, and Zoe is a foot and a half shorter than she is. It's adorable when they get home from playdates and Sophia has to squat to hug her. Sophia has such a golden hope, and so do I. She can only tag along with me and Catie... perhaps she has found a friend. But I'm so scared... she was in so much pain when she found out about Tesla's feelings towards her. And I was in pain too... I can't let anyone ever, ever do that to her again. And yet, I want her to have a friend... but I can't let her have that pain again.

Ever.

I hate that Tesla. Why the heck did she play with Sophia if she didn't like her?
My classmate was like that once. She was once my friend, then we had a big fight, then my friends who played with her broke up with her too, nothing to do with me, I swear, and one of my friends are friends with her again, and the other is starting to accept her, and she's becoming more likeable. I'm feeling weary...

The product of wasting my life and zoning out in class the past couple days:
1. I decided I really want to be a little girl's doll. No thinking, no feeliing, no emotion, no having to move. God that prospect sounds so inviting.
2. I also decided that I wish Umbrage from HP lived next door so I could steal her pen that carves words into your hand ("I shall not tell lies" as for harry). I would write it super deep and get as much pain out of it as I can, carving the word "confidence". I need confidence really, really badly. I have none at all. -_-

For the confidence thing… look at the comments to things you've posted on KP. Every time someone compliments you, says something nice about you, or even says something that makes you smile, write it down in a Word file and look at it every time you feel down.

That is a good idea, thanks. I'll try it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 283101)

Okay, I can't believe I'm saying this, but....in your case...public school might be good for you. You'll have to avoid the downsides--rude kids, slow people (it's not their fault, but it can be annoying to have to wait all the time), druggies (depending on the school area), gossips, and people who curse every other sentence--but it can be a good experience. Teachers, friends, art/music class, getting feedback on your assignments...it's all really fun while it lasts. :D And you get to be away from your house for a bit--staying at home too long can give you cabin fever, and that's certainly not healthy. 0_0 From what you've said, you seem to have been dealing with cabin fever for a looooong time.

I've only had, like...two true friends in my entire life that were my age. And the others all abandoned me. -_- So I kind of know how you feel on that subject. I find that it helps to try to stay positive. Start with small things--like, "oh, it's sunny/cloudy outside, yay", and "mmm, I love apples, I'm glad I can eat one," and just work your way up from there to the big things like "I'm glad I have a mom/dad/sibling, he/she's so [insert good quality here]" and whatnot. ^_^

"How do I become, like, more social and less awkward…?"
O_0 I've been working on that for years, my friend. XD You are so not alone on that one. I started out by smiling and saying "have a nice day" to practically everyone I bumped into. Guy at the checkout counter at Fry's? "Have a nice day!" Crossing guard outside of school? "Have a nice day!" Random chick who helps me pick up my library books when I check out too many and trip and scatter them all over the floor? "Thanks, I'm such a clutz. Have a nice day!" ^_^ You'd be surprised how genuinely happy it makes people when you say that. A lot of people in this world feel ignored--and showing the slightest amount of interest makes them feel good. In turn, seeing them happy can give you courage. From there, I just start striking up random little conversations with people. They don't have to mean anything. Sometimes they get into the conversation, sometimes they don't. Just start by commenting on something. "Man, I hate this weather. It's so hot out. Did you know that [insert random SHORT fact about the heat here]." "Did you hear about [insert recent occurrence that was on the news]?" Maybe joke about something. Anything to get them talking. If you feel awkward about it, remind yourself: (1) THIS IS A PROVEN FACT: 99% of people are so concerned about how THEY look and how THEY come across to people, they honestly don't notice how other people look for more than a couple seconds. Then they forget. (2) If the conversation doesn't last long, they won't dwell on what you looked like or what you said. They'll get lost in their own lives and stop thinking about it. It's not that they don't like you--it's like...passing a bunch of trees in a forest. You don't count how many there are and carry that number around with you all day. Your mind simply does not require that info. ANYWAY, after you get past that, just try to branch out a little. :3 Try to befriend people at school who seem to be all by themselves. There are always people at school who just get ignored. It doesn't mean they're crazy or creepy; they just don't fit in. Try to draw them out--ask them what they like, and what they don't like. Rock? Rap? The Legend of Korra? Reading? A certain movie? Ask them about THEM. Like I said, people like it when you show interest in them, since a lot of people feel like no one cares. Ask them if they have any pets, siblings, or hobbies. ^_^ O_O Sorry that was so long....XD

I don't suggest that you do that....o_e Testing your parents by telling them something false can have REALLY BAD results. (Trust me--I've tried stuff like that.)

Don't feel bad for venting two times within a week, Tredom.... <:^J It's healthy to vent. Venting keeps us from exploding/imploding emotionally.

I'm sorry this took me so long to write....x_x I feel terrible about it.