The Writer's Block

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-   -   Your emotional venting thread. I'll explain. (http://www.kidpub.com/forum3/showthread.php?t=2095)

HeatherB 04-22-2013 07:19 PM

have i ever mentioned just how much i hate myself and how i want to cut myself further than my bones and how i want to kill myself in all ways possible and how i want to check myself into a fucking mental hospital because god, will no one accept that i'm horribly twisted and fucked up without saying that it's okay, because they are too? did i ever say how much i don't care? how i just want to run out of my fucking life that i've fucked up so damn much and i don't want to live, at all? do you ever get to thinking, this wouldn't've happened without me. and oh, this too. and that. and this. and that. and this. and motherfucking THAT. none of this would've gotten to this fucked up place if i hadn't done anything. if i hadn't been fucking born. and i don't want to be born and i don't want to die, that's not the point. i just want to not live. as myself. and i've figured out who becca and monica and hedge are. they're blamees. i can't bear that it's all my fucking, my stupid fucking fault that i've actually created people, inside my fucked up head, to take the blame for me. how fucking ridiculous is that? doesn't it make you just want to run off a fucking cliff? and yet i can't seem to get rid of them. i am too weak to do so. they are a tribute to my weakness. everything in my life is, really. i know that the world doesn't revolve around me, but it seems like everything wrong in the world does.

L.S.Trendom 04-22-2013 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 453081)
have i ever mentioned just how much i hate myself and how i want to cut myself further than my bones and how i want to kill myself in all ways possible and how i want to check myself into a fucking mental hospital because god, will no one accept that i'm horribly twisted and fucked up without saying that it's okay, because they are too? did i ever say how much i don't care? how i just want to run out of my fucking life that i've fucked up so damn much and i don't want to live, at all? do you ever get to thinking, this wouldn't've happened without me. and oh, this too. and that. and this. and that. and this. and motherfucking THAT. none of this would've gotten to this fucked up place if i hadn't done anything. if i hadn't been fucking born. and i don't want to be born and i don't want to die, that's not the point. i just want to not live. as myself. and i've figured out who becca and monica and hedge are. they're blamees. i can't bear that it's all my fucking, my stupid fucking fault that i've actually created people, inside my fucked up head, to take the blame for me. how fucking ridiculous is that? doesn't it make you just want to run off a fucking cliff? and yet i can't seem to get rid of them. i am too weak to do so. they are a tribute to my weakness. everything in my life is, really. i know that the world doesn't revolve around me, but it seems like everything wrong in the world does.

I wish i could actually hug you right now and tell you that you are fucking amazing.
You deserve to be happy, not to die.
Maybe you are horribly twisted and fucked up. And, no, that's not okay, because it's not good for you. I know how much it sucks, sometimes… but, you know what? despite that, you're still a great person. I'm glad you're my friend.

MaryElizabeth 04-22-2013 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 453059)
*hugs* Yes, do the Butterfly Project.
Another thing you can do is make a paper chain. Each day that you don't self-harm, put a colourful chain link on the chain; when you do self-harm, those days, instead put a white chain link.
Or you could also do, like, a bead necklace. Each day you don't self-harm, add a bead. If you do self-harm, take the beads off. Or you could combine them.
*hugs again*

Thanks for the advice.
Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 453081)
have i ever mentioned just how much i hate myself and how i want to cut myself further than my bones and how i want to kill myself in all ways possible and how i want to check myself into a fucking mental hospital because god, will no one accept that i'm horribly twisted and fucked up without saying that it's okay, because they are too? did i ever say how much i don't care? how i just want to run out of my fucking life that i've fucked up so damn much and i don't want to live, at all? do you ever get to thinking, this wouldn't've happened without me. and oh, this too. and that. and this. and that. and this. and motherfucking THAT. none of this would've gotten to this fucked up place if i hadn't done anything. if i hadn't been fucking born. and i don't want to be born and i don't want to die, that's not the point. i just want to not live. as myself. and i've figured out who becca and monica and hedge are. they're blamees. i can't bear that it's all my fucking, my stupid fucking fault that i've actually created people, inside my fucked up head, to take the blame for me. how fucking ridiculous is that? doesn't it make you just want to run off a fucking cliff? and yet i can't seem to get rid of them. i am too weak to do so. they are a tribute to my weakness. everything in my life is, really. i know that the world doesn't revolve around me, but it seems like everything wrong in the world does.

You're not weak. You're anything but. You've been pushing through this for such a long time. You're strong. You're fantastic. You're going to be okay. Things will get better. One day you could be the one using words to help someone just like you. You'll be inspirational. You already are to me. Heather, everything's going to be alright. Stick around for me, okay?

HeatherB 04-22-2013 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 453086)
I wish i could actually hug you right now and tell you that you are fucking amazing.
You deserve to be happy, not to die.
Maybe you are horribly twisted and fucked up. And, no, that's not okay, because it's not good for you. I know how much it sucks, sometimes… but, you know what? despite that, you're still a great person. I'm glad you're my friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453098)
Thanks for the advice.


You're not weak. You're anything but. You've been pushing through this for such a long time. You're strong. You're fantastic. You're going to be okay. Things will get better. One day you could be the one using words to help someone just like you. You'll be inspirational. You already are to me. Heather, everything's going to be alright. Stick around for me, okay?

i can't really say much to this but thank you.
*cries quietly in the corner*

L.S.Trendom 04-22-2013 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 453099)
i can't really say much to this but thank you.
*cries quietly in the corner*

*hugs you almost to death as you cry*

MaryElizabeth 04-22-2013 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 453099)
i can't really say much to this but thank you.
*cries quietly in the corner*

We'll always be here to help you. Even after we're too old for KP.

MaryElizabeth 04-22-2013 08:12 PM

I'm just feeling anxiety. Like I'm about to fall off of a cliff. Things are provoking me and scratching at me but I'm trying to push it away, saying that I'm fine and there's no need for me to "wallow in self-pity", but I'm just afraid that I'm going to relapse. Not necessarily the cutting, I'm working on that, but just the thoughts closing in. I'm just trying to manage all of this. And I know it's not really going to end in the summer. It will be much easier, but there are thoughts that are still going to try and knock me down.

HeatherB 04-22-2013 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.S.Trendom (Post 453104)
*hugs you almost to death as you cry*

*hugs you back to the end of the universe*
Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453115)
We'll always be here to help you. Even after we're too old for KP.

yeah, why do you think we have tumblrs?
Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453116)
I'm just feeling anxiety. Like I'm about to fall off of a cliff. Things are provoking me and scratching at me but I'm trying to push it away, saying that I'm fine and there's no need for me to "wallow in self-pity", but I'm just afraid that I'm going to relapse. Not necessarily the cutting, I'm working on that, but just the thoughts closing in. I'm just trying to manage all of this. And I know it's not really going to end in the summer. It will be much easier, but there are thoughts that are still going to try and knock me down.

*hugs* like you told me, it will get better. and the thoughts that try and knock you down, well, let them. we'll be here to pick you back up.

MaryElizabeth 04-22-2013 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherB (Post 453118)
*hugs* like you told me, it will get better. and the thoughts that try and knock you down, well, let them. we'll be here to pick you back up.

That means a lot coming from you. Thank you so much for being there.

HeatherB 04-22-2013 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth (Post 453148)
That means a lot coming from you. Thank you so much for being there.

you're welcome. :3


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