I haven't drawn blood yet. Just breaking skin.

oh.
DUN DRAW BLOOD.
IT REALLY HURTS, LIEK, SRSLY.
aghhh, dang. sorry. i had WAY TOO MUCH cofffeeee.
i think i need more

Um, does anyone else hate cutting on their arms, because you just hate people wondering? I also cut on my thighs...

yes. i hate it.

i wanna cut my hair.

I'd be seriously mortified if anyone IRL knew I was cutting...well, I haven't in a long time, a week or so?
I realised that I don't hate school. I just hate going back home after school because i cannot leap over my procrastination to do homework.

Yes.
My mom almost caught on. I just lied.

I hate it with a burning passion. But I don't mind schoolwork. That's something that's always been easy. The rest of it is the part that tears me down.

I thought I was the only one too

people keep telling me i'm weird and acting like I make it up and that's when I started

Only one friend IRL knows about my... mental issues. And she doesn't even know about my self-harm. I really doubt she'll believe me. :/

What we're learning isn't hard. It's just that I find other things more interesting, such as KidPub, books, writing...and I have to go running twice a week. I get home at five, have fifteen minutes before I go down to the bus stop, and I get home again at nine. I need to prioritise, but I always put my comforts first.
My schoolmates are okay, but their ignorance seriously annoys me. I was happy yesterday, though, because my friend who hasn't seem like my friend (fine, she's my goddess/crush) talked to me.
:/

Okay. Have you ever had one of those days where absolutely nothing went right?

._.

I just had one of those days. And then I log onto KP and see that a nice big portion of my favorite book on here has been taken off KP early.


WELL

THAT'S

JUST

WONDERFUL.


*crawls under a rock and just stays there for eternity*

Okay....that came out way more harsh and bitter than I had intended. D: Sorry, Sandy...

A Jonah day. /nods/

*huggles* D:
Well, one thing that went right, at least, is that you continued to be really awesome. c:

blarg
 

It can't possibly be anyone's favourite book. It's stupid and... unoriginal... and...

I just don't know. I'm hopeless at this point, I don't know how to... make something good out of whatever barbling crap I've just created with VM. But I want to, and I know that I can, I just have to figure out how...
Why do I bother?
Should I bother posting new stuff? Should I bother continuing? Oh god...
I can't stop.
I love Vladimir. I love the Mansion. I have the same addiction as he does; the addiction to the Mansion. I HAVE to finish it.

I'm sorry, ignore my rambling... tomorrow I'm going to wake up and write and I might even post something and everything will be normal. I'm just going through weekend de-stressing from the crazy week I've had. :< I'm going to finish this.

And I mean, it's all stuff you've already read, so it's still okay... right?

Anyways, yeah, I know exactly what you mean about the bad day thing. <:^( (*gives cyber hug*) I've been getting those all over the place this week. e_e (*will be staying under a rock for the entire weekend*)

Bad Days...
 

:< Yep, I'm having one right now.

AIN'T THAT LOVELY

YEP YEP YEP

http://www.goodreads.com/author/quot....Emilie_Autumn


I just went through these. Again.


She is the most amazing person to ever live.

"History written in pencil is easily erased, but crayon is forever."

How can one not love her.

I don't CARE what's possible. VM is my favorite book on KP, and it's my current favorite book IN GENERAL right now. I know you have a hard time believing that, but, it's the truth. Case closed. :| (Sorry for my lack of enthusiasm...I'm guessing right now you want a straight answer instead of my usual fangirling nonsense......plus I'm pretty much ready to just go and cry myself to sleep right now, so, asdfghjkl.)

You can't stop. You're not hopeless. I love VM, and so do many, MANY other people. <:^J

Tomorrow, you will wake up, have some coffee, log onto KP, go about your weekend, and then things will be back to normal. I promise.

"And I mean, it's all stuff you've already read, so it's still okay... right?"
Um...no......no it's not. ;__; I was planning on showing off VM to my friends the next time we all get together and I was totally going to write down what they thought about it and surprise you with their comments...PLUS ME WANTS TO RE-READ VM WHEN I'M DONE......*sighs* But anyway...I guess it's not the end of the world or anything.....but still....

*hugs back* I'm sorry you've been having such a bad week, Cass. And I'm extra sorry if I'm making it worse. D: I'm SO not meaning to....sorry sorry sorry....

I'm sorry, Max. D: I wish I could help.

You're not making it worse at ALL. Thanks for the straight answers, too, you're right, I really do appreciate them more. If you really want to show it to them that much, I could always send you the---..... well, crumbs. ._. Crappola...
I should really be getting to sleep. We can problem solve in the morning. x_x Thank you so much for your encouragement. Even just one word helps. (*hugs again*) (*doesn't know why cyber hugs are so easy to give out but whatever*)

*feels like I am* x__x I'm sorry.

You might be able to send the chapters to me via the WOT site...I don't think it has a word limit on that Questions & Comments page, so....o_0

Yes, sleep. Sleep will make you feel better. *pats on the back* <:^J We can deal with this later. Goodnight and sour dreams.

*hugs back* *doesn't know why that is, either* Thanks, Dansy.

ugh i am so fucking tired and i want to go to bed but i am honestly just afraid to leave the computer though because memories ughugh godifuckinghateyousomuchistillhavenightmaresandjus tljkasdfkl;jas;ld i am just too tired to fucking deal with all this bullshit

and can't it be enough for my school friends that i go to school do you know how hard it is to even see your faces and now my phone isn't working so i can't text my best friend and i just
i don't know when i'm going to relapse or anything but i just dislike everyone at my school get away from me leave me alone

also when people tell me that im worth caring about, bullshit, i'm not worth time or care or anything at all stop caring about me please don't care about me dontdontdontdontdontdontdontdontdontlietomeandsayi mworthsomethingwhenimnotimnothing
i dont care if you think im amazing or some shit, i'm glad but it hurts too because when you find out im not worth caring about i'll just know im right
ugh

*drags myself out of this thread*

Lily...you need to get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning.

You ARE worth it.

sleep is stupid and i can't sleep anyway

but im not.
edit: as you can see i havent dragged myself out yet

I know sleep seems useless and stupid right now. (Heck, I haven't been able to sleep at all lately unless I totally exhaust myself right before bed, so I know what you mean.) But it's NOT stupid. Sleep is good for you. The stress chemicals in your body are actually only disassembled and gotten rid of during REM sleep, you know.

Yes you are. I'm going to hold onto this like a pit bull, girl. You might as well give in. ^_^

holy smokes science i didn't know but ugh i don't like going to bed because it takes an awfully long time to go to sleep and i hate that awfully long time.

ahahaha isaac and i argue about this constantly, and i'm holding on, too.

Yup. That's why REM sleep is so important--without it, we'd literally go insane. And you can actually die from lack of REM sleep, you know. o__o

But, yes, I TOTALLY know what you mean....tossing in turning in the dark, staring at the clock, wondering why your brain won't turn off and let you sleep, waking up at random intervals.... ._. Ugh.

WELL ISAAC IS RIGHT. XD You are worth it.

That's not a way I'd like to die O.o

ahahahahahahahaha
ahahahahahahaha
ahahahahahaha
ahahahahano

XD Don't worry, you'd have to stay awake for eight to eleven days STRAIGHT to die from lack of sleep. Waaaayyyy before that (around the two-day mark), your brain will literally start taking mini naps without you controlling it. 'Tis your body's way of making you go to sleep whether you like it or not, in order to keep you alive and well. :^B

Science is something I'd like to learn on my own time and not the way teachers teach it.

School actually makes science boring. ._. It totally ruins it for me. I don't know why or how they do it, but science in school is CONSIDERABLY LESS INTERESTING than it is just browsing Vsauce or Discovery Channel or (the old) Animal Planet or watching a documentary. Seriously. O_O And, learning about science is INCREDIBLY diverse! You have sooooo many different areas to choose from! Earth science, animal science, plant science, the human body, space, different planets, different ecosystems, outer space, physics, etc. etc. etc.!

Just reading up on how amazing the human body is....it's just mind-blowing. o.o Did you know the physical heart actually does more than just pump blood? Scientists are starting to call it the "heart-brain" now, since it has its own nervous system and billions of neurons. ^_^

SEE? Life is never boring if you know where to look for entertainment. XD

Wellllllll, I feel like crap.

<:^/ I'm sorry, Max. Is there anything we can do to help? Cheer you up with some funny videos or something, maybe?

Um....ummm......new SHINee music video? <:^D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgeAmF7bgoE

I don't know what the lyrics mean yet...all I understand is "why so serious". XD

Why so serious...So raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways, all my underdogs! We will never be, never be!

Successfully buried my emotions. For now. Let's see how long it lasts.

*massive huggles* fuck I wish I'd been awake… i'm sorry…
It'll get better, someday. *hugs again*

You don't know that you'll relapse. You're strong. You can do it.
Could you maybe, like, borrow Litzy's phone during lunch, at least the beginning? So I can text you? You should still eat.

No. You are so fucking worth it. I haven't lied to you at all, not when I said you're awesome, or when I said you're amazing, or when I said you're my best friend, or when I said you're worth so much, or when I said you're more perf than me. You are worth so fucking much.
You're my best friend and you were pretty much the only reason I didn't want to kill myself, over the past month. You've helped me a lot, you're fun to talk to, you're a great friend, you've never been a bitch or annoying to me, and you'rea great person. So how the hell are you worth nothing.
I'm not going to ever find I'm wrong about you, because I'm not wrong.
*huggles* shhh you are perf
OMFG CREEPYPASTA RUSSIAN SLEEP EXPERIMENT
Same.
*cuddles with xkcd and wikipedia*

/hugs

You need sleep, Lily.

You're doing really well. We're proud of you for being so strong and having the courage and emotional strength to face whatever asshats and ignoramuses you have go near at school.

You are strong enough. You might not relapse ever again. But if you do, we'll be here for you.

You are not nothing. You are amazing and awesome and definitely worth all the time and care and more. You are amazing. You shouldn't have to hurt. You are worth caring about, and if anyone believes otherwise then they aren't worth it.