o_O I don't know. I should get to sleep more. ^_^ Sorry about it, Ash.

*le hug* Sorry about the VM thing. ;w;

Need to go! ^_^ Bye.

Why the hell should you be offended by his opinion on your appearance? It just happens that society views being thinner than the perfectly healthy body as better, or whatever it is. It doesn't matter until you go too far either way, and I'm fairly sure that your supposed 'chubbiness', which is probably non-existent, isn't affecting your health.

“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.” -J.K. Rowling

J.K. Rowling is awesome.

That she is.

(*looks around at emotional venting thread*)

NOPE
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8...cc6bo1_500.gif

No way, that was awesome. XD XD XD ^__^

Euh, yeah... it got really, REALLY bad at the very start of Christmas break.
(Right here I had a HUGE vent, I actually got my feelings out somewhat... but I took it off because, I dunno, it doesn't feel right to contribute to this thread anymore. :/ If you want me to email it to you, just let me know.)

It seems like I'm beginning to understand your dislike of a particular day of the week... for me it's Saturday nights, Friday nights... any night that my parents/mom drinks, ends in horrible disaster

I'm sorry that Wednesdays do... whatever they do... to you. <:^(

You're the best advisor, Sandy. I love that you help everyone with EVERYTHING. :')

It's not all my dad.
And the parts that are.... they happen all the time. He's not not thinking right because he's in pain. He's always like this, back problems or not.


Is there something about me that just turns people away? Some little quality, characteristic, that I don't even notice I have, but that instantly just makes people not want to approach me? I'm just trying... just the same as everyone else, we're all trying, and I get that we all have our own lives and don't always respond immediately.
It would just be the little things I'd want. Someone to initiate the conversation for once, and not just small talk, actual conversation. Someone to email me first, instead of me waiting for them to and then finally caving and emailing them sounding like a whiny, attention-seeking bitch. I don't get it. I've never wanted attention before. That's never been a problem for me. Is this tick on me that turns people off... new? Or has it just gone unnoticed till now?
My relative don't seem to want to talk to me. It's always about my cousin this, my cousin that, they all talk to her, and I'm like the third wheel on a polygamous date or something. They're all interacting and laughing and I'm just sitting there, poking at my food. If I'm lucky, someone will talk to me, but it will be a question with a one word or one sentence answer, and I'll continue to be ignored after that.
What the hell is wrong with me? I'm supposed to be perfect, I get that, but I don't even believe in perfection. I believe in trying my best, and striving hard in life, but I'm sure as hell not going to be perfect and you can't make me something that I'm not, especially if I don't even believe that it exists. Even the littlest mistakes, they seem to grate on people as if it was a life-threatening one. News flash: it's not! And you'll go and call up Grandma, and you'll talk briefly about me, but then it's all about how SHE'S doing and how THEY'RE doing and oh yeah btw my daughter is so funny, yanno what she said to me? Yeah, what did I say to you? In a rarer moment when I was actually being honest with you, and you pass it off as funny gossip. Right. See, this is why I'm so easily frustrated with you: because you don't understand me, but I understand you. I get why you're doing all this shit, and it's wonderful what you're TRYING to accomplish, surely, but it's not GETTING you anywhere and if you just stopped and noticed for one moment that hey, this parenting method you're using is fucked-up and doesn't work for your kid, maybe you should STOP USING THE DAMN METHOD, no? But yet again, I realize, you have your own life, and you don't take time to think about these things--about me. You presume that I want the same things I've always wanted, like the same things I've always liked, and I know you don't want me to change, to grow up, but I HAVE and I'm sorry. I don't really like being this way either, stupid fucking hormones and all that shit, but there's no escaping it. You're always telling me how fucking ADAPTABLE I am (yeah right) so why don't you try adapting yourself?
And I could rant on this for ages, I really could, but now you're yelling at me to get off the damn computer, apparently I've been going to bed way too late these last couple of nights, and, well, honestly I couldn't care less. Did it ever occur to you to think what I'm actually doing on here? C'mon, writing a damn essay doesn't take this long, can't you see through my lies? For once I wish you'd just actually do something instead of threaten it. I get away with everything--do you think I LIKE that? Fuck no. But I do what I do and it's how I grew up, on a structure of carefully placed lies and false masks. And you may know my favorite comfort food or what clothes I like to wear, but that's because I've been eating and wearing the same things for YEARS. The things about me that have changed, you don't know at all. You don't know what music I listen to or what celebrities I stalk or what concerts I'd like to go to. You don't know any of that, and so, though you think you may know me, you don't know ME and she's the girl inside who lies and cries but tries and sighs and she's the girl who counts.
I've said this before and I'll say it again: I'm nothing more than a pet to you. Someone to care for and feed and clothe, but the communication's not so great and even the dog wonders, do I actually care for my owner? Or do I just rely on them and wait for the day when I become independent at last, when the owner trusts me enough to leave me at home, when the owner actually carries out a threat and hurts me--that will make me stronger. But no one sees this but the pet. And so the pet is forced to remain in confinement, trained and proper on the outside, but still a wild beast within clawing to get out, get out, get OUT of this fucking place that's made me into a robot, a faulty machine that only knows how to lie and not much more.
Okay, that's it, I'm drained for the night.
I wish sometimes my parents actually knew the real me, because then they'd understand why I do what I do and I might actually be a person, and wouldn't that shock the hell out of everyone?

O_o I said "a big to-do" not "a to-do list". XD Those are two totally different things.

D: Aggghhh, I had no idea! I'm so sorry, Cass. *hugs* *gives you some coffee and a muffin* <:^3

"...it doesn't feel right to contribute to this thread anymore." What exactly do you mean by that? O_o And yes, yes, tell me, I want to know what's going on just in case I might be able to help....maybe telling me about it will help you get your feelings out more..? <:^/ *feels like a useless blob* x_x Mreh.

OH GOSH, no...nononooo, you're trapped in the day dreading schedule, too? OTL I'm sorry. I find the best thing to do is just find a way to hunker down in your room on the day you know it's going to happen. Also taking it easy and not denying yourself of anything you want. (Lots of coffee, watching something /funny on YouTube even though it's wasting your time, listening to whatever music you want for however long you want, etc. etc. etc.) But yeah, drop me a line if you think you're up to telling me what's going on! 0_0

Don't worry about me...January is my new savior. @_@ And it's almost here...c'mon, January...all I want to do is live to see the 9th, then this will all be overrrrr....