The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

soph-soph27 01-16-2013 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 408699)
I guess so. Thanks, I'll think about it.

I read the other posts. We'll be with you, every step you take.

MaryElizabeth 01-16-2013 07:15 PM

I'm trapped in the vortex of solitude. My few friends don't back me up when I stick up for myself. I had to switch lockers because someone complained about me being too arrogant. I amuse myself by calling people words they don't understand, but there's no one there to laugh with me. I dream about being the girl who has a guy ask her to dance, not vice versa. I want to walk down the hall and have someone call my name and try to catch up with me. I just don't want to be so alone.

I shouldn't spend so much time thinking about other people's better lives, at least not in a self-pitiful way like I do. Most of the time I just want to throw a punch at the people I know, but of course I can't, because I need a good education and a suspension would not exactly be beneficial.

But why do people assume that that's what i do? I'm not a monster (yet). I'm not a bad person. If people would see these pathetic rants they would realize that being an ass is all I have. Really. I don't know what I can do. Being moderately intelligent is the only good thing about me. I truly cannot think of another attribute that is positive. And I've explained before, being aggressive and rude is for my own illusion of power. I'm incapable of functioning a different way than I do right now. AND--I--HATE--IT--EVERY--DAY.

I keep kicking myself for this. I can't wallow in self-pity, it's ridiculous. But I'm being swallowed by solitude. I can't take it. I keep repeating that: I can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it. I'm not just being melodramatic, I just hate being alone and I don't know how much longer I can go on before I explode like I did last time.

CACrools 01-16-2013 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 408794)
I'm trapped in the vortex of solitude. My few friends don't back me up when I stick up for myself. I had to switch lockers because someone complained about me being too arrogant. I amuse myself by calling people words they don't understand, but there's no one there to laugh with me. I dream about being the girl who has a guy ask her to dance, not vice versa. I want to walk down the hall and have someone call my name and try to catch up with me. I just don't want to be so alone.

I shouldn't spend so much time thinking about other people's better lives, at least not in a self-pitiful way like I do. Most of the time I just want to throw a punch at the people I know, but of course I can't, because I need a good education and a suspension would not exactly be beneficial.

But why do people assume that that's what i do? I'm not a monster (yet). I'm not a bad person. If people would see these pathetic rants they would realize that being an ass is all I have. Really. I don't know what I can do. Being moderately intelligent is the only good thing about me. I truly cannot think of another attribute that is positive. And I've explained before, being aggressive and rude is for my own illusion of power. I'm incapable of functioning a different way than I do right now. AND--I--HATE--IT--EVERY--DAY.

I keep kicking myself for this. I can't wallow in self-pity, it's ridiculous. But I'm being swallowed by solitude. I can't take it. I keep repeating that: I can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it. I'm not just being melodramatic, I just hate being alone and I don't know how much longer I can go on before I explode like I did last time.

With you wanting people to call for you, and run down to catch up with you, do that with other people. That'll make you seem more friendly, and more people could like you... Try to be a little nicer, and just relax and enjoy it. High School will be here soon.

TheAshWolf 01-16-2013 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lily09 (Post 408697)
Almost everyone who knows about it that is not a family member is saying that it's child abuse. C said it, Litzy's saying it, the twins are saying it, B is saying it, and you guys are saying it.
But my parents are saying that it's not since it's completely justified.
My friends are saying to tell an adult, but honestly, I'm terrified of doing that. My family and even my cousins think it's fine. I talked to my brother about it last year and he said, "Others have it worse. It's not child abuse. And how can you even think of reporting family members?! What goes on inside the family stays inside the family. You shouldn't report family members." I know if I report it, my mom and my uncles and aunts and cousins and my brothers will judge me and they'll have no respect for me.

It's one thing if they just occasionally give you a slap on the face or something. That can be written off as discipline.

But what you've described is child abuse any way you look at it.

Of course they're going to say it's justified. They have to justify it in their own minds to soothe their parental consciences. They probably grew up with the same kind of treatment themselves, and don't know how to react when they're upset other than lashing out.

Your brother is right, to a degree. You shouldn't go to the cops every time someone gets mad at someone else in your family. But when someone's being REPEATEDLY (not once or twice, but so often that the person expects it and/or fears it) physically harmed, then it becomes abuse.

Well, if your family judges you, then that's their problem. If you're living in such a condition of constant fear and misery, you NEED to act. If they have a problem with that, then they clearly don't understand the amount of stress you're under living the way you are.

Ask yourself...if you were a legal adult, would what they're doing to you be legal? What if a boss at work treated an employee the exact way you've been treated? Wouldn't that boss be arrested, or at least sued? Yes. Yes, the boss would. You can't go around hitting people whenever you get angry with them. Technically, in the adult world, if you so much as TOUCH another person, and they feel threatened by that action, they have the right to call the police and/or sue the person.

I'm not saying that your parents are horrible people or anything like that. And I'm not saying that reporting your situation will fix everything. It might make some things worse for a little while. Or, it could shock some sense into your family. Or both. I can't say for sure.

Point is, you don't deserve to be treated like this.

HeatherB 01-16-2013 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 408488)
what the f*ck is wrong with me
what the f*ck
and why
seriously
i don't

earlier today i was thinking i'd sort of like to just tell someone everything. my 'darkest secrets', the things i kind of try to hide in the farthest part of myself.
then i thought i'd rather keep it inside and hide it and never let it see the light of day and hope it asphyxiates
(and the 'secrets'—only one's actually dark, and I've mentioned it. the other is pretty much only dark because of how much self-hate surrounds it.)

lst, nothing is wrong with you at all.
i have the same kinds of battles. it's completely up to you whether you tell someone or not, but, something i do is--you know the website called 'the thought room' or whatever? where you can just type your thoughts into a box or whatever and hit the button and the website eats your text? it doesn't go into the website really i don't think, it just kind of deletes? but i've used that site to vent a lot and i can't find the link right now but idk, it might be useful. it's like telling someone without actually telling anyone.

Sandy 01-16-2013 10:09 PM

Je ne sais quoi
 
Oh Dieu...

Pourquoi?
Pourquoi avez-vous le fait?
Maintenant, je suis à ma seule avec... elle.

Qu'est-ce que je fais sans toi?
Et c'est seulement ta mort qui a ouvert mes yeux.
Et j'ai seulement... elle... et mes bonnes notes. Et il, oui, mon père... mais c'est pas plus d'un question de temps pendant qu'il se fâche... et après, il va quitte de la maison... merci à ELLE. Ma mère.
Et POURQUOI?
Parce-qu'elle ne peut pas se contrôler près d'alcool et des autres hommes.
DES AUTRES HOMMES.
Êtes-vous trop belle pour nous? Êtes-vous trop intelligente pour nous, votre famille? Les personnes qui souffrent pour votre fautes?
Vous ne savez pas que je sais tous les choses que vous avez fait. J'ai entendu quelques choses vous avez dit. JE SAIS. Et puis, vous nous blâmez!
Je n'aurai jamais la confiance ou le respect pour vous.
Vous le méritez...
Sale.

TheAshWolf 01-16-2013 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 408900)
Oh Dieu...

Pourquoi?
Pourquoi avez-vous le fait?
Maintenant, je suis à ma seule avec... elle.

Qu'est-ce que je fais sans toi?
Et c'est seulement ta mort qui a ouvert mes yeux.
Et j'ai seulement... elle... et mes bonnes notes. Et il, oui, mon père... mais c'est pas plus d'un question de temps pendant qu'il se fâche... et après, il va quitte de la maison... merci à ELLE. Ma mère.
Et POURQUOI?
Parce-qu'elle ne peut pas se contrôler près d'alcool et des autres hommes.
DES AUTRES HOMMES.
Êtes-vous trop belle pour nous? Êtes-vous trop intelligente pour nous, votre famille? Les personnes qui souffrent pour votre fautes?
Vous ne savez pas que je sais tous les choses que vous avez fait. J'ai entendu quelques choses vous avez dit. JE SAIS. Et puis, vous nous blâmez!
Je n'aurai jamais la confiance ou le respect pour vous.
Vous le méritez...
Sale.

Y U speak only in French?! o_o No entiendo, mon chéri.

*runs off to Google Translate* OH MY WORD what happened?! D: *glomps you* Cass.....Sandy.... ;w; Are you alright? Please tell me you're alright. *huggles*

Sandy 01-16-2013 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 408794)
I'm trapped in the vortex of solitude. My few friends don't back me up when I stick up for myself. I had to switch lockers because someone complained about me being too arrogant. I amuse myself by calling people words they don't understand, but there's no one there to laugh with me. I dream about being the girl who has a guy ask her to dance, not vice versa. I want to walk down the hall and have someone call my name and try to catch up with me. I just don't want to be so alone.

I shouldn't spend so much time thinking about other people's better lives, at least not in a self-pitiful way like I do. Most of the time I just want to throw a punch at the people I know, but of course I can't, because I need a good education and a suspension would not exactly be beneficial.

But why do people assume that that's what i do? I'm not a monster (yet). I'm not a bad person. If people would see these pathetic rants they would realize that being an ass is all I have. Really. I don't know what I can do. Being moderately intelligent is the only good thing about me. I truly cannot think of another attribute that is positive. And I've explained before, being aggressive and rude is for my own illusion of power. I'm incapable of functioning a different way than I do right now. AND--I--HATE--IT--EVERY--DAY.

I keep kicking myself for this. I can't wallow in self-pity, it's ridiculous. But I'm being swallowed by solitude. I can't take it. I keep repeating that: I can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it. I'm not just being melodramatic, I just hate being alone and I don't know how much longer I can go on before I explode like I did last time.

Wanting the things you mentioned is the main reasons you are being destroyed by yourself.
You want these things--you want people to pursue you--and this is blinding you to what truly makes people want to pursue you. You have to pursue them before they want to turn around and pursue you back.
Perhaps wanting to punch people and calling them names they don`t understand is your problem. You seem to perceive yourself very highly on the surface, significantly higher than others, yet you don't want to be alone. These things contradict each other--you have to chose between one of them. Perhaps admitting to yourself that this self-perception is just an illusion of grandeur to make you feel secure would help you come down a bit. And I don't mean that in an offensive way--there are many times when I've nearly fallen prey to my god complex that lingers just beneath my skin.

Perhaps you're not as alone as you think you are. :/

CACrools 01-16-2013 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 408900)
Oh Dieu...

Pourquoi?
Pourquoi avez-vous le fait?
Maintenant, je suis à ma seule avec... elle.

Qu'est-ce que je fais sans toi?
Et c'est seulement ta mort qui a ouvert mes yeux.
Et j'ai seulement... elle... et mes bonnes notes. Et il, oui, mon père... mais c'est pas plus d'un question de temps pendant qu'il se fâche... et après, il va quitte de la maison... merci à ELLE. Ma mère.
Et POURQUOI?
Parce-qu'elle ne peut pas se contrôler près d'alcool et des autres hommes.
DES AUTRES HOMMES.
Êtes-vous trop belle pour nous? Êtes-vous trop intelligente pour nous, votre famille? Les personnes qui souffrent pour votre fautes?
Vous ne savez pas que je sais tous les choses que vous avez fait. J'ai entendu quelques choses vous avez dit. JE SAIS. Et puis, vous nous blâmez!
Je n'aurai jamais la confiance ou le respect pour vous.
Vous le méritez...
Sale.

*googletranslated it* Oh, Sandy! I'm so sorry. I know it's rough, but I know that you'll be fine, and everything will turn out better in the end. Stay strong, because I know you can. *hugs* Is there any way the KidPubians can help?

soph-soph27 01-16-2013 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandy (Post 408900)
Oh Dieu...

Pourquoi?
Pourquoi avez-vous le fait?
Maintenant, je suis à ma seule avec... elle.

Qu'est-ce que je fais sans toi?
Et c'est seulement ta mort qui a ouvert mes yeux.
Et j'ai seulement... elle... et mes bonnes notes. Et il, oui, mon père... mais c'est pas plus d'un question de temps pendant qu'il se fâche... et après, il va quitte de la maison... merci à ELLE. Ma mère.
Et POURQUOI?
Parce-qu'elle ne peut pas se contrôler près d'alcool et des autres hommes.
DES AUTRES HOMMES.
Êtes-vous trop belle pour nous? Êtes-vous trop intelligente pour nous, votre famille? Les personnes qui souffrent pour votre fautes?
Vous ne savez pas que je sais tous les choses que vous avez fait. J'ai entendu quelques choses vous avez dit. JE SAIS. Et puis, vous nous blâmez!
Je n'aurai jamais la confiance ou le respect pour vous.
Vous le méritez...
Sale.

Oh my gosh...what happened...is there any way we can help?


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