Graystorm, I don't know youi--I don't really go on kp anymore--but I still wanted to say something.

Your mom was struggling with something, and you had nothing to do with that. It wasn't your duty to save her--the only one who could have saved her was herself.
But I bet that doesn't actually make you feel any better.

But here's something that might keep you going, till time makes it a bit better. Your mother loved you. She wanted you to be alive and happy (not to blame yourself). So honor her memory by doing that. Stay alive until one day you find a way to be happy again.

Edit: apologies for typos, I'm lying in bed on my phone

someone kill theanimeman

I'm a piece of crap who's back on this site because I really don't have anyone to talk to. My best friend. She's leaving. She's leaving high school and moving on not dropping out if I'm being honest I don't know what she's doing but tomorrow is her last day at our school and I just found out today. And it's not that she's leaving because I know this school was bad for her so I'm glad she's able to get out but the fact she never told me. She never told me and she never tells me about anything she's ever going through I always find out secondhand and wow am I that bad of a friend? She can't tell me she's leaving? Am I that hard to talk to that self absorbed? I'm going to miss her so much and I don't know what I'm going to do but the worst part is that she doesn't actually trust me or care enough to tell me about anything that happens in her life. Am I that distant and untouchable that the girl I consider a sister won't talk to me? Damn I'm a bad friend. She can't talk to me. What have I been doing I thought otherwise I almost couldn't breathe when I found out today I can't breathe now damn damn damn I'm losing her the only person I've ever felt this close to or ever loved this much or ever told anything to. I can't lose her damn damn damn she's so much of what I am i can't handle this. I've lost her already I didn't even know what was happening what kind of narcissistic piece of sidewalk trash doesn't know these things about their best friend damn damn damn damn.
(I shouldn't be here I left I wasnt going to come back but I'm so tired and alone right now so naturally I heave my problems on this website and its members)

just because i do well in school, just because i got an average of 99% on the test, doesn't mean i don't have to try. doesn't mean i'm not allowed to be scared of high school. don't make me feel like crap on something that i can't change. don't make me feel like crap because i'm a good test taker. don't make me feel like i'm rubbing it in people's faces.

why aren't i allowed to be scared?

this.

i'm sick of everyone assuming i'm naturally talented just bc i get what are considered good grades.

good god why do bad things always happen to my cats

I'm so anxious about going back to school. I don't want to be bullied for being trans. I doubt I will be, I live in a good area, but some people have very strong opinions. One time in a lesson a kid called me a tr**ny (wasn't even out yet). I don't want that to be multiplied by a million times when I'm presenting male full time. Fuck. I'm so scared

I feel like the penny is in the air and i'm waiting for it to drop. It feels wrong to be this calm about the current situation, but at the same time I really don't want to react. I don't want to do something like start panicking in the car with everybody.

I don't know if something's wrong with me, maybe i'm broken and I just don't/won't ever emotionally feel the true impact of high-tension situations, or if my emotional response really really delayed..


@Elfy; you can handle whatever they might throw at you,:)

I've told like 10 people to die on YouTube today. Of course, they were imbecilic wastes of space, and it is my genuine wish for them to no longer exist. However, the act of saying so gives me anxiety.

But I wish I could kill them myself, and the fact that the killing itself doesn't bother me and is in fact what I wish for- that frightens me.

Maybe I should be the one to die.

But if I were to do that, I would kill the others first.

would you actually kill them? i remember once when i was little i said something like that to my mom-- how i was having dark thoughts. our conversation was simplified (because i was little) but i always remember what she said: "we all think like that. the difference between a bad guy and you is that you wouldn't do it. not REALLY."

i don't know if that helped at all. email me if you want to talk to someone.

for a change, i'm gonna put something positive here: this has been an awesome week. i cried yesterday (sleep deprivation) but other then that i've never felt better. i've been wearing lip gloss and cute clothes that make me feel so confident and i don't feel ugly. i feel fucking beautiful and it's so weird because i rarely think like that, and when i do it's in the moment, in good lighting. but i feel beautiful and nice and happy and not awkward talking to people.

AND the bf of my friend (crush?), who i liked for some 5 years and have been really awkward with for the last year and a half says i'm nice and we have like an inside joke now and we say hi in the halls and talk to each other and ugh it's so great.

AND my sorta boy crush says that i'm "chill and nice and innocent" and that's like a really big compliment from him and idk this has been a great week.

(oh just remembered i cried TWICE yesterday but like it was because of math that i spent 3 hrs on so justified??)

guys idk. maybe 2017 is going to be good.