| cheezemziez |
04-20-2013 02:45 PM |
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryElizabeth
(Post 452171)
I knew it. I knew it right from the start, when that shit came back. I snapped. I had a breakdown. I was able to wait until I wasn't in public, but I still broke down right in front of my mom and my sister. I said my sister was selfish for thinking that she was the only one who had hard times to go through. My mom got worried when she saw that I started to cry, but her asking what was wrong was the last thing I needed. My dad is the same. I just told him that I just want to fix things myself and I don't want pity, and he just thinks that it's only one thing. It's so many things that's tearing me down: being unnoticed and unremarkable; feeling repulsive to everyone; thinking--knowing that there's something wrong with me; knowing that I won't ever do anything memorable--being a fucking mother is my best chance; trying to fix anything I can, but all of it being futile; watching the rest of my family fall apart; feeling so utterly alone; feeling like I'm a freak; and then having all of these things thrown back at me.
And my sister wasn't phased by any of it. She just kept asking questions, arguing with me. It was better than pity, I guess, but I've learned that I shouldn't make assumptions about why she hides and feels terrible some days--she's gone through some shit. But why does she get that but not me?
It's just all gone to shit.
|
You aren't unnoticed or unremarkable, you aren't repulsive to anyone with a properly functioning brain and you will do something memorable. There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not a freak. Maybe you've made some wrong decisions and been through wrong things, but there is nothing wrong with you as a person. You can fix this, you can always fix it. You are amazing and remarkably intelligent, and it doesn't matter how you compare to anyone else. You are your own awesome person, and no amount of shit from anyone or anything is going to change that. |
